Just another day in the T-dot

Yesterday started off normal, but ended in sheer shish taouk chaos.

Every morning I saunter down to Queen to get a coffee and since I don’t have an office with a water cooler, I say hi to traffic cops, local florists, and the over zealous gay man who works at Starbucks. It’s very a la Sesame Street.

Back at the home office, there are usually 2 or 3 other people around, whether it’s SDTC writers or visiting friends, person dropping off a key, sister or random neighbour. It’s always fun to start the day off with a hypochondriac conversation. How many times have you heard this around your office?

”CoUGjiknVOujtrnoiesp”
“Oh do you have a cough?”
“Yeah. I’ve been taking Neo Citron but Ugfijeajkrogakgmhnjs it’s not getting better.”
“I have a cough too jijqmigovpakjlmfi90avowklgjfiovwma, I think it’s the poor quality air in this building.”
‘"Or maybe it’s all this accounting I’m doing&rdquo"
In unison: "Ha ha ha – ha ha ha!"

Yeah. You know what I’m talking about. So – we launch into a quick conversation on alleged measles outbreak.

”That’s really weird Kim, because just this morning I showed Jay this weird mark on my tummy and said, look at my measle.”

We don’t have measles, or polio – but these conversations always seem to make people feel more human and related to each other.

Following this was a mad rush to a therapist appointment. Feeling slightly overwhelmed as of late, I decided to test out therapy. It was my first meeting and amongst spewing all my concerns in a dizzying way around the room, I was asked to perform a psychological exercise. Let me explain a little – we all have different voices that run through our head – often described as devil and angel. Although I wouldn’t equate my dual forces to that, there are two serious people battling it out in my head; "Jen A", who I like to refer to as ‘Softy’, and "Jen B", who I like to refer to as ‘Crazy’. Recently, they’ve been quarrelling to no end. It’s very chaotic – hence this midday jaunt to the therapist.
So, back to the exercise – I was asked to separate the Jen’s and first sit on the right hand side of the couch and be “Jen A” talking, and then get up and move to the left hand side and be “Jen B.” It was ASTONISHING. “Jen A” broke down, cried and was incredibly emotional. “Jen B” was shallow and neither here nor there.

No I’m not schizophrenic, but WOW can you ever feel a little wonky acting that exercise out.

Next on the agenda was a very important meeting with our high school co-op student regarding her impending PROM. She wrote a piece, which will be posted on site next week, detailing the stresses and unrealistic expectations that surround this poignant mark of adulthood. She is worried about finding a date and there is still much debate and panic over who will be hosting the after party; so I volunteered. Kidding, but how fun would that be to re-live that drama.

In an attempt to calm her nerves I broke the big news that for many Prom is a complete and utter let down. It was sort of like shattering a child’s dreams of Santa Clause.

I started reminiscing back to my shit Prom with jerk face date, sleeping in tents in a field while the sounds of screwing and barfing echoed in the air. I HATED IT.

Anyway, I digress. Back to my afternoon of hard work, stepping in dog pee, filling a giant bucket with water and vinegar to mop up – spilling all over my body, literally smelling like a giant douche bag, sharing carrots with animals, and e-mailing famous female photographers. The day ended quickly and was followed by a mad tear up to Bloor to meet Danish documentary filmmaker, Michael Voer. I chose to meet him at Paupers – as it’s opposite the Bloor theatre, where Michael’s film was screening later that evening.

First mistake was to assume I’d recognize him off a square inch Facebook profile. Second mistake was to meet in possibly the largest pub West of Yonge. I must have asked ten different guys if their name was Michael – some said yes, which then got even more confusing. Others said " could be"; with a smug grin. Ha – very funny. So finally after appearing like the most desperate online blind dater, I finally met up with him.

Somehow within minutes of meeting, conversation turned from, “What made you become a filmmaker?” and “How do you like Toronto” to “Poppers is what people use to relax themselves before anal sex” and “I have the best sex with people who smell like me.”

At this point it was nearly midnight and I was starving, so concluded my evening with a quick run for Shish Taouk and violent cab hailing.

I was maniacally downing my messy shish in the back seat when we pulled up to the house. There was about three minutes of irrational pawing in my purse to come to the realization that I had no cash, even though I could have sworn I had just taken out money from the bank machine. In the dimly lit backseat, I couldn’t see properly so went into the house and did a complete dump of my purse: karaoke promo flyers, lip gloss, lip stick, lip balm, Vaseline, business cards, dirty pennies – NOT A DOLLAR TO BE FOUND. My mild hysteria was interrupted by angry honking. It was my husband locked behind the taxi. Phew – he must have money. Nope. So finally we had to drive around the corner to the 7/11, all the while apologizing profusely to the driver.

Finally home. Purse contents strewn within friends’ hair extensions forgotten from Saturday night and a pile of condoms. Thinking that my husband was just about to role his eyes at my ludicrous behaviour, he admitted to have just been coasting around different theatres in town looking for me as he was locked out.

Shish-Sheesh. Although there are festivals everywhere, concerts, fashion shows and green living exhibitions – sometimes the most interesting days are spent running down your list of errands, hanging in the neighbourhood and simply ‘doing’ the city.

Spring is busy. Have fun.

Jen

SWAN LAKE ON ICE GIVEAWAY

We have two tix for one lucky person to attend SWAN LAKE ON ICE this coming Wednesday, April 30th @ The Sony Centre, ahem ORCHESTRA SEATING!
Swan Lake on Ice is a highly polished performance by the Imperial Ice Stars who boast twenty five World and national championship skaters who between them have won over two hundred medals.

A romantic date, a wonderful gift – a night of beauty, enchantment and grace.
Valued at $80 / ticket.
E-mail contests@shedoesthecity.com , subject line SWAN LAKE. Winner will be notified 9AM on Monday.