I got dumped recently. And though I may now be—finally!—ready to sport a sexy bodysuit and sashay my way back into the dating world to the soundtrack of “Single Ladies,” “Irreplaceable,” and “Independent Women Part I” (basically all of Bey’s songs), getting my Sasha Fierce on was no easy feat. I required a whole 10-step program to get over my break up.

If you’re currently residing in Splitsville, and wondering how I was able to break out of the depths of my bedroom and remove myself from Netflix, here’s my handy guide on the Essential Stages of Getting Over A Break-Up. Remember: you are not alone. I mean, yeah, OK, technically, you are alone now, and I’m super sorry for rubbing salt into wounds and all that (GAH), but, all’s I mean is that you’re not alone in your experience, k? I’m here for you. Brianne is here for you.

1.     Admit and Accept That It’s Over – I know you’re shocked. Just last week you were planning a weekend trip to NYC and then yesterday they were all like NOPE and had to go find themselves/focus on their career/do their taxes/whatever. It sucks, yes. But you’ve gotta admit and accept that it’s completely over.  Meaning, it’s not a “phase,” there is no possibility of “well, maybe in the future…,” no. You’re dunzo. And the sooner you admit that, the better your recovery will be.

2.     Put Your Faith in Netflix – Netflix will never let you down. Netflix will never leave you. Netflix is there to make you laugh and reconnect you with long-lost friends like Mulder and Dawson. Netflix is there to distract you and lighten your mood. Let it.

3.     Make The Decision To Eat and Shower – These once-primal tasks are now super difficult to complete. Crying has replaced eating and sleeping has overtaken showering. Besides, who needs to be groomed when you’re never dating anyone EVER AGAIN?! I get it. But eating is healthy, and so is showering. Plus they will make you feel human again. Promise.

4.     Don’t Overanalyze – You know how you keeping running that last conversation you two had over and over in your mind? And how you keep second-guessing yourself—if you had said or done anything wrong or if you could have said something differently to change things or wondering if what they said really meant something else? Yeah, stop that. Now. It’s not serving you. At. All. There was nothing you could have done. Oh, and there’s nothing wrong with you either, babe.

5.     Get Angry – Swear. Scream. Punch a pillow. Create a bitch list of all your ex’s shortcomings. Yelling is better than crying at this point. For some reason, getting mad automatically kicks your mojo back into high gear and helps you get all “They don’t know what they’re missing!” This is a very good thing.

6.     Let Your Friends Take You Out – You’ve been ignoring them for days, sending them brief “I’m still alive!” texts, but now it’s time to let them help you. They just want you to be happy again because they love you, so throw them a bone. If it means putting on pants that button and a top that shows off your curves, even better. Most importantly: don’t forget to ALLOW yourself to enjoy yourself. It’s OK to have fun.

7.     Learn Your Lessons – Every relationship serves a purpose. Maybe they introduced you to comedy and now that’s your shiz. Or maybe they took you away to Europe for the first time. Or maybe they opened you up to dating again, something that you had sworn off before they entered your life. There’s a beautiful lesson in your broken relationship and when you find it and appreciate it, your shoulders will relax, you will exhale (shoop shoop) and you will immediately feel an awesome release.

8.     Self-Love Yo’self – I never really got that whole Meredith and Cristina Yang “You’re my person” thing on ‘Grey’s.’ I mean, sure, it’s a sweet sentiment but I’m more apt to believe that I’m my person, just as you are your person. No one completes us (sorry/not sorry, Jerry Maguire). We are each responsible for our own happiness, so keep doing/searching for whatever makes you LIGHT UP. Whitney said it best: “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”

9.     Date. Or Not. – If you want to go out with that cute guy or gal who you met at the coffee shop, go for it. Maybe they’re just what the doctor (vagina) ordered. If you want to have a relationship with your pizza right now, all the more power to you. Do you. You will date again. And when you do, maybe they’ll be the one you couple up with for good, or maybe you’ll consciously uncouple/break up/whatever. If that happens, you’ll have this handy list to guide you through it all over again! (Ugh. Sorry. )

10. Sasha Fierce Time – It’s time to strut your stuff.  You’re loving your vibe, you’ve filled yourself with self-love, you’ve grown, you’re basically flawless. It’s time for peeps to bow down. Baby’s back, bitches.