by Lizzie

To attract those with a brains & beauty fetish, there’s no need to invest in head to toe sexy librarian attire. Wool tights are scratchy, and besides, didn’t your mother ever teach you that less is more? No ladies, the secret to conveying an irresistible vibe of detached intellectualism is just the slightest smattering of newspaper ink on your fingertips.

While you may assume that a look of informed worldliness would be best achieved by reading a report on the status of Sudanese refugees in The Globe’s Focus Section, the accoutrement of choice is a free weekly: cheap ink and colour equals ease of application. This weekly should be kept alongside the eyelash curler and liquid foundation in your boudoir’s most accessible drawer. Run your fingers up and down the shemale ads for bonus pleasure.


Once you’ve gussied up your digits, head to one of these locations.
A. A bookstore café
B. A protest against tuition fee hikes
C. The baguette basket at a bakery
D. The photocopy machine at the city archives
E. A cinema screening a Woody Allen film, preferably Annie Hall
F. The billy bookcase section of Ikea

Wait for your prey. He can best be detected by an overflowing bag with papers caught in the zippers, corduroy pants and a generally disheveled manner. When he approaches draw attention to your lustworthy fingertips, then use one of these unfailing pickup lines.

At Café: Please pass me THAT Biscotti (pointing with elongated finger). I must repair my blood sugar levels. I’m so infuriated by this article on the rampant nationalist bigotry in Switzerland. Speaking of which, would you like to have fondue?

At City Archives: Won’t be long, I’m just making three copies (make three sign with fingers) of this editorial on urban sprawl in China. It will be a fitting accompaniment for my book club’s study of Jan Wong’s Beijing Confidential. I’m very curious about sprawling. Would you like to sprawl on top of me?

Don’t worry if you can’t actually sustain a conversation on the policies of the Swiss People’s Party. Once he sees your soiled fingers, he’ll melt.

Remember the two golden rules of newspaper ink fingertip fashionistas:

One, never mention that you were reading a Rebecca Eckler article.

Two, make sure to wash your hands in that pivotal moment between seduction and third base. Ink mixed with vaginas can make for an itchy situation.