I grew up surrounded by women. In a girl power house, with a Travelling Pants crew of four best girlfriends, playing make believe in the backyard with my fellow, almost exclusively, little girl neighbours. I didn’t see any of the Die Hard movies until I was 22, and the only memories ‘GI Joe’ conjures for me are these ones. My youth was saturated with estrogen, and for the past two years, I’ve gone back to my roots, and lived in a tiny pink apartment with two of the loveliest ladies you could possibly hope to have as roommates. Until now. As fall started creeping into the city, I packed up my (considerable) collection of crap and hauled it from the west end of College St. to Kensington Market, to move into a rambling Victorian with three boys.

While I’ve lived with guys before, I’ve never been the sole double X in a Y-centric household. Suddenly, the fruity and floral aromas I was used to were replaced with the spicy scent of Irish Spring and Axe in the air. The number of shoes at the door exactly matched the number of people who lived there (with the exception of some girlfriend slippers), and there was nothing, literally nothing, on the living room walls. It’s been interesting. So, as my time in the land of dudes comes to an end, I send you a missive from Guyville. Here’s what you can expect if you’re falling down the XY rabbit hole.

1. Space
Hear that? Whistling through the halls, from the living room, around the corner? That omnipresent silence? Living with guys is kinda peaceful. They talk less, they’re around less, and when your door is closed, it means your door is closed. Even if you shout ‘come in!’ they’ll probably just talk from the other side of it. There’s a sort of inherent space and privacy that comes from living with guys, and (I’ve found) a general zen. I spend a lot more time curled up reading books and sipping tea, and less time analyzing feelings, decoding daily events, asking for advice, and complaining. I also have a significantly higher phone bill. While I’m enjoying my serene retreat, and it’s wonderful to live with people who are so considerate about space, I miss the comfort of knowing I can sit down sobbing on my living room couch and have someone listen to me be unreasonable for an hour and still want to hang out with me afterwards. Girl roommates are much better at this.

2. Stuff
Guys don’t have any. Like, none. Decorations in my old apartment included but were not limited to my roommate’s art, leftover birthday streamers, a collection of novelty beer koozies, posters of shirtless jailbait werewolves, you get the idea. We had a whiteboard in the bathroom and copious takeout menus, coupons, and one photo from a small town paper of a dude accidentally exposing his flaccid penis on our fridge. Decoration in Boy Mansion consists of a lamp from Ikea, a pizza box on the living room table, and a bunch of old newspapers. When I was moving in to Boy Mansion, eyes bulged at the number of boxes it took to contain all my crap. But that’s okay, because there’s enough extra space hanging around to sustain my fairly problematic curbside scavenging habit. Why? Because boys don’t have stuff.

3. Supplies
Boys also don’t have tampons. I know, I know, duh. But you’d be surprised how disconcerting it can be at 3 in the morning to remember that if anyone’s bringing the good stuff into the bathroom, it’s you. Same goes for a hairbrush, eyeliner, nail polish remover. You just became Survivor Man, honey. You better be equipped. Although, if you’re lucky, a girlfriend will have stocked the bathroom adequately. Which brings me to my next point…

4. Girls don’t like to hang out at their boyfriend’s houses
Argue with this all you want, but in my experience, most girls prefer to be in their own space. That’s where their stuff lives, and they need more of it than guys. What does that mean? Congratulations, you have way less roommates then you thought you did! Instead of the number of inhabitants of your house doubling every weekend, it thins out, and you have significantly less competition for the shower, the TV, and the working elements. Hooray!

5. Guys don’t really dig food
In a house full of girls, there’s a ton of mutual brunch making, nacho bingeing, late night Pizza Pocket eating, potluck having, foodie good times. Guys don’t seem to understand this. Not once has someone, during a relaxing evening of TV viewing, expressed an unquenchable desire to mission to the store for Skittles with a side of a different flavour of Skittles. Boys are just weird like that. Even the ones that smoke weed.

6. You will miss girls
While the space and silence of a house full of fellas is wonderful, you will find yourself jonesing for some lady power. Once the novelty of all that lovely alone time wore off, I found myself eagerly encouraging my girls to drop in, even for just half an hour. When you find yourself in the estrogen-deprivation-zone, you quickly remember how lovely it is to live with someone who will chug a PBR, listen to you complain about your boyfriend, make you pasta, lend you her clothes, go on emergency runs to the drug store with you in 30 below weather, and not complain when “getting ready” consists of dancing pantsless in the living room to Lady Gaga with a drink in your hand. (Although, in all fairness, I think that could be a gender-boundary-blurring activity.) Female energy is not something to be discounted.