ICYMI last week: I had a threesome with a super hot couple and it was super hot.

“Should we all go into the bedroom now?”

He and I nodded aggressively like toddlers being offered an ice cream cone. However, before that happened I remembered an important detail I needed to share…

“Shit. I have my period!” I exclaimed, completely forgetting up until that moment that I was lightly bleeding from my vagina. I went into panic mode once again. I knew they were both very progressive folks who would never dare to judge a menstruating woman, but still, I should have informed them of this BEFORE we scheduled the rendezvous.

Hilariously enough, all worry drifted away when she replied, “Oh! I have my period too.” This triggered all of us to giggle together as if we were at a teen slumber party and someone just revealed that sometimes they “touch themselves down there.” Of course, I’m the last person to shy away from period sex so I was fully on board and so were they.

First things first though, she needed to remove her tampon. She headed to the bathroom to do so and he followed behind. I was a tad confused by this until he returned to say, “I just wanted to get permission to start making out with you. I got it.” His tongue then dove into my mouth and the fury began! As we passionately made out, I began to finally feel completely at ease with everything that was about to transpire. Funny how a super charge of arousal will do that to you, huh? I guess that’s why people have sex? ‘Cause it’s “Hakuna Matata.” Unless it’s terrible – then it’s “Hakuna MaNADA” (thank you and goodnight).

As our furious smooching continued she arrived tampon-less and ready! Now it was my turn to remove a menstruation product from within my vaginal canal. BTW my choice of period product is the menstrual cup. So I waved goodbye for now to the couple as I strolled confidently over to the latrine. I chuckled quietly to myself as I looked into the mirror. “Oh, Jess. You’re such a daredevil,” I proclaimed as I dumped my menstrual blood into the loo. The only two times I felt this kind of big time excitement in regards to intercourse was when I lost my virginity and when I had casual sex for the first time and – let me tell you – those days are long, long, LONG gone. Know what I mean? I’ve seen several penises…is what I mean. But I digress…

After I tossed my washed cup in my purse, I headed back into the love den to get this pheromone-trio started. I noticed that she was now in her underwear so I immediately stripped down as well and so did he. The three of us then sat on the bed, half-naked, and stared into each other’s eyes wanting to bang not knowing how. “What happens now?” I thought. “Are we playing a game of chicken and whoever makes a move first loses/totally wins? The anticipation is KILLING ME!”

To my own surprise, it was me who made the first move! I leaned over to my lady friend, lips first, and gently whispered, “Can I kiss you?” She grinned and sweetly answered, “Yes,” and the fury was reignited. After that, things were kind of, well, a blur. I know – I’m leaving out the most important details! Calm down, horny reader, I will reveal all that your masturbatory nature requires.

The reason it was a blur is because it was incredibly fluid and it’s hard to identify many specific moments. I was amazed by how each movement truly flowed into the other. We just figured it out organically; we didn’t have to micromanage basically at all. I mean, yes, there was tons of communication. Lots of “Can I do this now?” and “How would you feel about doing that to me?” and “If you were headed in that direction, which I think you were, please proceed.” But that didn’t put a halt to any of the sexiness transpiring; it was more a matter of politeness than of us not knowing what we were doing. We knew what we were doing.

There was oral sex. There were hand jobs. There was penetration. There was fondling. There was masturbating. There was mouth-to-mouth. Really, it was a sex buffet and we all got a full plate of climaxing. Yup, each one of us orgasmed. In fact, I was leading the charge on THREE of those orgasms. One of us came twice – that one of us being my female pal. And who made her come twice? THIS GIRL. *HIGH FIVE* *HAND SHAKE* *INAUGURAL CHEST BUMP* Look. I don’t want to brag, but I’m 100% going to. It was my first time with a woman and I made her come twice. Twice! Can I put THAT on my resume? And while she was on her period, no less! I got my red wings (meaning: I went down on a menstruating beauty) and I learned that I’m great at getting girls off physically and mentally. Hello! I’m a feminist icon! Okay, I’m done bragging (not really though).

My favourite part of the entire event was when I went down on her. I had never done it before and I wanted to determine how I ranked in this area. I always imagined that I would be okay at it since I know the female anatomy like the back of my labia lips. I discovered that following your instincts, sticking to the spot that’s making her thrust, and listening are all key to good cunnilingus. Really, that’s it! Also, everyone is unique, so if you think you are awesome at eating vag, it doesn’t mean you are awesome at eating every vag. Take notes, ask questions and don’t lick her inner thigh for fifteen minutes! (Like, what were you even doing in my inner thigh, straight man I’m talking about? Seriously. Were you lost? That was not my vulva!)

I’ve always thought cunnilingus must be harder than I imagined and boy did I discover that it’s not nearly as intimidating as my insecurities told me it was. Also, threesomes are SO fun and SO hot and SO fun-hot. Of course, the two people I did it with are not only extra sexy and extra good at pleasuring others, they’re also both so sweet and understanding and open-minded and funny (which I realized is excellent for a threesome). I couldn’t imagine two better people to go down on in one evening.

They even offered to drive me home after we all…finished. So, we hopped into their automobile – the three of us AND THE DOG! (I mean, what is this, some sort of sex-positive polyamorous progressive sitcom?) When we arrived at my apartment, they both thanked me for a wonderful night and I kissed each of them goodnight. *SWOON and SWOON* On top of it all, they each messaged me the next day to tell me what a good time they had and that I was a babe and they’d love to do it again.

Did I hit threesome gold with these two? I think so. My vulva has won the double lottery and is ready for seconds. I’ve never felt more confident or more desired or more beautiful than I did spending the night with my face in their crotches. It was honestly magical. The fact that I was on my period was just the cherry on top of this lovely sex-sundae.