How do you feel about this quiz party?
      a. Like this proud black women don’t get no respect no more
      b. Ooh! Quiz party! [Clap, clap]
      c. Like you should have retired during World War Two
      d. You’re just grateful someone called you a Lady

What’s the most embarrassing moment on your career roster?
      a. From Star Trek to the centre square, you could never pick just one
      b. Unanimously voted off the Barramundi tribe for being the whiniest baby down under
      c. Every Monday and Friday when you’re forced to attend your own show
      d. Like menopause, every day is more awkward and uncomfortable than the last

Who did you replace on The View?
      a. A dumpy lesbian with bi-polar disorder
      b. A blond bimbo daredevil without shame or verbal capacity
      c. What did you just say? Get off my set.
      d. Replace? I’m so old, I lost my virginity during the Big Bang

What do you wear to work?
      a. An oversized plaid shirt and Converses from the early 90s
      b. A yellow sundress with the price tag still on
      c. A pink Chanel suit with a million diamond broaches
      d. Who cares? The ratings can’t sag as much as these girls

What’s your diet secret?
      a. Chain-smoking during commercials at award shows
      b. The pushy editorial team at Fitness magazine
      c. Being cryogenically frozen each night
      d. None: diets are worse than concentration camps

Who is your significant other?
      a. Not a woman, that’s for sure
      b. Your college boyfriend turned hunky football player
      c. Any and every executive male in the history of ABC
      d. Your mustached putz of a boyfriend who does nothing for you

How do you feel about Sherri thinking the world was flat?
      a. That suddenly those Star Trek ears aren’t seeming so bad
      b. She’s finally saying what we’re all thinking
      c. Like I’m firing my Human Resources Department after the show
      d. That Sherri is dumber than Whoopi is black

How does Dancing with the Stars make you feel?
      a. Like it’s no wonder you hate all white bitches
      b. Like puppies and lollipops
      c. Like you miss the roarin’ twenties
      d. Like you’ve been date-raped by Donald Rumsfeld

Who do you hate most on the show?
      a. See above.
      b. Mean booing audience members, the liberal media elite, everyone seated at the table
      c. You have no comment.
      d. That skinny bitch Elisabeth, who makes a Ku Klux Klan meeting feel like a tea party

What would you do if you weren’t on The View?
      a. Made in America, Part 2: In Vitro in Vogue
      b. Full-time campaigning for the Republican Party.
      c. Endless judgmental interviews with trans-gendered children
      d. Sit on the empty stage, laughing at your own jokes

*If you don’t know that mostly As are obviously Whoopi, Bs are the poor universally-hated Elisabitch, Cs the all-powerful Babawa Waltawas , and Ds the ever-inappropriate Joy Bahar, then you don’t deserve to take a little time to enjoy this quiz.