You got a Liberal Arts degree, or you moved back in with your parents and need to get out, pronto. Maybe the siren song of temp agencies has called you to throw a Reitman’s soft blazer over your jersey skater dress and pretend to be an adult (for now). Welcome to the world of pink collar admin jobs, baby.

I’ve been working in these gigs for about a decade now and feel more than qualified to dole out advice about how and when to assist, and whose ass to kiss whilst doing it. Let’s get into it:

1. “Temp” is a euphemism for “scab”

I’ve worked for $14/hr while idly watching the long-time secretaries of an office get laid off because they “cost too much” in salary and benefits. Do not expect these women (and yeah, they’re all women) to like you. You are literally a scab on their ass: younger, working for less and better at computers. Stay out of their way and try to make an exit strategy from the living purgatory that is your Temp Gig. Remember, you’re only called a temp so that you and your employer don’t feel as bad that you are under-paid and under-valued. Set an expiry date (do-not-destruct button, if you will) on any temp job that pays less than what you’re willing to get paid for a full-time position.

2. Lawyers aren’t so scary…unless you work in a firm

Legal Assistant sounds like a good gig, but unless you need to work a couple years to save up money to get your paralegal or straight-up law degree, you’re going to go toe-to-toe with the lawyers in terms of hours worked for much, much, much, much (did I mention much) less money. You might get some sweet overtime clocked in, true. At a ritzier firm, you’ll probably even get perks like free cab fare home, meals and swanky gifts at the end of the year, but trust me, pals – it’s never worth it. Outside of a firm environment, lawyers are gentle, intelligent nerds who like to go home promptly and will treat you well. Inside of one? You’re better off signing your soul over to Satan himself.

3. Sales guys are exactly as sleazy as they sound, but you can bank on them

Working in a sales office is like a throwback to another time and place. Think: old rich guys who still make their secretaries take dictation. Think: younger guys inviting you to party “at the Duke” to celebrate a big closing with expensive wine and maybe even some blow. Think: literally getting treated nicer the closer your appearance gets to Joan from Mad Men. Add a hot roller set and you’re literally sales admin royalty.

If the throwback style and sexism to boot is something you can put up with, being a sales admin isn’t all bad. Stay loyal to top-performing agents and you might find yourself a sweet personal assistant gig, which generally includes a cut of his (or hers…but let’s be real, probably his) commissions. Suddenly you’re part of the team and bringing home 5-15% percent of what can be HUGE bucks. Plus, don’t forget bonuses for high performance years. I’ve even heard of sales guys who send their personal assistants on all-inclusive, fully-paid luxury vacations for pitching in extra to close a big deal. Bear in mind, the hours can be long, but if you’re willing to put up with the nonsense, sales assistants can cash right out.

4. Loyalty can pay

Want to upgrade your temp gig to full-time? First step as a scab admin is to cozy up to someone who has juice. You know, clout. Someone who’s a big shot. If you are part of what once upon a time would have been called the “steno pool” or is now called something dull like “floating support unit” (which sounds like something from M.A.S.H.), you need to pick your target.

Maybe there’s a certain kind-eyed, dreamy VP who is extra befuddled by toner cartridges. Or maybe there’s a dreamy Lady Suit who likes things just so but is charmed by the way you rebel ever-so-lightly by wearing footless leggings with your pencil skirts. Take these big shots and make them your new BFF. Pop in and ask how their weekend was while delivering their favourite Starbucks drink. If their meeting is running long, ask if you can order them up some lunch. Take note of what their favourite pens are and keep a stockpile in every color. Eventually they will succumb to your wiles and you may find yourself in line for the ultimate temp wet dream – FULL-TIME WITH BENEFITS. Stifle your moans and gird your loins, lady. It’s possible – I’ve done it.

5. Some shit matters; others, not so much

Some HR ladies (and yeah, they’re alllllll ladies) are going to give you a write-up for wearing aforementioned footless tights (yeah, that really happened to me, and yeah, that HR lady has a long hot summer in hell in nude pantyhose awaiting her some day, for real). Others are only going to step in if you piss off the people you’re assisting. Try to follow the lead of the other admin folks around you. If sweater vests and corduroys seem to be cool with the office dress code, test the waters with a floral dress with a nice cardigan. If people tend to do the “skip lunch so I can leave early to catch my 4:15 GO Train” thing, then maybe ask if you can come in and leave 30 minutes later to avoid the TTC rush hour.

Ease your way into casual, non-work related convos, but tread lightly. Some offices are more chill than others. Some will let you go off to auditions (huge score for the thespian-inclined). Others are happy to send you off for lunchtime pints on them (you go, small publishing companies!) or have “nap rooms” (keep it real, tech start ups!) or offer free massages one Friday a month (do it up, sales guys!), or even ALLOW YOU TO DONATE FIVE DOLLARS FOR THE HONOUR OF WEARING JEANS ONE FRIDAY PER MONTH (whoooo government offices, you’re WILD!).

Find the vibe of the office and ride it like a sweet barrel wave all the way to administrative bliss – well…if not bliss, at least medium-income contentment.

At the end of the day, the only thing you have to remember with pink-collar administrative jobs boils down to one simple sentence: hell, at least it ain’t retail.