SDTC Finishing School

by Karen Cleveland

If the golden rule of gratuity is 15-20 per cent, what’s a self-respecting woman to do in the case of a free service? There are countless free services that I believe warrant a token of appreciation: Several stylists do fringe trims au gratis, bell boys schlep your bags, shuttle services that get you from A to B on time, concierge folks, street entertainers [it goes on and on …. feel free to add to this list via Comments].

Since the calculation-by-per cent method doesn’t apply, do a gut check to determine a fitting amount. What would the service typically charge? What do you value it at? How long was the interaction (in other words, how much time was invested in you)?

Keep a few loonies, toonies and fives in a separate place in your wallet or purse for such requirements. Or, if you’re swinging by, plan to drop in with a latte or gift card to show your appreciation. You will most definitely make someone’s day.

by Karen Cleveland
Seven flights in 12 days…..I feel like a gypsy living out of a suitcase and eating out of takeout containers. Although I love travelling, for me the confines of airports and planes put a magnifying glass on how people treat others.

Take, for instance, the gentleman that sat in front of me on flight #3. Once he finished inhaling his tin-topped dinner, he wanted to settle in for a nap. So, he clicked the button on the armrest to go into full recline mode and promptly send my tray (attached to the back of his seat) straight into my chest. Snaps to the flight attendant for tersely addressing that. I ate the rest of my chicken devan and mashed potatoes in perfect peace after she laced him out.

I also get my knickers in a knot when people treat the plane like it’s a lounge – you know that kind. They perch in the aisle as soon as that little seatbelt light goes out, they walk around to chit chat and look irritated when the flight crew is trying to manoeuvre the massive drink cart around them.

My biggest vent is also one that I’m a bit sheepish to admit. I’m not the most confident flyer (a bit of an understatement). So that last thing I want to hear is how freaked out other people are. Man up and keep it to yourself. Chicken flyers feed off the anxiety of other chicken flyers so by sharing your own fears, it throws gas on the proverbial fire of nerves.

When flying from Toronto to Cozumel (flight #1), the row behind me was a group of friends, likely in their early 40’s. They had a lively banter all through take off and ascent on how shaky the plane felt and “is this thing going to make it up”. I completely lost it and started quietly sobbing in my seat whilst cutting the circulation from my husband’s arm (seriously, I was one step from sucking my thumb in an effort to self soothe). An innocent girl a few seats over from me also caught the dialogue and I watched her eyes go wide with terror. I felt bad for her, but was too absorbed in my own panic to give her a reassuring glance.

Speaking of innocent children, on flight #3, I was sandwiched between my husband and a boy about ten years old. It was a late flight and most people dozed off, myself and said boy included. When I woke up, he had some how sandwiched himself through the armrest and was half sleeping on me. He also managed to snag a piece of the blanket I had over me. I wasn’t annoyed though. He was super cute. He even offered me some of his Pizza Pringles once we landed. Now that’s a gentleman in the making.

by A Jennifer
Let’s be honest, many of us meet our significant others while trashed in a bar. These meet ups are often presumed as one night stands but then four years later, we are married to that drunk guy that stole our heart while intoxicated and squished in the dark.

However, for every McDreamy that may sweep us off our feet while downing shot #3, there are ten that make us want to gag, runaway and wash our hands.

For the men on the site, take note. For the ladies on the site, don’t settle.

The Rules of Engagement:

1. Talk before you touch. Although there is a small percentage of the population that wouldn’t mind a frank spank on the bum from stranger, this is certainly not across the board and will not stand the test of time

2. Why must you stand so close? I don’t need to smell the garlic sausage you just had for dinner, never mind examine your nose hairs. Step back a bit – and let me look at you.

3. “Wow, you have nice legs” or “You have a gorgeous smile” – perhaps cliché, but always make someone feel good.

4. If you are going to go ahead and buy me a drink, ask first what I like. Not everyone is comfortable receiving gifts from strangers.

5. Reel me in with your top notch wit – and I will reciprocate.

6. If you take my number call me – within three days, I don’t want to be back burner Betty.

Submitted by Karen Cleveland

My friend Gavin is a rock star bartender. He has won all sorts of international accolades, has served up drinks all across Toronto and trains aspiring bartenders on how to master his mad skills. To put it short: he’s served a lot of drinks, to a lot of people.

When you’re out, do you typically have to wait a painful long time for a drink? Maybe it’s your approach. Here are some universal tips to land the best service, from folks like him, wherever you go.

§ Have all orders handy. No add on’s and please, no last minute changes.
§ Have your cash at the ready. The more pleasant, courteous and prompt the transaction, the better.
§ Please never yell, holler, or snap your fingers to get a bartender’s attention (or anyone’s, for that manner, it’s awfully rude). If you’re at the bar, you’ll get served.
§ Don’t question the amount of alcohol in your drink. Bartenders are instructed to make every drink on the bar counter in front of the patron so that they can see exactly what goes into it. So pay attention.
§ Tip well and smile.
§ Say please and thank you.
§ Know your limits. If you’ve had too much to drink, know when to call it a night. Bartenders don’t like to cut people off, but they absolutely will if safety is a concern.
§ Know when last call is. And know that, umm well, it’s really last call.

Like any service-based industry, be kind and show some love when you get good service. You might just get an extra cherry in your drink.

by Karen Cleveland
I adore animals. And while my grouchy cat isn’t the friendliest kitty, I’m smitten with him and generally most four-legged friends I meet.

I do, however, respect that not everyone shares my affinity for pets and so I’m careful to quarantine him when need be. It means putting my company’s comfort before his, which as a cat he hates, but I think its important to make people feel welcome (and safe from a sneak attack, sad to say).

I wish that more folks shared my sentiment.

Properly training pets is key, as is recognizing that different people respond to animals in very different ways. Your dog’s quirky habits that you relish might not be so cute to someone else. Jumping up, nipping (at skin or clothing), sharing a seat (or becoming a seat, in some cases) are not great pet-iquette. In fact, these behaviours might be downright terrifying to someone.

More than anything, I cannot stand a fabulous meal being ruined by a whining animal begging for food. It’s not cute. And not surprisingly, feeding it to quiet it down simply reinforces this behaviour. If your dog or cat thinks he or she belongs at the dinner table, it’s up to you to tell them that they don’t. Because, well, they don’t.

by Karen Cleveland

First off – I have a confession. I’m a closet romantic. There.
When I’m strolling my hood with my husband, I like to hold hands or tuck under his arm. A quick kiss ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ are part of our daily routine, whether we’re in the car or on the street. And I love this.

But, I’m also acutely aware of whether our actions might make others feel uncomfortable, so I’m conscious to keep things strictly polite. There is indeed a fine line between civilized affections and knock-down-yuck-fests and we’re most definitely on the right side of the fence.

PDA’s send a staunch message that you’re so into the person you’re with, you don’t care who knows it; a notion which is fine (almost endearing) when you’re 16. Any older and it’s a surefire way to make your friends or complete strangers feel uncomfortable (or even worst, make a creep feel a little too comfortable) and lose your hard-earned credibility.
I’m all for
- Holding hands
- Sneaking in a quick kiss (any longer than a few seconds and it’s weird for everyone)
- Fast hugs or embraces (like a shoulder squeeze)

What I’m not for
- Whispering sweet nothings
- Long kisses or embraces
- Any unmentionable acts that go beyond the above: you know exactly what they are you saucy devil – I’m too polite to name them

Sometimes a kiss is not just a kiss – it’s a statement of your decorum.

by Karen Cleveland
Email is great but there is indeed a time and a place for a fantastic and crisp note card.

I find that cards and stationary are typically relegated to formal communications, birthdays, major holidays and showers. And that saddens me. Toronto is home to some stunning stationary stores that carry a diverse selection of designs, or can create customized stationary (which is fabulous and posh, isn't it?). It's also incredibly convenient: if you have a supply of cards and envelopes that you adore, you'll never be in a last minute pinch when the card stores have closed (and be stuck perusing the dollar store – yikes!)

Did a friend treat you to lunch? Have you lost touch with an old chum? Did a colleague go above and beyond to bestow some helpful wisdom? Send them a proper card with a few handwritten lines.

There's something lovely and evocative about opening an envelope to find a beautiful card inside - a feeling that opening an inbox or e-card can't deliver.

These are my favourite stationary suppliers – additions most welcome.
The Papery, 124 Cumberland St, 416-962-3916
Paper Things, 99 Yorkville Ave, www.paperthings.ca
The Paper Place, 887 Queen St. W, www.thepaperplace.ca
Indigo, www.chapters.indigo.ca

The office kitchen is a loaded topic. It is laden with issues, fraught with territorial claims and nothing makes the emails fly like a mess in a communal microwave that’s left untended.

If you partake in the pleasures of your office kitchen (the fridge, coffee maker, garbage facilities, sink, microwave, etc.), here are some ground rules.

If you suspect your office kitchen is particularly in need of an etiquette assessment, post this and see if conditions improve. If not, I can make a cameo in person, if promised a latte.

• If you leave evidence of your presence, clean it up. Simple as that. No one should know where you buttered your toast, spilled your coffee or overheated your soup until it exploded.

• Use the microwave with diplomacy. Please, if you bring fish to work, it should be in a chilled form (sandwich, wrap or sushi).

• Keep track of your fridge contents and throw things out religiously. Really, if that leftover pizza didn’t look good two days ago, are you really going to eat it tomorrow?

• If you use the last of something, get more. If you take the last cup of coffee, make another pot. If you pour the last drop of milk into your tea, go pick up a pint on your lunch. Common courtesy and tact that will hopefully be adopted by everyone, so you’re never stuck without milk.

• Never ever help yourself to something without knowing if it is indeed for sharing. A man in my office with a fabulous sense of humour (and a taste for reprisal) sent out this company email* when he was scorned:

To whoever ate the pineapple in the tupperware container in the fridge, I brought that in from home. 

I’m happy to share with you.  Did you like it?

*disclaimer: my corporate culture is completely conducive to such casual email banter. Send such emails at your own discretion and good conscience.

Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie’s shoes get mixed up at a party, and her married mommy friend that hosted doesn’t feel it’s her responsibility to replace them?

What if you host a get-together and an item goes missing? Manolos or not, I think hosts carry a certain level of accountability to their guests. Whether its a baby barfing on a cashmere sweater that needs to go to the cleaner or a well-meaning puppy making a chew-toy out of a stiletto, a host is liable (literally and figuratively) for her guests well-being – and her stuff.

The key here is avoidance.

Have a safe place to store coats and shoes when guests come around. If you have a curious pet, keep it away from anything they might be apt to explore. And if your cat hairballs (is that a verb?) on a purse, or a friend snags a delicate garment on your stairwell, offer to clean, mend or replace it - at her convenience, and her choice of where and how.

If cost is a consideration, heaven forbid we are indeed talking Manolos here, this is not the time to try and talk her down to less expensive alternative.

Enjoy the top-notch retail experience and put your friendship before your wallet.
I know. Love hurts.

I love dining out. I don’t love those odd times when the bill arrives and the mood turns from celebratory to anxious.

The most often accepted rule is an equal split of the total (including gratuity) between the group. If it’s a matter of a few glasses of wine, or which appetizer was a few dollars more, it’s simply not worth the quibble. It’s tacky. And if you dine out with that same group often or occasionally, it will all come out in the wash anyways.

If you’re in a situation where you purposefully ordered very lightly and you suspect your total is considerably less than the shared amount, chime in with a solution (“I ordered lightly tonight so here is $20 for the salad and tea, and $5 towards the tip – is this ok?”).

Likewise if you indulged in a meal that was considerably more expensive than everyone else’s, kick in more and remember to adjust your tip contribution as well.

If you find yourself in this uncomfortable position often, take a look at your dining options. Perhaps your tastes run a bit richer than your friends’ and they feel a bit pinched. Try a more affordable dinner out and see if the same situation presents.

In any case, here are some good-to-knows for when the cheque hits the table:

 *   Swing by the bank machine and break up large bills before meeting up so you have enough cash to cover your meal and gratuity
 *   As soon as menus hit the table, establish how the bill is to be divided so there is no confusion or surprises when the cheque arrives
 *   Even if you didn’t order that cheesy appetizer or creamy dessert, if you partook in its deliciousness, you should help pay for it
 *   If you are putting cash down on the table for your portion, always over estimate rather than put down ‘just enough’ -- and always add gratuity
 *   If you can't afford the circuit of high-end restaurants that your friends are choosing, suggest going somewhere better suited to your budget (or offer to host chez you)
 *   If it’s a special occasion, its kind and thoughtful for the rest to group to contribute more so the special person’s meal (or most of it) is looked after
 *   Never ever make a fuss over a few dollars. Save it for when there's a big discrepancy**

 ** a big discrepancy is not $10-15. It’s on the $30-50 scale.