Dear MJ, 
My boyfriend walks around the house naked ALL the fucking time! I love him to death, and he looks great in clothes, but the minute they come off, all I see is a hairy back and beer gut. I’ve tried to tell him tactfully many times, but he just doesn’t get it. I’ve even gotten us memberships to the local gym, but he didn’t go a single time. The worst by far is when he’s naked and horny. How can he get me in the mood when all I see is this gut approaching me – it’s an instant turn-off! Help please! 

Frustrated by flab

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Dear Frustrated, 
Is there a tactful way to say “you’re fat and hairy and look like shit naked?” I’m not sure, but I do applaud you for trying! 

My high school boyfriend was a big rugby hero when we first got together and then he discovered beer and pot and started spending less time on the field and more time in the grass. He became lazy and FAT and then hairy (perhaps he was hairy before but I hadn’t noticed until the gut and muffin-top arrived). Like you, I suggested exercise but nothing worked. I once tried to get him to go jogging and he replied: “I don’t run unless I’m being chased.” Chubs became insecure about himself (yet did nothing to change it), then turned jealous and mean. He was fat and I was fabulous, and I’ve never pretended to be anything other than easily distracted, so…. I eventually took stock of the situation and realized that this grumpy porker who replaced my formerly hot and lovely boyfriend just wasn’t for me.  

Sometimes, when you love somebody, you have to accept them warts (or in your case, man titties) and all. Let’s face it, women generally see past the ‘physical’ with someone they really love anyway. I know I do. But I also know that I’m waaaay more turned on by a man with muscles! Why lie? 

If your guy treats you well, adores and respects you, then it’s probably worth looking the other way (literally) for a bit while ramping up your efforts to get him back in shape. Men respond to positive reinforcement. Compliment the parts of his body that make you HOT (even if you have to lie a bit- say his calves are sexy because they’re so muscular, tell him you love his butt because it’s so nice and firm). If he hates the gym, suggest fun activities you can do together like bike riding or hiking. And here’s an exciting thought: you can burn about 150 calories during 30 minutes of sex- up to 200 if the sex is “aggressive” (yes please!).  

So take your fella hiking for an hour (400 calories) and then reward him with a good bonk! 

Yours in forever love,
MJ