You Might As Well Live

By Heather Christie

Life has been worth living these days for Robert Mutt. Despite the plethora of posters around T-dot declaring him a douchebag, the main character of You Might As Well Live has ditched his suicidal tendencies and decided that these days, kickin’ around the third rock from the sun ain’t all that bad.

“[In Toronto] there are a lotta lunatics runnin’ around, sirens, police cars, SARS and things, but whatever…[living] sure beats the alternative.”

But even within the chaos of the city, the budding celebrity is finding time for himself–a little rest, some relaxation and earnest preparation for the clubbing of wild animals. I interrupted Mutt for our chat while he was whittling a very fashionable bear club, a perfect addition to any fall collection.

“It’s about four feet long, a good thickness, yeah. I’m makin’ it outta cedar.”

But Mutt’s evidently productive zeal is a far cry from the swan song to life on Earth he was singing in the opening minutes of YMAWL; so much so that it certainly seems we’ve got a new miracle treatment for depression on our hands.

But if it looks as though bear clubbing and pseudo-stardom is the cure-all for depression, don’t drop the Percoset or Prozac yet; Mutt has had to come a long way. As documented in the film, he has repeatedly attempted and failed to kick his own bucket a number of times, he was checked in and subsequently kicked out of the depression unit of his hometown of Riverside’s psychiatric institute– incidentally, Riverside looks strikingly like Hamilton, probably because the film was shot in the steel capital of Ontario—only to return home to find that the whole of Riverside thinks he’s a moron, loser, pervert, lame-o, etc.

To reach his current happy-go-lucky attitude, Mutt needed a visit from Riverside’s own baseball hero Clinton Manitoba (Michael Madsen) and some support from his buddy Hershey (Dov Tiefenbach) and Hershey’s girlfriend Cookie (Kristen Hager)—if you can call a drug, firearm, and organ delivery boy as well as admittance to an S&M party with the local weatherman friendly support.

By the end of the flick, Mutt ultimately becomes a somebody, his self-proclaimed quest from the outset. But even though he finally fulfills the criteria of getting a girl, some money, and a championship ring, not to mention a feature flick, Mutt says he’s still just an average Joe.

“Mmmm…I dunno…I don’t feel like a somebody most days,” says the actor bashfully.

Modesty is perhaps Mutt’s best trait, second only to his alleged ability to eat an entire roast pan of Kraft Dinner. Now that YMAWL has hit screens everywhere, though, Mutt will have a harder time covering up his most heroic feat–becoming a somebody–because the film is such a spot-on depiction of his life.

“They’re saying it’s pretty funny…yeah it’s pretty accurate, those guys [Simon Ennis and Joshua Peace, the film’s writers] sure had a pretty good idea of what it’s like to be yours truly”

After such a Susan Boyle-esque rise to the top, you may be asking yourself, what’s next in the fast and loose life of Robert Mutt? The answer? Cage fighting. And/or a series of Robert Mutt movies.

“I’d like to be in a sequel of Robert Mutt movies, maybe something underwater with Robert Mutt and some of my friends and some fish maybe…a magical world and then it goes into a cave and there are dragons and I gotta slay them or maybe there’s a princess…”

While we wait with bated breath for those thrilling additions to the Mutt saga, Mutt will be negotiating his new rate of pay. He’d like five or six hundred bucks to live off for a while. I guess life is cheap when your activities include playing manhunt and survivor by yourself as well as clubbing bears.

In any case, Mutt describes You Might As Well Live in one word: superexhilarationridefestfeelgoodwon’tcry.

Leaving us with this, the star says,

“If you think you’re a big loser, get over it. Dreams come true if you try…sometimes…maybe.”