Dear Lana Louise,
Lately, I’ve been having kind of a strange problem. Every time my boyfriend and I start to get it on, I start picturing things (natural disasters, disgusting stuff I saw on the Discovery Channel) and I lose all desire. I’m not trying to think of this stuff, it just hits me as we start to get going and I can’t get it out of my mind. Serious mood-ruiner. Any thoughts?

Hmmm. Brains and bodies can get into patterns sometimes. You know that one smell that always makes you think of grandma’s house? Those seemingly random connections can get very real once they’re locked into your brain. There is actually a medical condition in which women who associate pain with sex begin to feel vaginal pain upon penetration every time. The vaginal muscles physically clamp down as an object enters the vagina and won’t let up (If you experience anything like this, please google “vaginismus” – it’s real and curable and my heart goes out to you.). Your situation isn’t as bad as all that, but it does seem to be getting in the way of things. You’ve gotten your head into a weird pattern and we’ve just got to break it.

Now, there are a couple of different ways of getting out of this pickle, and I think they depend on where your, er, brainismus is coming from. It could just be a perfectly innocent (and perfectly weird) brain glitch with no good explanation. Lord knows I zone out about giant day glo insects eating each other in space at some inopportune times. If this is the case, you need to break the cycle and distract yourself. Try hooking up with your man in different places, at different times of day. Get stoned. Get drunk. Play loud music. Wear a costume. When exactly does the gross daydreaming start? When you’re kissing? When clothes come off? If it doesn’t kick in until things get heavy, then you’re in luck. Just take penetrative sex off the menu for a little while. Get creative doing other stuff and turning each other on without even thinking about the whole tab-A-in-slot-B thing—and therefore not cueing your freak-out thoughts—and I bet before too long you’ll be begging for it. (Pro tip: this also works beautifully for erectile problems).

If none of this works, then there is the shitty-but-obvious explanation— something bigger is going on between you and your man that you don’t want to deal with, so your brain is messing with your sex drive. Is there any reason that you don’t really want to be getting down with him right now? Anything you’ve been having trouble admitting to yourself? If that’s the case, then whatever it is (Relationship issues? Birth control? Turn ons? Secretly gay?—my personal fave, of course), unfortunately you’re probably going to have to deal with it before your problem goes away. Good luck, sister. Let me know how it works out.

For sex advice from Lana Louise, email asklanalouise@gmail.com