Looking for something LGBTQ to do during this month of rooooomance? This event is a great Valentines option for queer and queer-friendly folks. The slow dance comes packed with everything you need for fun or flirts. Whether you’re single, coupled, poly, queer or straight, this is a fantastic opportunity to relive your high school dance fantasies (especially if you never went to one in real life). Everyone is encouraged to ask each other to dance and make new friends.

I’m not gonna lie, dancing—especially slow dancing—has never been my forte. I’ve spent years dodging dances except for the most drunk of celebrations. I had planned to try to go to the Queer Slow Dance a half a dozen times and got cold feet many times before I finally went—stone cold sober. Luckily it was Halloween (the comforting anonymity of costumes!) and I had my girlfriend by my side to keep me from getting too skittish.

We knew it was gonna be a blast when, moments after walking in, we got a ton of thumbs-up and high fives on our matching nun outfits. Someone even directed us to a couple nearby dressed in matching Mormon misssionary costumes (backpacks, khakis and all!). The Mormons gave us a respectful nod, saying “Sisters.” We smiled back beatifically, and I responded, “Elders.” From that moment on we were right at home, and spent the night holding each other close, smooching it up, and cooing at how adorable everyone was. The tunes were great and we had fun swaying slowly, living out a real-life version of the scene in Casper where Christina Ricci and Devon Sawa kiss. But you know, dressed as nuns.

With the upcoming Be My Valentine Edition of the Queer Slowdance, I thought there couldn’t be a better time to interview the creator of this fabulous event, Sherwin Sullivan Tjia.

Here is what Sherwin had to say about this super queer, super romantic event:

SDTC: How would you describe the Queer Slow Dance for someone who’s never attended one?

Sherwin Sullivan Tjia: It’s a way for queer folks to make new friends! We play slow songs all night long, and people ask each other to dance. For the first half of the evening we have a small library of Designated Dancers whose job it is to seek out wallflowers and turn them into “perennials”. We also have all the slow songs listed in a Dancecard-booklet so you can book a certain song with a certain someone if both parties are agreeable.

I know this event is all about pushing people to make new friends and dance with strangers, but my question is, is it ok to come if you’re a couple and just want to dance with each other, or is that bad form?
It’s totally okay to come in a couple! Just know that you might be asked to dance! But you are free to politely decline.

Who is your target audience for this event?
Lesbians, gays and queer folks, 19+.

[Note: This is a primarily queer party, but as the Facebook Event reads, “you do not have to be queer to attend this party, but you must have an open mind, an open heart, and have open arms.”]

What would you advise someone who is nervous to come out to the dance but wants to do it?
It’s completely normal to be scared to come. For many this kind of event is terrifying. It does recreate a kind of traumatic scenario. But the thing is—now you’re an adult. You have a better sense of self. You’ll discover that once you dance one dance, and you realize how warm and welcoming everyone at the event is, you’ll become addicted to asking people to dance. It’s really quite remarkable. And another thing is that everyone is there to slowdance. They wouldn’t have come otherwise. Everyone is kind of in it together.

What is the history of the event? Why slow dancing?
The event started a several years ago in Montreal (because that’s where I live!) It started as a lark. I went to some events that my friends held and everyone was fast dancing to fast music but I didn’t want to because I don’t like to sweat. I was very sad because I remember slowdancing in junior high dances, but no one ever did it anymore except at weddings. And I thought to myself that I wanted people to be able to do that again. So I had the ridiculous idea to have a whole night where that’s all you did. I think slowdancing is such a charming and heartfelt way to interact with people. You get such a good sense of a person when you are holding them in your arms. Eventually I started doing them in other cities, and I brought it to Toronto a couple years ago.

Any special anecdotes (couples who met there, for example)?
With an event that is so suffused with romance, it was bound to happen that people would end up meeting folks they didn’t just want to be friends with. Since Toronto Queer Slowdance started a couple years ago, I have two couples that are engaged, two couples celebrating their six-month anniversary, and another couple celebrating their three-month anniversary. And this is just the folks who have made a point to email me and let me know! I am proud, delighted, and humbled that I was able to facilitate that sort of thing. Of course I can’t promise that anyone will find anyone at my event—I just hope that people will come with an open heart, hoping to make new friends.

How do you pick your songs?
I go a lot by what I personally like. People email me suggestions, and while I can’t guarantee inclusion, I do promise everyone that I give every song a listen. I go with a lot of the classics, but I try to inject new songs in the setlist too. There are some songs that aren’t well known, but are incredible slowdance songs. For instance, “Transatlanticism” by Death Cab For Cutie is a wonderful song to end a set, but not a song you immediately think of when you think slowdance.

Can you explain about designated dancers?
We have Designated Dancers for the shy because a terrible thing happened at the very first slowdance I ever did. When the music started, no on danced. Everyone was too shy to ask each other. It was a gut-wrenching recreation of junior high in the worst way. That’s when I decided I needed folks who would warm up the floor, would ask folks to dance, would break the ice and get the ball rolling. After that first disaster, we’ve always had Designated Dancers. They are volunteers, gregarious and compassionate, who sign up to ask folks to dance. They wear a little white LED light over their hearts, so they are identifiable in the dim light. Their job is to hopefully turn all the wallflowers into “perennials” who will themselves start asking folks to dance. Instead of pay-it-forward, I prefer to think of it as “sway-it-forward.”

—
The Be My Valentine Edition of the Toronto Queer Slow Dance happens at the Dovercourt House (805 Dovercourt Rd) on Saturday, February 8th at 10pm. The event goes late and your $10 admission includes a dancecard booklet so you can save songs for your friends or lovers! I whole-heartedly (aw) recommend this amazing, sweet and truly romantic event!