I started smoking in a unique way.

Most people my age were probably pressured into it at one point in the smokers’ pit that exists outside every suburban high school in the GTA. I, on the other hand, did it as an act of revenge. When I was a teenager, I was a vocal nonsmoker – I even spearheaded an anti-cancer campaign at my high school. That all changed in my second year of university when I dated a guy (a smoker) who suddenly cut all contact with me and got back together with his ex-girlfriend. My intuitive response was to buy a pack of cigarettes, light my first one ever, and then proceed to smoke half the pack in one sitting while crouched on the curb in front of my apartment. It was my way of saying, “Fuck you, you broke my heart.” And I probably wanted to do something a bit self-destructive at the time.

For the first year I smoked in secret: walking to the grocery store, sitting in my backyard, even while leaning out of my bedroom window. It took a while for me to actually become addicted and need to smoke in public throughout the day, such as outside the campus library or the store where I worked. I was embarrassed because I didn’t want to deal with the inevitable comments – “You know cigarettes are bad for you, right?” – and I liked maintaining my false reputation for health and innocence.

But I continued to smoke off and on, usually when I was feeling stressed or bored. Finally I quit cold turkey this January as part of my New Year’s resolutions – a cliché, I know, but it’s December and I haven’t caved yet.

It’s tempting. Lately I’ve been struggling with more anxiety than usual. It would be easy to light a cigarette to calm my nerves. And the cold weather always makes my cravings worse: I used to spend the winter months walking to school or work, holding a burning cigarette to keep my hands warm.

All online solutions are pretty much the same (e.g., nicotine replacements, therapy). One website even suggests you switch to a cup of herbal tea whenever you feel like having a cigarette. Yeah, because that’s totally the same thing, right?

Maybe you’re having a hard time resisting temptation too and could use my blunt pseudo-wisdom. I can’t help you quit, but I can help you stay quit. Here’s what I keeping telling myself (and so far it’s been working).

  1. Even if you’re financially stable, convince yourself that you are skint and there is simply no way you can afford to be a smoker.
  2. Remind yourself that if you try to bum a smoke from a stranger on the street, you will appear incredibly desperate.
  3. Start running regularly. Trust me, even if you have “just one” cigarette after a long time on the no-smoking wagon, your chest will feel like it’s collapsing the next time you go to the gym.
  4. Remind yourself that smoking is a gross, disgusting habit and your boyfriend (or S/O) will never want to kiss you on the mouth again.
  5. Carry less cash. If you use your credit card to buy a pack of cigarettes, even the convenience store dude will shake his head at you.
  6. Ditch any friends who know that you’ve recently quit but still insist on smoking around you. It’s ignorant on their part, and you don’t need that kind of trigger.
  7. You can’t smoke at Toronto restaurant and bar patios anymore anyway, so what’s the point?
  8. Read about how Mary Kate Olsen had a bowl of cigarettes for guests at her wedding, and use that as inspiration to be the opposite kind of human being.