“We had plans for the weekend,” my friend said. “I texted him on Friday to confirm for Saturday and didn’t hear anything back. On Monday I checked his Facebook and saw that he had a great time on the weekend—without a word to me. I didn’t want to feel like a stalker but checking his social media accounts was the only way to confirm that he wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere.”

We’ve all been there. You’ve been dating someone for a little while. It’s still early but you feel a really deep connection. You talk for hours and anxiously anticipate your next date. They send you cute text messages “just because” which must mean that you’re on their mind a lot. And then nothing. Radio silence. You try calling but they never seems to pick up their phone. You try texting and get a vague response a day or two later. Those plans you had to go to the night market or traipse through the park this weekend have now gone belly up. Or have they? You’ll never know because former dream date has suddenly gone AWOL and you’re left wondering what happened to your budding relationship. It’s called The Fade and it sucks.

When my friends first started complaining about people pulling The Fade I actually felt a bit of relief to know that I wasn’t alone. But it’s still terrible and here’s why: no one likes being left in limbo. It’s bad enough that women constantly have to deal with people calling them crazy every time we display emotion (“She got mad at me because I cancelled our plans at the last minute. That chick is crazzzzy!”). But in my opinion, the absolute worst feeling in a relationship is not knowing where you stand.

Now, I know that most people want to wait a while before they define what it is they’re even doing—casually dating, dating exclusively, having a whirlwind romance that will lead to getting engaged in two months, etc. But I still believe that if you have been on three or more dates, you owe the person a little civility and that means breaking things off in a clear, concise manner.

So what can you do about The Fade? Call them out on it! It may not always work but I tried it on a guy I was seeing for a little over a month when he suddenly stopped responding to messages. I politely explained that if he didn’t want to see me anymore that was fine but he could at least have the courtesy to let me know. Surprisingly, he responded back and even apologized for his lack of communication like an actual grown up. It was so much better than just having to assume that he left the country/assumed a new identity/had a motorcycle accident.  I know that nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news but I think we can agree that it’s better to break things off than to get blown off. So, ladies and gents, the next time you’re dating someone and you realize you’re just not that into them, let them know and move on! It’s just one small step on the path to dating like a grown-up.