Given that the Vitamin D as elixir of life hypothesis has been rockin’ the pop science pages these days, bra strap burns were bound to make a comeback. Now is the time to defy your concerned friends’ and lovers’ oh so unfashionable attempts to slather your back with SPF 40 and brand yourself with lingerie*.

Much like getting bangs or getting married, the choice of what bra to wear with which tank top in preparation of your self-fry session should not be taken lightly. If you are of a burn first, fade into perma-tan later complexion, this decision may have summer long ramifications.

Straight straps will grant you a classic beauty air, very Catherine Deneuve or Miley Cyrus in her naughty pics. Though I find those who use ultimate frisbee skills as a wooing mechanism to be a particularly annoying breed (enough with the tackling, go screw him already!), I will extend the advice that they should use the sports bra burn to their full advantage. Its extra coverage will result in extra wow factor at the striking juxtaposition of pale and fiery.

Once the bra / tank top combo is chosen, proceed to an activity where you are pleasantly distracted from the fact that solar rays are slamming your body at a speed of 186,000 miles per second. Drink beer on a patio. I recommend the Black Bull, where your red shoulders will speak volumes to the fools waiting in line: “Yes, I’ve been here for four hours already and, though I may resemble a parched lobster, no, I don’t intend to give up my coveted chair anytime soon.”

Or, catch the gay pride parade where it’s fully appropriate to discard your tank top (an ideal opportunity to score the elusive full bra burn). Don’t forget candids with your male equivalents, the leather chaps burned bear and the Super Soaker holster burn dude.

Preserving the memory of your burn while posing for your friend’s wedding album in a strapless bridesmaid dress is a fashion forward touch. Nothing says you’ve reached the echelons of burn strap style like a mother-of-the-bride screeching, “OMG what happened to your back???”

When you’ve reached the peeling stage, put Weezer’s Sweater Song on the stereo and ask your lover to adjust his / her back scratching intensity according to its crescendo. The serpent like shedding of skin is way hotter than the unraveling of a sweater, but since I’ve yet to hear a song about a peeling back it’ll have to do. Some emo group should get on that, no?

* Rogue Vogue holds no responsibility for those who gain asymmetrical and / or hairy moles as a result of this trend, though she does predict that such skin anomalies will be THE look of Fall ‘08