Top 5

ways that you know you are high

One:
When the sound of your masticating mouth sounds brilliant
Two:
When you eat garbage
Three:
You have the best orgasm ever, ever, ella, ella, under my umbrella
Four:
You realize you’ve been having a debate about Palestine for 2.5 hours at 4AM with a stranger
Five:
You got so hot, that lying on the parking lot pavement felt lovely and cool
Image:
waystoknowyouarehigh.jpg

Simple urban pleasantries

One:
Slushees in the park
Two:
Sangria on a much loved balcony
Three:
8PM bike ride with your lover
Four:
Unexpected street art
Five:
A smile and hello from a stranger
Image:
mogul.jpg

people we would not want as our boss

One:
Heather Locklear, when she played Amanda in Melrose Place
Two:
Prince Charles
Three:
Mariah Carey
Four:
Gargamel
Five:
Naomi Campbell
Image:
gargamel.jpg

Annoyances of Old City Hall

One:
It’s a Bermuda triangle of communication
Two:
Half the exits don’t open so you wander aimlessly with convicts
Three:
You need this slip of paper and that signature if you want an appeal for that parking ticket you didn’t pay a year ago
Four:
ALL RISE!
Five:
Bonus! Leave and grab a hotdog from one of 72 vendors within 100 feet. Negative – feel sick an hour later
Image:
wiseoldowl.jpg

PRIDE-CESSORIES

One:
Your gorgeous gay boyfriend in sleeveless mesh
Two:
American Apparel Shiny workout shorts
Three:
Sky-high platforms to see over the crowds
Four:
Sunscreen and water! Hot options hydrate.
Five:
Your dancing shoes, your cheering voice, and your PRIDE!
Image:
sparkleshorts.jpg

Favourite bald looks

One:
Bruce Willis
Two:
Mr. T (mostly)
Three:
Sinead O’Connor
Four:
Mr. Clean
Five:
Andre Agassi
Image:
baldlooks.jpg

things that happen at a party with only women

One:
Discoveries: women sleeping with the same man
Two:
Tampon tradesies
Three:
Minor lesbian experimentation
Four:
Breast and hair comparisons
Five:
Wine lips and server size ups
Image:
mussels.jpg

Cool places to host a party in Toronto

One:
Bay St. Hidden Subway
Two:
Pool underneath Club Monaco at Bloor and Avenue
Three:
Ex German Embassy Mansion
Four:
401 Richmond Roof top
Five:
Ball and Punching Sack area at Ontario Place
Image:
placestoparty.jpg

Smelly things found in your home

One:
Freshly bathed dog in heat
Two:
The feet of a man
Three:
Forgotten chunk of blue cheese in back of fridge
Four:
Bedsheets soaked in sweat
Five:
Mystery stain on your favourite shirt
Image:
smellythingsathome.jpg

Sh*t that went down in 1976

One:
Apple Computers Start
Two:
The beginning of Punk
Three:
CN Tower built (do you care?)
Four:
Average bikini costs
Five:
Joy Division forms
Image:
applemacintosh.jpg