We like to pair our handsome eligible bachelors with good wine, so we’re thrilled to partner with Two Oceans Wine to give you a juicy recap of this season’s highly anticipated must-see TV: The Bachelorette Canada. Keep coming back, because you KNOW this will get heated. 

This week, Jasmine and her travelling man meat have returned to Canada and are now Montreal, providing invaluable opportunities for the gang to wear lots of autumnal looks, including some cute hats and killer boots. But fashion porn wasn’t the only sexy part of this week’s episode, because Jasmine finally went on a date with our favourite, Mikhel, and it was hot as hell.

Jasmine’s day with Mikhel started with a lesson in street art. For some unknown reason, street art was presented as a metaphor for marriage. This made absolutely no sense, but the graffiti looked cool anyway. Next, there was a private concert inside a hotel that looked like a real-life version of the cartoon castle from Beauty and the Beast. Much making out ensued. Then, because the Goddess is kind, the hot makeout session moved from the dance floor to a hot tub, where we got to see Mikhel topless and found out he reads Indian mythology in his spare time. Swoon! All I have to say is, Dear Mikhel, I am single, and if Jasmine doesn’t give you her final rose, you can totally have mine! Call me!

After the divine day she spent with my love Mikhel, Jasmine then escorted a few of the men on a Cirque De Soleil-themed group date. This date was perhaps the most sexual thing ever seen on prime time TV. In case children are reading, I will not describe exactly what transpired in this recap, but let’s just say both ropes and crotches were involved…

Benoit, the native Montrealer, came to Cirque De Soleil determined to win the circus challenge, and the prize of one-on-one time with Jasmine. Not surprisingly, he did. For some reason, competitor David seemed to think this was rigged. To be fair, some of the circus challenges were decidedly more aerobic than others, and in my professional opinion as a reality TV recapper, I believe David may have had a point.

During his one-on-one time with Jasmine, Benoit looked adorable in his glasses and wasted no time sticking his tongue down our leading lady’s throat. As Benoit himself puts it, “I’m French Canadian, so I French kiss.” This seems fair, and he’s freaking adorable, so Jasmine was into it. She was, however, concerned their connection was only rooted in the physical, but when your date kisses as passionately as Benoit, is that really such a bad thing?

Finally, the show concluded with an acrimonious football-themed group date that conveniently pitted nemeses Chris and Drew against each other. Chris, the self-styled “nice guy,” was not a jock in high school and was initially alarmed the date would entail a football game. Cocky Drew was predictably insensitive about this, but in an equally predictable twist, he was humbled when Chris’ team trounced his.

Not satisfied with just beating Drew on the football field, Chris decided to use his one-on-one time with Jasmine to trash his enemy. Here’s the thing, when a self-identified “good guy” spends all his time trying to take down others, one must wonder whether he is, in fact, a good guy.

The rivalry between Drew and Chris is telling. It’s a commentary on two forms of toxic masculinity, with Drew playing the Aggro Bro who makes snide comments and wears his arrogance on his sleeve. Chris, on the other hand, is cast as the Nice Guy, the more insidious archetype of toxic masculinity. The Nice Guy is the dude who is comfortable engaging in controlling behaviour, telling a woman whom she should date and why. He justifies his interfering ways with his belief that he is innately good. It’s hard to tell which form of toxic masculinity is more troubling in 2016.

In the end, poor Jasmine was so shaken by the conflict between Chris and Drew that she cancelled the show’s weekly cocktail party to allow herself more time to consider her decision. While she ultimately awarded roses to both Drew and Chris, it was sad to see Jasmine’s confidence shaken. The girl is usually assertiveness incarnate, and we love that about her! We’re hoping she’ll regain her mojo next week.

In the battle of Jasmine versus bad boyfriends, we’re rooting for Jasmine.

Thank you to Two Oceans Wine for partnering with us on this post, and for hooking us up with the sweetest Bachelorette Canada viewing kit: popcorn, a cozy blanket, socks, a chocolate rose (!!!) and two bottles of beautiful wine (Two Oceans Sauvignon Blanc and Two Oceans Shiraz). Now that’s how you do The Bachelorette Canada in style.