The Gay High Holy Holiday

If you're like me, you've spent the last month thinking about Pride and how you can write about it in a pithy yet accessible way for all the lovely ladies out there. But, like any good gay boy right before Pride, rather than making any headway, I've just been yo-yo dieting and getting my body ready for the onslaught of punishment it's about to take. Of course, I'm talking about all the ass sex. Wait, no. I'm talking about drinking a lot. No, I'm talking about the drugs. A-ha! It's actually the trifecta I'm talking about. However, if this Pride is like any of the last number of them, it'll be mostly about column B. The drinking. And none of A. (But a boy can hope, and I've got this great gym body to be seen and abused!). But I digress...

Pride, Pride, Pride. Often talked about... Never duplicated... Pride. To me, it's kind of like Christmas and Halloween. 90% of it is the anticipation. You stress over stupid shit weeks in advance, like where you will go on Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday, only to do the same shit you do every year, and even more than that, every week. It's kind of like how every Christmas I get my dad a tie! Same thing with Halloween. Oh, what will I wear, what will I wear? Fast forward to All Hallows Eve, and there I am, some crappy variation on something I can throw on with readily available things at home (read: Man In Black, Tourist, Tennis Player, S&M Bondage Slave).

But, despite them all being mostly about the anticipation, all three holidays are fucking fabulous. I love getting stuff, whether it be candy, turkey dinners, or a beej in the toilet stall. I'm not going to bother with any sort of 'Guide To Pride' because, let's face it, I get my info from Eye and they do a much more thorough job than eye (I'm here all week, folks, tip your waitress!) do. But let's get excited because... well... top ten list!!!!

10. Semi-naked mens everywhere
9. Celebrate the downfall of Toronto's favourite phallic symbol, the CN Tower: tallest free-standing structure no more, by getting drunk
8. Get to see boobies galore in the Dyke March
7. People are just so darn eager to hose you down (with water you perverts)
6. World class DJs, bands, and, Mel C for those who missed the Spice Girls in Toronto
5. I can finally start letting myself go until next year... I'm getting P'Zones from Pizza Hut on Sunday!
4. Did I mention the dudes?
3. Our parade is consistently mentioned as one of the best in the world. Toronto! Fuck yeah!
2. Beer tents mean you can get drunk at 2 in the afternoon and not be considered an alcoholic
1. I got bitches in the living room, getting it on, and they ain't leavin' till 4 in the mornin! (bars are serving 'till 4 mothafuckas!)

As you're going to hear ad-nauseum... HAPPY PRIDE!