My girfriend and I took a huge step in our relationship some time after Christmas. I bought us a slow cooker, also known as a Lesbian Engagement Ring.

In no time at all we were making great dinners and lunches to bring to work and saving ourselves a ton of work in the process. See, “slow cooking” sounds like a time investment, but all you really have to do is plop something in at bedtime and wake up to delicious dishes ready for the lunch bag. Or turn it on Saturday morning and go about your business until it’s time to chow down for dinner. This thing is going to change your life in a huge way.

The best part is, the slow cooker handles a lot of the time and effort normally required of YOU during regular stovetop/oven cooking. Foods stay delciously moist and tender. Hard beans and legumes come out perfect without the added step of soaking overnight. The toughest, cheapest cuts of meat come out tasting like they were hand-braised all day by a loving and careful chef. And the recipes couldn’t be easier—sometimes the whole instruction is to plop in three or four things, and then turn the damn thing on. You do not have to be good at cooking, just following very basic instructions.

Before we begin with the recipes, a few general tips for those new to slow cooking:

– Don’t peek while things are cooking. It takes all the heat out of the thing and slows down the cook time.
– Go to a butcher. Ask the butcher what’s cheap and good for a slow cooker. They always have good suggestions. Even the butcher at the grocery is often happy to make a meal suggestion if you ask what’s good/cheap. These folks live and breathe meat, let them help you!
– Add spices, dairy and/or coconut milk at the end! Milks will separate and spices taste dull after long cook.
– Non-hearty vegetables need to be added in the last hour. Root veggies like potatoes, yams, carrots, and even celery do just great on a slow cook, but delicate or green veggies can get a little peaked/slimy over time.

Now that we’re ready, onto the recipes. These are some of my current faves, but if you want more than you could ever make in a lifetime, just go to that mighty resource of Mom Crafts, Pinterest.

How Is It Possible To Love This Deeply Lentil Soup
We are obsessed with this soup. It’s so simple, and just so so good. You can take out or add in veggies or spices as you desire. Maybe a yam or a couple cloves of garlic. Go wild.

– Rinse 2 cups brown lentils, plop in crock pot
– Chop up 1 big carrot, 1 celery, 1 onion and 1 medium potato. Unceremoniously toss them into the crock.
– Dump in one carton of chicken or veggie broth
– Set to cook on low for 8-10 hours, or on high for 4.
– After the cooking is done, stir in a can of coconut milk.
– Eat the soup.
– Hold your loved one in your arms, humming a lullaby from your childhood you thought you’d forgotten. Gently spoon the soup into your lover’s mouth and watch them flush with pleasure.

My Outlook On Life Has Changed Dijon Pork Tenderloin
This is stupidly easy. As long as you have liquid and pork you can omit/substitute pretty much any ingredient you like. The apples may sound weird but they make the dish come together, promise.

– Chop up a sweet potato and an apple (any kind). Toss in the bottom of the crock pot. Sprinkle a dash of cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice on top because you’re wild and free. Add a handful of sliced onions on top.
– Mix up in a bowl the following: a quarter cup dijon mustard, 2 tbsp mayo (if that squicks you out replace it with olive oil but mayo is way better), a tablespoon of red wine or apple cider vinegar, 3 tablespoons of brown sugar (you can also use honey or maple syrup).
– Plop your pork tenderloin on top of your veg, then dump on the sauce. Try to focus the sauce on the tenderloin itself.
– Chuck the lid on and set that bad boy to 4 or 5 hours on High, or 8-12 hours on Low.
– Eat, laugh, call your mother for the first time in six months. Ask her to tell you a story from when she was your age. Write it down in your journal and smile.

I Am Weeping For How Beautiful The World Is Squash Soup

– Take a squash. I like butternut. Wrap it in foil. Use 2 squashes if they’re tiny.
– Put the squash in the slow cook for a couple hours on High or 4 hours on Low.
– Let the squash cool a bit, then cut in half and scoop out seeds. Then scoop the squash out of its own skin like magic. Or douse it in ice water and peel the skin off the cooked flesh. Sounds creepy but just go with it.
– Put the peeled squash back in the crock with a couple tablespoons of butter, a peeled, chopped apple, and a couple chopped garlic cloves. If you’re feeling fancy you can do onions and celery but who cares? Splash in a cup or two of veggie broth. Cook on High for an hour or Low for two.
– When the soup is done cooking, sprinkle in a tiny bit of nutmeg and/or cayenne.
– Blend it up with your immersion blender or food processor, until it’s a creamy thick dream. If you are into a more “rustic” soup (aka Chunktown, USA), or just don’t have a blender, leave it as is.
– Serve with lots of thick crusty bread slices slathered in butter.
– Shake your head in wonderment at how lucky you are to be alive. Open the windows and call out to the world, “I am here! Take me or leave me, but I am here!” Dance until you fall down in a sated, blissful heap. Then go back for seconds.

Slow cook your food, slow cook your mood.