Toronto is, at its core, a small town. Especially within the queer community, where it seems like everybody knows everybody else, and no secret stays secret for long. Sometimes it seems there are only 25 lesbians in the city, and everyone has already slept with each other. You love the city, but you end up seeing the same characters over and over again. Sure, there are always a few who are different, but most people stay the same. Here are the types of lesbians you’ll meet in Toronto.

  1. The Pretty Boi

She looks like a young Leonardo DiCaprio and has already bedded and been proposed to by everybody you know. Maybe you have a girlfriend, but you can’t stop your head from turning when she walks in the room. This girl has everything: looks, style, humour. She’s a walking dream come true. You met her through a mutual friend and you’re shocked at how this friend seems to be immune to her charm. She is somehow constantly single, but you know it’s just because nobody is good enough for her. You follow her on Instagram solely to share her selfies with your straight friends, who are just as smitten.

  1. The Forever Single Party Girl

You made the mistake of letting her talk to you at one of those lesbian dance parties and now your Facebook timeline is clouded with invites to other events. The Forever Single Party Girl is constantly single, at every single queer event in the city, and always looking for a partner. She retells stories of supposed sexual conquests, but you’ve never heard the same name twice. She bemoans her single status and you tell her that despite what Jason Derulo says, nobody in this club is looking for love.

  1. The Baby Dyke

Or, as I like to call her: The Starfish. You know what I mean.

  1. The Softball Lesbian

There’s a good amount of them in the city, out in the wild. In the summer, they play softball and invite you to all their games. You try to be nice, so you go, but ultimately spend two hours a week sitting in the heat and wasting your phone’s battery as you text and Instagram your boredom away. Afterwards, you are introduced to their softball comrades.

  1. The Hypebeast Lesbian

She stands in line at the OVO store on special sweater launch day. She buys $400 sneakers with money that you know you could better use for rent. Her whole outfit is on point but costs more than what you made in the last two months. She’s a sneakerhead and a brand whore all in one. She dresses like one of the cool boys, but the attitude that comes with it is almost impossible to bear. When she asks where your slick white tee is from (Michaels; $5) you lie and make up a fake streetwear brand to get her off your back. She breaks up with you and you watch her walk away, kicking up the dust with her limited edition Adidas.

  1. The DJ

Goddamn it. Just leave me alone with your event invites. She DJs crappy events in crappy bars in the city. She has a septum piercing because, well, every lesbian does. Her favourite producer is Avicii and she thinks dubstep is good easy listening music on a Tuesday night. While the Pretty Boi hates being called a Justin Bieber lookalike, the DJ gets off on thinking she is one. You wish you could block her out of your life entirely, but you have to be nice to her because she’s the girlfriend of the roommate of the sister of the girl you’re seeing, and this community is small and tight-knit.

  1. The Hat Collector

She has an impressive selection of snapbacks at her disposal, and you’ve never seen her wear the same cap twice. Essentially a hoarder in the making, she also collects beanies, empty liquor bottles, DVDs, novelty mugs, iron-on patches, and shitty band t-shirts. RUN. AWAY.

  1. The Hamilton Lesbian

Ahh, the Hamilton Lesbian. They travel in packs. They have long hair but not all wear makeup. They wear snapbacks and button-up shirts from the men’s department at H&M. They’re all pretty hot, but intimidating too. They have rager parties that sometimes take you a week to recover from. With their own tangled history and messes with each other, you debate if you want to get involved. They somehow know everything that’s going on in the city, and you’re pretty sure they’ve already heard some stuff about you too. They are not the source of the drama, but they know it all. If you seen one on the street, now you know: that’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.