So, apparently, it’s wedding season. How do I know? Because now is the time, while making plans with girlfriends, when one of them will inevitably say, “Ooh. I can’t make that date. I have a wedding to go to,” or, “Can’t, sorry! Have to get fitted for that fucking bridesmaid dress that I’ll never wear ever again.”

These excuses—OK, fine, “reasons”—have been happening for the past five years, and show no signs of slowing down (until, I think, we’re 35, when, according to science, we should all be married, or risk a lifetime with cats and Kraft Dinner) (which doesn’t sound too terrible).

Here’s my thing: I don’t do weddings. It’s not that my invitations have gotten lost in the mail or that I’m banned from Big Days For Life, it’s because my friends just don’t get married.

I have two married couple friends. The rest are either coupled up and unmarried, or single. I can count on one hand the number of weddings I’ve been to over the last 22 years (five) and I’ve been to only one bridal shower. I was a bridesmaid once, but I was 12 and left out of the fun (a.k.a. penis pencils and trashy tiaras at a drunken bachelorette), so that doesn’t really count.

At first, I was super jealous when the thirtysomethings around me complained about suffering from “wedding fatigue” because I figured it was the kind of affliction everyone should experience at least once, like the chicken pox or binge-watching. But then I realized that it’s actually awesome not to be invited to a wedding. So, if you’re like me, and don’t have any weddings this summer, thank your lucky stars, friend, because:

1.     You’re Saving Moola. Weddings are hella expensive. If you’re in a wedding party, you should just take out a second mortgage already, or maybe cash in your mutual funds, for that dress and shoe combo alone (I know this is a lot of finance talk, but, I figure we’re all adults, right?). And even if you’re not standing up for your friend, you’ll for sure be spending dough on a fancy wedding present and a kick ass dress. Oh, then there’s the gas you’ll pay for because you have to drive out in the country (rustic weddings are SO IN right now), and maybe you’ll have to spend the night, or what if it’s a vacation wedding?! (Hear that sound? That’s your money NOT flying out of the window).

2.     You Don’t Have to Contend With The Embarrassing RSVP.  While every other functioning section of society has accepted that emails and texts are way more efficient modes of communication, for some strange reason, wedding organizers insist on keeping it old school by sending out snail mail invitations. And if having to buy stamps and posting an actual letter wasn’t bad enough, we have to include whether we are bringing a guest or not? While we’re at it, why don’t we just write that we’re single and childless at 30? Thanks for pointing that out to me, FRIEND. My mother doesn’t do it nearly enough (is something you won’t have to say).

3.     You Can Continue With Your Summer Plans.  More often than not, the wedding(s) will fall on a weekend when you wanted to attend OVO or go away to the cottage or something else really fun that you were looking forward to from the doldrums of your cubicle. Your summer is your own and we only get two months of it up here, so you should be able to do what you want during our handful of warm weekends instead of reserving one (or more) for the wedding of a cousin you don’t even remember.

4.     You Don’t Have to Make Small Talk With The Cousin You Don’t Remember.  Honestly, is there anything worse than calling your third cousin “S-something…Susan? Stephanie?” when you’re stuck at the Floater Table (you know, the one where the bride and groom just stick the “nobodies” like an old babysitter and a random old person) and you have to come up with some congenial topic of conversation that doesn’t involve old family gripes or arguing over Girls (because everyone argues over Girls)? No, there’s not. Thank god you’re not there.

5.     You Don’t Have to Bump ‘N’ Grind With the Drunk Dance Floor Dominator. I mean, if you really wanted to get down with the random drunk dancer (“OMG! That’s my song! Clear out!”) you could just do that in Toronto, or, if you’re like me, within the confines of your bedroom (where I am the Drunk Dance Floor Dominator).

Of course, if you do happen to be invited to a wedding this summer, have fun witnessing the major milestone between your loved ones as you guzzle comped Grey Goose in that way-expensive-but-totally-gorgeous gown. And, please, oh please, be the annoying guest who takes lots and lots of selfies. They’re usually the most popular.