WEDNESDAY

7 pm OkStupid @ Handlebar, 159 Augusta Ave. A live reading of the best worst online dating conversations! Bring two copies of your awful conversations or PM them to Stephanie Avery so she can print them out. There will be a couple of actors on hand to step in and play the parts of the antagonists (for lack of a better word). Terrible conversations from Plenty of Fish, Grindr, Tinder, Scruff, Christian Mingle, JDate, and any other technology-based love-finding platform welcome. PWYC, with proceeds going to the Red Door Family Shelter.

9 pm Groove Thing @ Thoroughbred Food & Drink, 304 Richmond St. W. DJ Caff plays all R&B, new jack swing, hip-hop, soul and future R&B feels inside the brand-new bar/resto, Thoroughbred Food & Drink.

10 pm Liquid Karaoke @ Bambi’s, 1265 Dundas St. W. Colin Bergh, James McDonough, Nadia Belerique, and Jeff Hayward are your hosts. $4 Jameson and $5.50 pints before midnight.

10 pm Home Based @ Weldon Park, 569 College St. A night filled with good hip-hop, good people, and good vibes with DJs Sanga Genesis, James Redi, and special guests. Every Wednesday.

THURSDAY

7 pm Art In The 6ix @ 99 Sudbury Ave. Enjoy a night of creativity while you revel in the sounds of our amazing DJ FeelGoodSmalls, live performances, and a not-to-be-missed silent auction where you’ll have the opportunity to buy amazing art pieces from the featured artists! Featuring a full service bar, passed hors d’oeuvres, and a scrumptious late night dessert table. $25 tickets available at the door or online, with proceeds supporting Arts for Children and Youth and the George Brown Scholarship Fund.

8:15 pm The MUFF Society Presents: Point Break @ The Royal Cinema, 608 College St. Point Break has amassed an incredible cult following, and for good reason: there’s a chase scene that involves someone on fire and a dog being thrown. Who throws a dog?! Answer: someone in a badass Kathryn Bigelow movie, that’s who. Join The MUFF Society in celebration of love and Kathryn Bigelow. Doors at 8:15 pm, screening at 8:45. $9 advance tickets available online.

9 pm Steers & Queers @ The Dakota Tavern, 249 Ossington Ave. Country music and queer culture unite in one tumbling tumbleweed of honky tonk and hanky panky! Starring: the reigning Queen of Country, Fay Slift; the young, fame hungry upstart Fluffy Souffle; Dolly Berlin; The Meat Bunnies; and more. DJs Some Random Tall Guy, Joe Blow and Sigourney Beaver with all your niche country needs. Dress code: pearl snaps, cut offs, new Nashville money.

10 pm Strangelove @ Weldon Park, 569 College St. The return of a Toronto cultural institution. Every Thursday. $5.

10 pm Get Lo @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. The secret is out and now we know why Gretchen Weiners’ hair was so big! Bangs & Blush and She Does The City are taking over Clinton’s with the ULTIMATE 2000s dance party, GET LO! So slap on your Von Dutch hat and get ready for a total ear assault because your Thursdays will never be the same!

10 pm DJ Downunda @ Crawford, 718 College St. Trap, rap, RnB, and bangers! Hosted by Miss Olivia and Kermit. $5 bar rail + $4 shots and jello shooters.

10 pm Fat Laces @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. DJ Big Jimmy Mills, the scratch-monster, spins old school hip-hop.

FRIDAY

6 pm Long Winter Fair @ Queen & Dovercourt. In this world, only winter is certain (at least for the next couple years). Street Fair on Dovercourt from 6-11 pm. The usual Great Hall (1087 Queen St. W.) madness + bands and art at 99 Sudbury + dance and performance at the Theatre Centre (1115 Queen St. W.) from 7 pm onwards. Check the Long Winter website for detailed info and lineup. $20-25 advance tickets available online; PWYC at the door.

9 pm The Big Sound @ Virgin Mobile Mod Club, 722 College St. Toronto’s finest celebration of the golden era of soul and Motown returns to the Mod Club to throw down their next foot stompin’, heart pumpin’, sweet lovin’ soul party! Featuring BIG renditions of the BIG classics guaranteed to make you shout and shake. And as always, you can dance the night away to the originals before and after the set as spun by DJ Wes Allen. $15 (advance tickets available at Soundscapes).

10 pm Oldies 990: Valentine’s Day Sock Hop @ The Gladstone Hotel, 1214 Queen St. W. Bring your special someone or come out and find a new special someone. OR, if you think that Valentine’s Day is a bullshit holiday invented by Hallmark in order to make more money, just come out by yourself and dance! ’50s and ’60s rock ‘n’ roll all night long.

10 pm Club Lonely @ Bambi’s, 1265 Dundas St. W. Evening Standard presents the first (and perhaps last) annual Club Lonely on St. Valentine’s Eve. A night of music made for dancing alone or together for $5 (cheap date?!). With resident DJs Membersonly.

10 pm No No Pony @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W.DJs Johnnie Walker and Amy Wood play ’90s and aughts rap and RnB, with Ginuwine’s “Pony” every hour on the hour. Free before 11 pm, $5 after.

10 pm Friday the 13th Disco Party @ Cardinal Rule, 5 Roncesvalles Ave.Run a comb through your hair, walk under a ladder, and cross the path of a black cat on your way to boogie-oogie-oogie all night long to the tunes of DeeJay Triple-X! Dress code: disco-infused (bell bottoms, platforms, polyester, stripes, sparkles, hot pants, spandex, chains).

10 pm Fuck It @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. This Friday the 13th, Bang & Blush don’t give a shit about your feelings. Come get drunk with them, spendSaturday hung over watching Netflix, and forget the whole thing even happened. You know the drill: a night chocked full of the best and worst from the ’80s, ’90s, and ’00s. $5.

10 pm Canada Thrust @ The Boat, 158 Augusta Ave. Hip-hop, house, and party music miscellany from Canada Thrust. $5.

10 pm Huglife @ Handlebar, 159 Augusta Ave. Sean and CL play romantic booty tracks from the future for you to get down to for the last time + hazy moving pictures for your viewing pleasure. R&B, disco, garage, and house.

10 pm Dream Disks @ The Garrison, 1197 Dundas St. W. Exploito psych sci-fi sounds, garage, beat, FREAK ALL-SORTS, heavy mental, instrumental covers, fantasy exotics, electronics, and other weirdo musiks courtesy of DJ Davros.

10 pm Stiff Joints Disco @ The Steady, 1051 Bloor St. W. DJ Bob Cobb brings you lower east side disco realness. A hot mix of disco, funk, and garage jams!

10 pm Get By Friday @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. DJs Mantis and Hajah Bug spin hip-hop, funk, soul, and reggae vibes on two turntables. All jams all night. $5.

10 pm No Sleep ‘Til Brooklynn @ Brooklynn, 1186 Queen St. W. Make new friends. No dress code. No bullshit. Mickey “bottle service” available. Music $5 with guestlist before 11:30 pm, $10 otherwise.

10 pm Synthesexer @ The Piston, 937 Bloor St. W. A wet and drippy, catch my eye-y, shake my body, bite my lip-y, sexy synthy dance party! Expect to hear stuff like Tiga, Annie, Chromeo, M.I.A., Holy Ghost!, Robyn, Daft Punk, Little Dragon, Pet Shop Boys, and more. DJs ARP 2600, Digits, and Little Kicks will be present to sex you up (music-wise). Free before 11 pm, $5 after.

10:30 pm Undisposable Comedown @ Luanda House, 974 Bloor St. W. A party celebrating the city’s next wave of creatives. American Apparel photographer Cary Fagan and Toronto photographer Brandon Jordan will be documenting the night. Music courtesy of CRSB, Teo Nio, and other special guests. Dress to impress. $5 before midnight, more after.

11 pm Racks & Bands @ The Drake Underground, 1150 Queen St. W.Racks & Bands is a monthly party focused on one thing and one thing only: bringing booty back to the Underground. Turn up with resident DJs Johnny Hockin and Vanity Muscles as they motivate the winin’ and grindin’, playing only the hottest in current rap and RnB. $10.

SATURDAY

1 pm 3rd Eye Art Jam @ Smiling Buddha, 961 College St. A psychedelic art jam and social presented by Greetings From Toronto Art. Join them for an afternoon of painting and alcoholic libation! Canvas provided if necessary, but artists are encouraged to bring their own materials. PWYC (suggested $5) at the door, includes some materials (acrylic paints, brushes, magazines, stencils, rubber cement, and props).

10 pm Ignition @ Crawford, 718 College St. DJs Caff and Walmer Convenience play bumpin’ ‘n’ grindin’ R&B, hip-hop, dancehall, new jack swing, and slow jamz (plus more than enough R. Kelly classics). $5 before 10:30 pm, more after.

10 pm Shake It Off @ Tennessee, 1554 Queen St. W. A dance party for those who don’t care about the haters! DJ Barz plays hip-hop, R&B, slow jams for the lovers, and more. Nightclub-level dance party without the nightclub-level hassles.

10 pm Shake, Rattle & Roll: Valentine’s Day Dance @ Clinton’s, 693 Bloor St. W. Spend Valentine’s dancing the night away with the ladies of Bangs & Blush. Come prepared to fall in love all night long – just like a Tammi and Marvin song! All your favourite rock, soul, and pop hits from the ’50’s and ’60s to keep you movin’. $5.

10 pm Alvvays & Forever @ Holy Oak, 1241 Bloor St. W. DJs Choozey and Cameron Lee spinning vinyls and variant media replications of RnB, pop, soul, rock, funk, and smooth slow jamz with a healthy dose of lover’s rock and smooth reggae as well. Special guest DJ sets TBA!

10 pm Bump N’ Hustle 19th Anniversary @ The Rivoli (upstairs), 334 Queen St. W. Bump N’ Hustle celebrates their 19-year love affair with Toronto! Soul, funk, house, disco, reggae, latin, hip-hop, and boogie tunes with resident DJs Paul E Lopes and Mike Tull. Hosted by Carlos (Hot Stepper). For $5 early bird guestlist (before 11 pm), email hotstep@sympatico.ca; 
$10 otherwise.

10 pm Beam Me Up: Love Disco Style @ The Piston, 937 Bloor St. W. This month, Beam Me Up celebrates that one thing which is ubiquitous in the world of disco: LOVE. Opening set by Stacie Ant, whose known for her always-on-point disco attire and her romping revelry alongside partner-in-crime Danielle. As always, A Digital Needle and Cyclist will be joined by host and resident spank-o-phile Cynthia for an evening of soulful disco, disco-rap, proto-boogie, and those aural oddities primed to make you groove!

10 pm Endless Night / All Night Long @ The Emmett Ray, 924 College St.The best time to dance yourself free and clean (or dirty, depending on your jam). DJ Nelsonic starts things off with some old school pop to warm the hips. From 11:30 pm onwards, DJ Cruz Controlla will be spinning up a hip-hop hurricane of a dance party for you to bump, shake, and grind to until the lights come on.

10 pm Anti-Valentine’s Day Dance @ Junction City Music Hall, 2907 Dundas St. W. DJs OH16 and Splattermonkey spin funk, soul, and whatever else to get your feet moving. There might be some un-love cupcakes and treats, too.

10 pm Business Woman’s Special: Be Mine Edition @ Round, 152-A Augusta Ave. Bring your Valentine for a special date or find your Valentine on the dance floor. Performances by Devine Darlin and Tynomi Banks. DJs Diego Armand and Kevin Ritchie will be playing everyone’s favourite love song. Arrive early for special Valentine’s Day drink specials. $6.

10 pm Puppy Love @ The Beaver, 1192 Queen St. W. You don’t need to spend Valentine’s day at an overpriced restaurant with your partner. You can have nachos at The Beaver and then hit the dance floor while porn plays on a projector! Also: dance floor for you to get sexy on, board games/truth or dare/spin the bottle, outdoor patio, tons of sex-positive friends to meet, lots of places to sit and talk! $7.

10 pm Secret Models @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. One big room, full of bad bitches! DJs Secret Models play hits straight from your high school semi-formal.

10 pm Funk Off @ The Boat, 158 Augusta Ave. Get down to music of the funk variety! TNT on the tunes. $5.

10 pm Bush Beat @ The Henhouse, 1532 Dundas St. W. Where ladies meet! Valentine’s Day special with the babe-ly DJ Dandy. $4.50 bar rail before 11:30 pm.

10 pm The BRTHDAY PRTY @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W. Who doesn’t love a birthday party?! Music provided by Styles of Tigers and RVM. Cupcake hour provided by Baken Toronto. Free before 11 pm, $5 after.

10:30 pm Closer Encounters @ Mr. Flamingo, 1265 Dundas St. W. Gabe Knox and Geoff Snack play grayscale electronic love songs.

11 pm Tramp: Fuck Love Edition @ The Steady, 1051 Bloor St. W. A dance party for the single ladies (don’t worry, couples are allowed too). Sexy jams courtesy of DJs Linguist and Chiclet. Performance by #Entertainment (Betti Forde and Dislexia) for their new single “Get Out of My House” (Kate Bush cover). $5 pints of Hogtown.

11 pm Elegantly Wasted @ Velvet Underground, 510 Queen St. W. Do the lovey dovey thing: have dinner, give flowers, do the deed if you want! Then come PARTY! DJ Shannon Allan spins your favourite retro ’80s and ’90s plus your requests.

11 pm Shake A Tail @ Sneaky Dee’s, 431 College St. ’60s pop, rock, soul, funk, garage, ska, ANYTHING! Always humid. $5.

11 pm Quatro @ The Drake Underground, 1150 Queen St. W. Bridging the gap between four different eras and forming a cohesive sonic bond, Conor Cutz and Rouge bring you a night of the best music from times past. From the 1970s to the early 2000s, expect to hear the best of everything from James Brown to Justice, M.J. to Biggie – tracks that defined generations, seamlessly mashed up and reworked by the infamous duo. Aroundmidnight, renowned speed artist Anthony Haley takes the stage and begins performing his craft. Gaining inspiration from the crowd, music and overall feel of the night, Haley will take you on a visual quest creating piece after piece live on stage. $10.

SUNDAY

7 pm Brass Facts Trivia @ The Ossington, 61 Ossington Ave. Test your knowledge and win prizes! Hosted by Famous Kirk Hero. Until 10 pm. Followed by a special holiday dance party blowout.

7:30 pm Seinfeld Trivia Night @ KITCH, 229 Geary Ave. Think you know Seinfeld? Well it’s not a lie if you believe it, and if you can prove you’re the master of your domain, then it’s next stop Pottersville. This is the Famous ORIGINAL Ray’s of monthly Seinfeld trivia, not some knock-off with their own case at the end of the aisle. Come for the trivia, stay for the episode and the JuJy Fruits! Maybe you’ll win a contest. Triva at 8 pm.

9:30 pm Karaoke Sundays @ The Boat, 158 Augusta Ave. Karaoke, everySunday night! Hosted by Cajo.

10 pm new.wav @ The Shop under Parts & Labour, 1566 Queen St. W.Expect to party to all hip-hop, R&B, and money-related rap songs that you wouldn’t want to play in the car with your parents unless they’re the type to reach new.wav too. Music by Sean Caff and Justin Bayot. $5.

10 pm Break For Love @ Tattoo, 567 Queen St. W. A night filled with classics! With DJs Jojo Flores, Dave Campbell, and Yogi. $15 before 11:30 pm, more after (advance tickets available online).

~ For event submissions, email Caitlyn Holroyd at caitlyn_holroyd@hotmail.com