Roommates can be such a gift. If you’re very lucky, agreeing to co-habitate can result in a house filled with friends who are around to celebrate your triumphs, mourn your losses, and get accidentally drunk with you on a Monday night. At this blissful period in my life, I live with some pretty awesome roommates in a pretty bitchin’ apartment. Having roommates that you enjoy sharing your personal space with is a bonus many people take for granted, but believe me when I say that my roommates are a privilege I have earned through many years of living both alone and with others in some very sketchy homes.

Having spent my first year after graduating university in an environment overrun with the frantic energy that inconsiderate people so often create and fuel with behaviour like leaving sweaty gym clothes in the kitchen or not washing any dishes, ever, under any circumstances, I have grown to fully appreciate the synchronicity that can be created when mindful and thoughtful people decide to share a living space. Of course, this harmony is bound to ebb and flow, as we all have secret at-home Shame Behaviour (I eat in the bathtub and I don’t like washing cups) to which we are absolutely entitled but that isn’t always likely to jive with everyone else’s preferences.

In these times of conflict, we must attempt to shed light on the root causes of the occasional housemate hiccup: thinking it is acceptable to bring home guests at 4am on a Sunday, for instance, or emptying out your roommate’s shoulder bag because you “needed one and she wasn’t home”. The best we can do is remain mindful and aware of our surroundings, strive to not to eat each other’s grapes, and to follow these ten simple zen guidelines, penned in ancient times by a wise old philosopher (maybe) (you don’t know). Ahem:

1. Our greatest glory is not in washing every dish we use, but in using every dish we’ve washed (even cups).

2. A toilet paper roll in the hand is worth twelve in the store.

3. Harmony in a common space is built from a foundation of trust, balanced Feng Shui, and keeping your shit in your own room.

4. All beings in a household are deserving of pleasure, and so must we celebrate the raucous orgasms of our housemates.

5. You will find the answer to who ate your snacks in the same place that you find the crumbs.

6. When you secretly eat the food of a friend, you rob yourself of a gift that can no longer be offered.

7. He who is a guest in the apartment will find that for every door opened there is but only one bathroom (and it is usually at the END of the hall, get out of my room, Mike, jeeze).

8. Just as a cat cannot sleep when the rain falls upon its fur, neither can a roommate slumber when the guests are loud.

9. As the old man can only carry as many sticks up the mountain as his sack will hold, so must he who fills the garbage empty the bin to maintain the cycle of destruction and renewal.

10. The divide between spirits is inevitably bridged with the commiseration over construction outside our windows at 8am.

Meditate on these pieces of wisdom and go forth a happier, healthier, more considerate roommate. Start with lighting a match in the bathroom after a poo! A practical yet elegant ancient custom. Hurrah! Ancient philosophy FTW!