Dear MJ,

I started seeing this girl about a month ago. Last week we finally got it on. She is really horny which I love, and she gets really wet, which I love also. The only issue is she gets so wet, that I don’t want to go down there cause it has a pitch of odour to it. Not smelly, but something that I’d prefer not to smell. Is this something that comes and goes, or is it linked to her DNA? Its like a can of tomato sauce. It all tastes relatively the same, but this one might have had a dash too much of salt. I’m thinking of cutting it off, but wondering if it was just a bad day for her or something that some douche can fix.

Signed,

Dirty Coochie Concerns

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Dear Coochie Concerned, 

You want your girlfriend to douche? What is this 1970? It is my understanding that douching is something doctors rarely encourage women to do as it can create a whole host of problems.  

Chronic odour down there is usually a result of a bacterial infection of some sort. Namely, Bacterial Vaginosis. How do I know so much about this, you may be asking yourself…? Well, I’ll tell you. I recently found myself on a date with a very open and totally weird doctor who decided to share with me (as I was eating Indian food) that he sees a lot of cases of Bacterial Vaginosis at the clinic. He can detect it from the smell alone, before even taking a look, he said. Wow! What a skill, I marveled. Yes, he went on: in fact, I’ve fooled around with several (several?) girls who have also had that same foul fishy odour and have wondered if I should tell them? Like a free diagnosis? I asked. Exactly! he said. My friends and I discuss it all the time. Great! I thought to myself… this isn’t going anywhere ’cause guess who’s DEFINITELY not going down on me now! I can’t believe you’re sitting here – on our FIRST DATE telling me you’ve fingered several girls with fishy pussies (!!), I said. Well, he continued, it’s very common… certainly nothing to be ashamed of and in fact, most girls don’t even know they have it! (Note: I was at my doctor THE.NEXT.DAY getting her to run the tests- all clear. And I never called Dr. Disgusting again.) 

I don’t know what causes one person to be more or less smelly than another and sadly; I don’t have a miracle cure to fix the problem if she does in fact have one. That’s what doctor’s offices and medicine are for. However, I do know this: a woman’s body is a factory of hormone-driven fluids and at various times of the month they can be different flavours, textures scents and maybe, just maybe you caught her at an ‘off’ moment. Like one day having bad breath and then never again! You see?  

For me, it’s all about the sub-conscious attraction to another person. Looks only go so far. The real kicker is the chemistry between two people and I believe it’s purely chemical. That’s why one person’s body odour can seem like the scent of heaven while another’s can be totally nauseating. Ditto for bodily fluids. After all, pheromones are mother nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac. Perhaps your gal’s fluids just don’t jive with your taste buds.  

My advice is simple: if you really like the girl, give it a shot. In your own words, she gets horny and wet which you “love” (and who wouldn’t?) so ask yourself if it’s worth giving her up so quickly. Now, if the odour persists she should probably have it looked at. And you should tell her, GENTLY. 

For the record, men aren’t exactly the cleanest smelling beasts on the planet. So before you decide to ditch the girl over her salty sauce, I suggest you give yourself a little sniff and make sure you’re not suffering a case of vinegar bag or stinky bum as I’ve heard complaints from many lovely ladies about stenches in both departments. 

Yours in forever love,

MJ