I have only ever been into older guys. The age varies but in my salad days, I was with guys more than double my age. Yes, serious father issues abound. As I age though, I have to imagine the guys I like will get younger, or at least get closer to my age. This new crop of boys has been indoctrinated to hate age. I hear twenty year olds talking about Botox! So what’s an aging gay who’s scared of needles to do?

Get Rich
Pretty universally, people like people who buy them shit. But having lost all of my vast, vast savings in this recession, I may have to rely on the lottery for this one. Or a rich dead uncle… Of course, the caveat will be that I have to spend a night in his spooky mansion and we all know how that goes… It ends with sexy results!

Plastic Surgery
Needles are one thing, but invasive, complicated, dangerous unnecessary surgeries? Sign me up! One new nose please! If it’s anything like Nip/Tuck, I might even meet the new man of my dreams to start violently stalking…

Find A Boyfriend, STAT!
If I nail him down while I’m still young and vital, he’ll have to stay with me, right? If only dudes could get pregnant, that might be a new avenue to explore.

Study Up On Youth Culture
Lest I start sounding like my parents using the word “crunk”, I’ma have to learn how the kids talk these days. Step one, learn internet acronyms. What’s this “lol” all the youngins are saying now? Step two, read up on rainbow parties and those gel bracelets girls get for doing slutty shit. Done and done!

Well, looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me. Better get cracking… Off to the gym. It’s awesome.