I once spent Valentine’s watching all the Rocky movies alone and in one sitting. I even cried during part 5 when Rocky becomes slightly brain damaged. As a single woman on Valentine’s, I thought, There’s got to be better things to do in this city. So, I brainstormed and researched, and, thus, came up with a few alternatives. kinky alternatives, at that, for all those kinky single ladies out there, like moi! 

1. “Let’s have ourselves a little look-see, shall we?”

Satisfy your voyeuristic urge at O’Born Contemporary (710 Yonge St.) for their 5th exhibition of Peepshow. Check out some mid-century vernacular nude photographs, autoportraits that will delight and intrigue you, and a dollhouse made for adult pleasures.  1pm – 4pm. 

2. “It’s all fun and games until somebody gets bumped.”

Get your single girlfriends together and spend the evening watching Burlesque.

a) Decade Burlesque: The Scandelles Burlesque troupe perform a Valentine’s Cabaret at Lee’s Palace (529 Bloor W.). Doors 9pm. $12 – $15 www.thescandelles.com

b) Voluptuous Panic! Bump N Grind Valentine: The Skin Tight Outta Sight Rebel Burlesque perform at Gladstone Hotel (1214 Queen W.) Doors 9pm. $25 www.skintightouttasight.com 

3. “I can make my penis, and eat it too.”

If you’re not in the mood for a night on the town, but still want to get together with your girlfriends, how about throwing your very own Penis Bake Off. In other words, bake cookies and cakes in the shape of penises. You can purchase penis-shaped baking aides at The Stag Shop (239 Yonge St.) or order online at www.stagshop.com. Look for: Penis Baking Mold or The Peter Party Cake Pan. You can even get Uncle Willy’s Cookie and Gelatin Cookie Cutter. So, while you’re making your delicious penis-shaped cakes and cookies (may I suggest creme filled), you can make even more delicious penis-shaped Jello shooters. And if you and your girls end up drunk enough at the end of the night, hell, why not have yourselves a pillow fight? Lingerie optional.  

4. “Orgasm for one, please.”

If you are able to get this product on time and you are willing spend a pretty penny, how about spending your day and/or evening giving yourself the most intense orgasm ever (or so they say). Introducing the Durex Play O orgasmic gel for women. A sexblogger from the UK boosts that just by applying it between her legs, it gave her a longer, more intense orgasm. She stated it made her whole area “thrum like a fucking motor.” Without even touching herself! Others have attested that it quardrupled their orgasms from 28 seconds to 107. It is currently only available in France and UK, but you can order it online and have it air-mailed for an additional fee ( http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14886) Mine’s on its way. Think I know what I’ll be doing.   UPDATE: Durex Utopia Gel available in Canada is the same product as the UK Play O!

Happy Kinky Valentine’s, ladies!