It’s the season finale of The Real Housewives of Toronto’s inaugural season. So naturally, I’m feeling philosophical. I’m wondering what it all meant. But, like any text worth analyzing, I must say RHOT prompts more questions than it provides answers.

The final episode started with Roxy’s return to Toronto. She was back from Europe and ready to rumble with Kara. Ann, however, had different plans. Over a shopping trip with Joan to a furniture store that looked like lobby of a hotel in Las Vegas, Ann planted the seeds for reconciliation between her friends, AKA the people with whom the show contractually requires her to hang out.

Before reconciliations could take place, however, there was Joan’s housewarming party. While my last housewarming party involved a ready-made cheese plate purchased at Longo’s, Joan’s was more reminiscent of Milan Fashion Week, literally. It came with a fashion show and everything. It was so over-the-top, I’m seriously wondering if Joan was Marie Antoinette in another life.

For some reason, everyone feigned surprise that Kara was not in attendance at her mortal enemy’s housewarming. I, however, am not paid to be dramatic on TV, so I wasn’t shocked at all. I mean, I don’t usually attend events held in my enemies’ homes either. I think Sum Tzu advises against that in The Art of War.

After Joan’s over-the-top housewarming fête, Ann finally decided that enough was enough. She therefore organized a lunch meeting for all six women, where they could work through their problems. For some reason, she selected The Rosewater Supper Club as the site of this event. The location surprised me, since I wasn’t aware that restaurant still existed. In fact, it made me wonder whether RHOT exists in an alternate universe where it’s still 1999.

Anyway, the lunch provided mixed results. While Joan and Kara managed to bury the hatchet when Kara apologized for shooting a mosquito with a shotgun (or words to that nonsensical effect), Roxy was not as forgiving. She essentially vowed never to be friends with Kara again. Despite Kara’s attempts to broker a peace, Roxy still went all Red Wedding on her frenemy. Roxy went as far as branding Kara as “a woman who brings nothing to the table.” As if that weren’t enough, she went on to declare, “I don’t want you to ever say my name again.” Okay then! I guess Kara will have to call you something else from now on. My vote is Louisa. That’s a nice name.

After the altercation at Rosewater, all was not over. The ladies still had to attend one last event together: Ann and Stephen’s vow renewal!

The vow renewal was circus-themed. I don’t understand how that theme relates to anything, but this show has taught me that rich people are categorically eccentric. Ergo, their choices will never make sense to not rich, normal people like me.

Ann walked down the aisle in a gown made of black feathers. Its train was so long, I think she may have had to kill Canada’s entire raven population to make it. Admittedly though, she looked great.

While everyone managed to behave themselves long enough for Ann to marry her second husband for the second time, it was not exactly a happy ending. In her interview, Kara confessed to the cameras that she believed the ladies were feigning friendship to avoid ruining Ann’s special day.

For her part, Roxy reiterated that she and Kara will never be friends. She does, however, believe that she and the rest of the leading ladies have officially formed a “squad.” I guess all that ganging up on Kara really served as a catalyst to bring them together.

Ultimately, my opinion as a reality TV recapping professional is that The Real Housewives of Toronto was a masterpiece. It managed to wring ten episodes’ worth of drama from a “face hickey” and a rumour spread by an eyelash lady. The plot was economical but still caused occasion for people to yell at each other while holding wine. I have never before seen a show do so much with so little. I sincerely hope the Canadian Screen Awards take note!

So, am I sad to see this season of Real Housewives go? Well, obviously! I will miss Grego’s dance moves, Ann’s outlandish outfits, Roxy’s spoiled dog, Jana’s killer sneaker collection, Joan’s gorgeous mermaid hair, and the way Kara over-enunciates every word. The six Real Housewives from The Six have earned a special place on my PVR. I pray they receive a second season…