Now that Degrassi is airing Monday-Thursday, it’s become a part of our daily routine. It’s only been a week so far, but I’m already hooked. At the end of last night’s theft-and-fake-baby-fest, I found myself thinking ‘NO! I have to wait an entire THREE DAYS for the next episode!” For those of you who have yet to experience the melodramatic teenaged joy that is the new season of Degrassi, give up. This shit is the future. Kevin Smith knows it, Teen Nick knows it, we know it, and soon you will too. Looking to jump on the bandwagon? Don’t worry, we’ll make room. Here’s what you missed last week.

To begin with, Holly J is back from the Big Apple, and her vaguely French Canadian mother drops the bomb: the family accountant lost all their savings, and they’re moving to a smaller apartment. But the original Little J won’t be stopped! She puts on a tailored dress and marches to school, ready to kick ass in an uncontested presidential election.

Meanwhile, in 10th grade, Dave does what any man in the throes of unrequited love will-crafts a website ranking the girls of Degrassi and voting Alli, tradition-bucking spitfire of his affections, first. Unfortunately, dude doesn’t know that much about computers, and she ends up ranked 43rd. BURN.

In NYC, Fiona is back on the wagon of normalcy with a fancy new boyfriend. Unfortunately, he has a dark side, and he exercises it on Fiona’s face. Trapped between her family’s expectations and her fear, Fi Fi feels panicked.

At Election Central, Sav decides (or rather, his sneaky mom convinces him) to run for Prez. Holly J convinces Anya the only way to take him down, and score the ultimate dump revenge, is by convincing Sav he got her pregnant when they did it in the limo on prom night. Anya, for some inexplicable reason, is unfazed by the idea of the entire student body thinking she’s knocked up, and goes along with it. Sav rallies like a true gentleman, and puppy eyes ensue.

Back in the Big Apple, Fiona catches Bobby cheating on her with minxy Tinsley (as if being an abusive douchebag wasn’t enough already.) She stays home from a family dinner, and Declan is convinced she’s up to her old tricks (you know, the ones that led to a Page Six Twincest makeout).

Alli gets her revenge on Dave by posting a Degrassi Losers List, and voting him number one. He’s convinced this will seriously affect his chances of being voted Grade 10 Class Rep (dude, you were only running to impress Alli anyway.) He confronts her, she gets pissed, some weird rapping ensues, and at the end of the episode he tells her she’s fly and she kisses him on the DL. Romance.

Meanwhile, Sav decides to seal the deal with Anya, and she ignores her misgivings and continues to roll with the fake pregnancy. Somewhere, Holly J cackles with joy.

When Fiona confronts Bobby about Tinsley, he loses it and throws her down the stairs at school. Fiona, earning serious girl power props, refuses to put up with his shit and breaks up with him. He gives her the threatening brooding eyes. Too bad he has no idea who he’s dealing with.

Meanwhile in gifted, super annoying boyfriend stealer Jenna overhears Clare and Alli discussing Clare’s lazer eye surgery, thinks she’s getting a boob job, and tells the universe. Confusion ensues.

Fiona starts chilling on the Vanderbilt rooftop, where she finally calls Declan and confesses the truth about Bobby the fuckwad. Unfortunately, instead of coming clean, she beefs up her eye bruise with eyeliner, snaps a photo, and tweets the bitch. Bobby finds out, freaks out, and Fiona’s credibility is looking shaky as Declan accuses her of lying and trying to make another school hell. Good ol’ HJ rallies, convinces Declan to trust his twin, and Declan gets back on Team Fiona. Fi fi hears about Holly J’s vote of confidence, and jumps on a plane to the 416 to visit her frenemy-turned-BFF.

Holly J could certainly use one, since fake Baby Mommy Anya has switched sides to team Sav-for-Prez. She confesses the fake baby, to seemingly no consequences. Apparently entrapment is ‘sweet’ these days. Savanya decide to use their faux pregnancy to help them win the election, and it works. Principal Snake announces Sav as the new Degrassi prez, and Holly J begins to watch her dreams of attending Yale with Declan fade. Also, Anya tells her no one likes her, which seems slightly unnecessary. Sad times at Degrassi High.

Mama Coyne shows up to rescue Fiona, and decides to let her stay in Toronto and attend Degrassi with her one true friend Holly J. Too bad Fi Fi uses her bank account to buy a credenza on Holly J’s computer, and then Holly J logs in and pays for her SAT prep course with the Coyne family stash. But no worries, Fi Fi’s not telling, Holly J’s just going to make it up to her by devoting 200 hours of solid friend time. And taking all the same classes as Fiona. And helping Fiona study. And watching movies with Fiona. And linking pinkies and walking down the hall with Fiona. Eeeesh, trouble.

In the least realistic Degrassi moment ever, Anya announces her fake ‘miscarriage’ on the Degrassi announcements. Later that day, Sav and Anya are MOing on the couch when Mama Bhandari comes home. Sav tries to play it cool, but Anya comes clean, and dumps Sav for, once again, being unwilling to stick up for their relationship. Clare finds out everyone thinks she got fake t’s, and confronts Jenna, wiping the smile right off her face by telling her she wouldn’t need fake boobs to steal KC back. Then some new goth dude runs over her glasses in what appears to be a hearse, and gives her the sexy eyes. Innnnteresting.

Want more? SO DO WE! Tune in next week, and watch what you missed at ctv.ca.