Dear MJ,

I have been in a relationship with a guy for 9 months. We get along really well and the sex is good. The problem is, I want it WAAAY more than he does. If it were up to me, we’d be doing it every day (at least once, if not more) but he’s quite content doing it only a few times a week. I’m usually the one getting things going and lately I’ve started to try and wait for him to initiate it but a few days will pass and he won’t and by then I’m so horny that I have no choice but to jump him. We’ve talked about it and he says that he loves having sex with me but that he’s tired after work and doesn’t always feel like it. We live together in a small place so there’s really nowhere for me to go to masturbate alone. He’s a great guy and I don’t want to leave him but I’m seriously starting to consider screwing around because I’m not getting the satisfaction I need.

Help,
Sexually unsatisfied
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Dear Unsatisfied,

You’re in your prime all the time and he’s too pooped to perform, you say? That is indeed a problem, my friend.

For most people, the first flush of a relationship is all about sex. However, we’re all wired differently and maybe your guy is one of those rare males who is quite content just having a companion and a cuddle. Personally, I wouldn’t be happy with that and from the sound of it (you said “WAAAY”), neither are you. No matter what though, screwing around is never the best option. The world has enough cheaters, and I know you can do better than that.

I have a friend in a similar situation: he’s engaged to a woman whose sex drive pales in comparison to his. He won’t break up with her because he thinks she’ll make a great wife (whatever that means) so he cheats and feels it is justified because he’s not getting the sex he wants at home. After all, he has to get it from somewhere…. Does that sound like a good story to you?

The way I see it, you have 2 choices:
A) You decide that there are more important things in life than sex (although I don’t know what they are so you’ll have to ask somebody else for advice on that one!) and accept the fact that if you stay with this great guy, you’ll just have to find other ways to feel satisfied (I’d suggest getting either a hobby or a really good vibrator and a bathroom door that locks in this case). Let’s be honest, getting laid 3 times/ week isn’t the most horrible thing in the world, it’s certainly better than zero.
or,
B) You face the fact that this guy- as great as he is, may not be the one for you. If sex is so important to you and you can’t curb that (and in my opinion, you shouldn’t have to) then maybe you would be better suited with somebody whose libido is on par with your own.

Either way, you need to communicate your feelings. Listen to what he has to say and be honest with yourself about what that means for you. And hey, if his argument is that he’s too tired at the end of the day, then maybe you could turn him into a morning fucker! Have you tried that? Most guys wake up hard so he’ll have no excuse. Just get up a bit before him, wait for it to rise before he does and pounce!

Yours in sexy love, MJ