Growing up my Mom always told me, “The only constant in life is change.” It was comforting until I understood what she meant.

With the recent turns my life has taken (both personally and professionally) I see change everywhere I look. My insides feel like spinning tops. I spend my days trying to not let the cracks show. I feel sick with the early-twenties disease. I want what is impossible; the simplicity of being a child while being able to take advantage of all the choice adulthood offers.

I know that I’m not alone. Talking to my girlfriends, we all feel a little lost. It’s not uncommon at twenty-two to look at your life and think, what should I do now? It’s the should that’s scary, because we’re overwhelmed with all thecould. Today’s young women can do anything, but that doesn’t make the right choice any more obvious.

What should I be doing to get a job I like? Should I break up with my boyfriend? Should I travel? Should I move out? Should I sleep with that guy? What city should I live in? Should I go back to school? Should I just take that job even though I’m not passionate about it?

No matter how we search, there is no right answer. Maybe all change, even if it is change for the better, is coloured by regret and discomfort.

When thinking about an Inspiring Woman to speak to this week, I think about my friend Gina Sorell. Always a working and respected actress, she seemed to do it all. She lived in many cities, made jewelry in her downtime, volunteered, created comedy sketches and characters and produced short films. Most recently, Gina has written a stunning novel, Mothers & Other Strangers. She seemed to handle change, of all kinds, with aplomb.

We first met when I was eight working a children’s television show called Noddy about a magical elf and the toy shop he lived in. She played April May McJune, an animal wrangler who visited the shop often. She made her role hilarious, and I later learned that she spent her nights on the main stage at Second City. She was twenty-four then, only two years older than I am now. She was beautiful and every time I asked to look inside her purse to try on her make up, she let me. I idolized her.

As I grew older, I continued to admire Gina for a number of reasons. Once at her house-warming party she came up to me when my Mom was in the bathroom, with her number written on a small piece of paper.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

“If you ever need anything, if you’re really drunk at a party and you need someone to pick you up, call me. If you need anything at anytime, call me. It doesn’t matter. Just call me.”

Gina has always shown me an incredible kindness. I would ask her about sex and men, and she would answer honestly but with a gentleness, how surrogate older sister’s should, how in her image, I speak to younger girls now.

When I moved to Los Angeles, it was hard. Gina and her actor husband, Jeff Clarke, had moved a few years earlier. Although they’ve found much success there, navigating this new, strange city was difficult for them, too

No matter what Gina was going through, she always made sure to invite me for dinner. On weekends she’d take me to farmer’s markets. Some nights, she’d insist I come over to just talk. We both knew why she was doing it. I was lonely. But with her, I had some normalcy in the world of crazy.

She and Jeff love each other enormously. Their support for each other is unwavering.  They genuinely enjoy each other’s company. They have a real partnership. I admire them both, not just for their talent, but because I haven’t seen many of those.

I think she can tell I’ve been struggling with all the change lately. She sends me sweet Facebook messages here and short emails there, like she always does to let me know that she’s there if I need her. When I email her, I tell her I want to talk about change and challenge. In between giant cups of coffee and revisions on her second novel, she graciously obliged.

How do you feel about change?

It’s cliche to say that change is inevitable but it is. Change is something that is going to happen whether we like it or not, like aging. But I think that the moment I decided to consider the idea of change as an ongoing process of evolution and growth, I was much more open and willing to the idea. I like to think that as I get older, I am changing for the better.

What has been your greatest challenge both professionally and personally?

My greatest challenge has been expectation versus reality and learning to let go of preconceived ideas of what and how I should be doing. I think many of us are raised to believe that things work in a linear fashion; x+y=z….do these things and you will progress to the next level, and so on. But as an artist, you can do everything right and you still may not get the reward you were hoping for. Then again you can do everything “wrong” and be rewarded. I’ve had that too. And I’ve had to learn to go with the flow more, and not be so absolutist in thinking that each step of the process means something more than it does. Some years are hard, some are great, sometimes that’s really all there is to it. And personally, it is the same. I have to constantly remind myself not to take it all so personally, I’m just one part of the process, one aspect of the equation. I like to say that I am in partnership with the Universe, I bring 110% and that’s all I can do.

What has been your greatest triumph both professionally and personally?

My greatest triumph both personally and professionally is my hard won resilience and work ethic. Both have allowed me to constantly evolve and adapt, and triumph over hardship and challenges. My husband and I are both artists, and for us the what we do and who we are, are absolutely entwined. We adore our work, it has defined us, and we are happiest when we are working. We moved for work, and for a personal challenge. It was a huge risk, but we never stopped believing in each other and it paid off! L.A. didn’t kill me! That’s a triumph.

How have you changed since you were 22?

I met Jeff when I was 22, your age. I was very tightly wound, and very hard on myself. I was in a rush to get somewhere, do things, make progress. I had a ticking career clock that was merciless and cruel and I never felt like I was working hard enough. I worked out too much, I ate too little, drank too much coffee, smoked, and never rested unless I fell down in exhaustion. I don’t do any of those things anymore. I am driven and ambitious, and hard working, but I take care of myself and have a much greater perspective on life, than I ever did. I am on my own path, and my own schedule, and I appreciate more than ever, that others are as well, and that it may be completely different from mine.

What advice would you give your younger self? For any woman coming into herself?

I’d say chill out. Seriously, relax. And I don’t mean in terms of work ethic, because l really do believe that the only way to accomplish anything is to work hard and do your best…consistently. But once you’ve done that, then trust in it. Pat yourself on the back and go out and have fun. Don’t stress about things you cannot change, don’t second guess, don’t worry that it wasn’t enough. You did your best, so you’re off the hook. Now take it off the hook! Live a little, it’s a long life. Oh, and help each other. You’ll be glad that you did.

What is the secret to your happy marriage?

Our secret is that we both want it as much as the other one does. We are a team. We share in each other’s successes, and we share in each other’s failures and we both want the other to be fulfilled. We know how to communicate and we know how to fight and move on….quickly. Neither of us want to feel stagnant, and we don’t take what we have for granted. We apply the same hard work to our careers as we do to our marriage, although the nice thing is…in our marriage we always do get rewarded!

How important is partnership?

For me, partnership is everything.

What motivated you to start writing? Did that change scare you? What has all the hard work taught you?

I’d always written. When I was younger I wrote poetry, and as I got older sketches and plays, but it was so hard for me to call myself a writer. I didn’t think I deserved that title. And yet in theatre school, my writing often got encouragement. Once I graduated, I started to write as a vehicle for myself, and often with writing partners. But it wasn’t until I got to Los Angeles, and was about to endure another pilot season of waiting for the phone to ring, that I turned to Jeff and said, “I have to go back to school. I know, the timing is terrible, we just moved, we don’t have the extra money, but if I don’t do it I’m going to die!” Dramatic, but true. And so I enrolled in UCLA Extension’s, 3 year Writing Program, doing the whole thing online and a whole new world opened up to me. It was terrifying and it was exhilarating, and it was the best thing I ever did. I met so many wonderful, talented and generous writers. I graduated with distinction this spring and have completed my debut novel and am looking forward to finding a great publisher. The whole thing taught me that it is never too late to change and try something else. Before I started, I said to my mother…”But I’ll be 38 when I graduate!” and she replied “You’ll be 38 one day, no matter what. Either you’ll be 38 and a graduate, or you won’t.” That was huge, that got my butt in gear.

Where do you hope to go next?

I hope to keep changing and growing for the better!

And knowing Gina, she will. After speaking with her I feel hopeful that I will, too. Sometimes all you need is a little advice from someone who’s been there before.

Check out Gina’s blog, Sorell Says, at http://www.sorellsays.blogspot.com

~ Katie Boland