Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend

Timeline of last Friday night:

5:00 Meet friends for drinks at pretentious financial district after work bar. Wearing Air Force Ones and jeans because I thought I'd have a casual Friday.
6:30 It's fucking freezing out. This patio gets no sun. Let's go somewhere else!
7:00 This patio is not much better, but I sure do love smoking. Pace yourself my boy, you want to go home first and have a nice little snooze before hitting the town. Maybe eat those delicious chicken fingers and fries you have waiting for you at home...
9:00 Just one more Mojito
9:30 Let's get a bottle Prosecco! I'm buying! No, seriously, I want to! Really! Waitress, here's my credit card. Don't let them pay one penny.
10:30 OK, for serious, we have to go now. Let's go to a gay bar. I think they've got some sort of retro music evening on... Well, we should probably take advantage of that! It's so rare in the gay community to be able to hear some classic Madonna or Tiffany out at the bar. How refreshing.
10:35 Do you want some weed for after? That's probably a good idea.
10:59 Spend an hour getting called the wrong name by my drug dealer and his weird friends but not really caring because he has the best gift of all: mind altering substances.
12:00 Get to the bar. Cover is $10. It's OK, it's worth it. Remember the music?
12:00:05 Beer me!
12:00:10 Barkeep, Barkeep! I will only drink the finest of lagers in this establishment. Do you by any chance sell Labbatt Ice? Splendid!
12:20 This sucks. No cute guys. I think I'll be well behaved and go home early tonight.
12:20 - 1:15 Five more Labbatt Ice.
1:15 This is the best night ever! I love you guys! You're the best friends in the world...
1:18 Oooooh, girl, look at him! He is the cutest brother in here. I should probably go talk to him.
1:20 Whatever, he was a total butterface anyway.
1:25 Cigarette break!
1:30 Oh my God you guys, I looooove this song! Let's go dance!
1:31 Sing loudly. Grind friends. Let friends grind you.
1:40 Oh shit, I think that guy's checking me out! He's totally hot. He just looked over again. That's it, he is definitely checking me out. I'm going to go talk to him.
1:41 Whatever, he was fat and balding.
2:00 Really? You won't even give me one last beer? My watch says 1:59!!!! Fine, whatever, I don't need booze to have fun.
2:05 Get jacket, have cigarette with last remaining friend who hasn't hooked up, get in cab.
2:20 Get home. Eat the entire plate of chicken fingers and fries with gravy cold.
2:25 Cry, masturbate.
2:27 Sleep.

Repeat next Friday.