June 24, 2008

Dear Diary,

A sexy rocker once said, “It’s better to burn out than fade away”. Well, when it comes to relationships, I tend to take the opposite approach. I have a talent for dragging things out with a guy well beyond our expiration date, grasping at any hope that if we just try a little longer, we can make it work. This is until, of course, it has been dragged through the mud so long that the relationship is left totally lifeless.

This has a good side, and a bad. On the positive, I think this “fading away” is what let me still be friends with all the guys I’ve dated…and there have been a few. Once things eventually end, so far there’s been no going back, meaning that we can become just friends, with no lingering romantic feelings. Perhaps that is the test of true friendship between two people of the opposite sex – wanting to hang out, without wanting to get in their pants.

On the negative side, however, near the end of the romantic relationship, before the new ‘friendly’ one, there are usually hurt feelings and harsh words. But that’s what we do when we’re hurt… we hurt back. It’s a desperate attempt and a last resort that never solves anything. I’ve done it, and I regret it.

I started writing this diary to record all the fun (and not so much fun) from my last year of singledom. I’m now, however, looking for something more, and a diary disclosing all the juicy details of my sex life seems a bit… well, inappropriate, for the life I’m now trying to lead. Don’t get me wrong - the one night stands, getting handcuffed to chairs, falling for a certain someone, and picking up boys in bars has been fun. I just think it’s time this chapter of my diary be locked up and put back under the mattress for a while. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop writing… I just will be writing about new things.

During the time I haven’t had a boyfriend I’ve been leaving myself open to an experience I hadn’t had in quite a while – lots of girlfriends. No, I’m not going to be renaming this Girl Diary. See, I went to an all girls’ school for seven years. Seven. That much time being surrounded by cat fights, P.M.S, and “didn’t she wear that dress to last year’s semi?” left me only really wanting to stay friends with a handful of those girls, and becoming closest to my guy friends. This past year, however, I have been meeting such amazing girls, such amazing women, that I would now rather be working on building relationships with them over trolling for guys. In fact, one of these fantastic ladies, K-Star has just moved away, leaving me as heartbroken as I’d been over Mr. X. (I miss you already lady!!!)

Since I’ll be avoiding boy drama for the next little while, I’m not too sure exactly what I’ll be writing about. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Wish me luck… in life, and of course, love.

xxx Little Miss X-Rated