Can rape jokes ever be okay? Funny, even?

Heather Jordan Ross thinks so. She’s a stand-up comedian and part of a new touring comedy show: Rape is Real & Everywhere, coming to Comedy Bar on May 23 & 26. The show features comedians who are also survivors of sexual assault – sharing their stories and joking it out. We caught up with Heather this week.

SDTC: How did this all come together?

HJR: When you’re a comedian, you confront everything through comedy. Getting short-changed on the bus, escaping a weird Tinder date, or accidentally getting trapped in a bathroom stall. So when it came to finally confronting our assaults, humour seemed natural. Emma (my co-producer) and I realized we both never wanted to hear rape jokes again, yet we wanted to be telling them all of the time. So we said: Why not a show by survivors?

What do you want the audience to take away from the show?

We need to talk about this. If you’re a survivor, know that you can talk about your experience. Laugh and share your experience. You are allowed to tell your whole complex story, and very importantly, you don’t deserve what happened to you. If you’re not a survivor, look around. Listen to your friends. We’ve got a problem here. Speak up, any way you can. Through heart, through humour.

Is it difficult to joke about sexual assault, for you personally?

Joking about this is the most natural thing in the world. I find it very cathartic, and our performers have said the same. Is it painful? Yes. But it’s the kind of pain that moves you forward, not the kind of pain that holds you back. Every time I get on stage and talk about this, I choose the narrative of my assault. That’s powerful.

What would you say to people who think it’s never okay to make light of sexual assault, even if it’s coming from survivors?

We’re not making light of sexual assault, we’re shining the light on sexual assault. When you’re joking about something like sexual assault, think about who the joke is for. Does the joke punch up, or punch down? Make me laugh, not rapists.

Can you give us a joke from the tour?

I used to be a reporter. One thing I joke about is that after I reported my rape to police, I started calling it my alleged sexual assault. Then I caught myself like: I know it happened, I was there. I was also raped in Burnaby, and I joke that the only thing worse than being raped is being raped in Burnaby.