First off, let me apologize for how long it’s been since I’ve written. When your sex life is so dry your dick becomes dusty, you kind of stop thinking about it all together. Well, that, and you think about it every five seconds. Seriously. Every dude I’ve seen in the past month, I would bone. That is how hard up I am. Women, on the other hand, as far as I can tell, are more reserved than the gay boys are. Yeah, I’ve known a few to cat-call under their breath from time to time and maybe even bring home some random dude from the bar, but in general… I’d have to say the gays are more loose. Take for example, making out/blowing/h-jaying/fucking a dude who is married. Most gays would have no problems with this (in fact, it would be most homos not-so-secret fantasy), but I have to imagine many of the gals out there would have a little ish with that sitch. Why? Why are homersexual dudes seemingly so much more open to grey (or black) area sex?

DUDES
We’re realists… Most married gays will tell you some bullshit about how monogamy was not ever how man was supposed to live, and if you can love the one you’re with, why the fuck not? Then they’ll tell you all these arbitrary rules they have to make it ok. Seriously, I’ve heard all of these before: only threesomes (so we’re still together), only at bars (how slutty are you? Oh wait, I answered my own question), no kissing (thanks Julia Roberts), no anal/ no blowjobs/no rj’s (and no fun, I say), only at their place, only at our place, the list goes on. So while gays are striving more and more towards marriage, we are concurrently becoming a nation of sluts, too urbane to settle down into some bougie (although gays are arguably the most bougie of them all) bullshit existence. Dig it? Men also tend to be huge sluts, gay or straight. That’s why we suggest shots. To get the opposite party drunk enough that we don’t look quite so hideous in the dark, dark bar light. Then they swoop in for the kill. And despite what The Wedding Planner or Sex And The City might have you believe, not all fags are perfect wedding planners. A lot of gays just don’t give a shit about the institution of marriage or its sanctity. So defiling it by boning married dudes (gay or otherwise), doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to us. I say, deny us marriage, we blow (married) Larry Craig in airplane bathroom stalls. Excuse me, I think I just made the gay population collectively throw up.

LADIES
I don’t know. Loosen up, prudes! No, for reals. Although, I suppose, unlike the gays, there aren’t many straight marrieds that have open relationships. I mean, I walk past Wicked most Saturday nights, and I don’t see a lineup of randy guys and gals pounding down the door. I think chicks just have less options when it comes to banging married dudes. Straight guys who want to cheat on their wives with nubile young twenty somethings are probably not the kind of guys the aforementioned nubile young twenty somethings would be into. I just picture a guy with his undershirt and socks still on, lying seductively in bed. That’s a hot picture.

So maybe the reason we cheat more is we have more opportunity. Good looking dudes, most married gays do it, there’s only so many fish in the sea… And for fuck’s sake, we have bathhouses! Places designated specifically for fucking other gays in the mouth/ass, what-have-you. Law & Order taught me that you need means, motive, and opportunity. We have all three in spades. I think you young girls just have the opportunity. And without the others, you’ve just got circumcised(zing!)tantial evidence.