Dear MJ,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We have a great relationship in almost every way except for one problem involving our sex life. The issue is, I’m uncomfortable with oral sex- more specifically, having it performed on me. My last (and first) boyfriend hated wet things and said a wet pussy was gross so he refused to go down on me, finger me or do much of anything other than just straight sex. I developed a conscience about it and as a result have never let my current boyfriend go down. He used to try in the beginning but I always stopped him and after a while he stopped trying all together and now I’m wondering what it would be like and sort of want him to try it but I’m scared. I worry that it will smell or taste bad and that he won’t like it either or that I won’t and it will only mess me up more. Can you help? 

Signed,
Distressed Down There

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Dear Down,

A straight guy who doesn’t like a wet pussy?? That’s absurd! Are you sure he’s not gay? There can be no other excuse. This is on par with a straight woman being repulsed by an erect penis. Preposterous! Would he prefer you to be all dried up inside? I know a LOT of men and can honestly tell you that not ONE of them would ever admit to being repulsed by a girl who got wet- quite the opposite in fact.

First, I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s a terrible thing to be in a relationship with somebody who has such issues as they tend rub off on you. As is the case here. Especially when you’re young and trying things for the first time. I can relate. I once had a g-spot orgasm with my first boyfriend – neither of us had any experience with such a thing so, at the time, we both thought I had peed the bed. He reacted poorly and I was horrified. I was nervous about having sex in case it happened again – and it did – and again, he freaked out and I cried. Many years later, I had moved on from that jerk and found a lover with more experience who taught me what a g-spot was and how it worked. As soon as I managed to get over the fear of making a mess (and banished the old hang ups I had because of it – and it did take some time, I’m not going to lie to you) hot damn hell on wheels, it was bliss!! I loved it so much we joked about having to put rubber sheets on the bed. (Speaking of, I should give that guy a call; I wonder where he is these days…) 

My point: please don’t allow your ex-boyfriend’s weird sexual hang up affect the relationship you are in now. And more importantly, don’t allow him to continue to crush your self-image and confidence or affect your sex life any more than he already has. You’ve moved on from him, he’s in your past and there is a very good reason for that.

Darling, take a shower, get a wax, give yourself a trim- do whatever you need to do in order to feel fresh and pretty down there. Then lay back, relax and let your man eat you! I guarantee he’ll be delighted with the invitation and you, my friend, are in for a VERY good time!  

It’s hard to open up sometimes, to let things from the past go and just be free. I get that. But that is all a part of growing up and discovering yourself. Don’t be afraid to speak up and gently tell your boyfriend what feels good. Everybody is different and he’ll probably be looking for some reassurance. At the end of the day, it may not be for you but you won’t know until you try.

Yours in love,
MJ