SPENCER PRATT IS EVIL

AND BRITNEY IS A WHORE FROM CANADA .

In high school I had posters of Luke Perry and Jason Priestly on my bedroom wall because I was a mega fan of Beverly Hills 90210 – however there is a difference between a popular television series and a cultural phenomenon. THE HILLS is not just a show that we are addicted to – it is a media revolutionary force that is fully integrated into our conversations, dreams and thought processes and here’s my proof:

Last night on THE HILLS, while on a casual dinner date main character Lauren Conrad flirtatiously scrolls through Hollywood sought after bachelor Brody Jenner’s I-phone affirming that he’s a ladies man. As she goes down the list her eyes pop when she comes to address saved as “BRITNEY – CANADA WHORE”.  Of course this clip is hot material for the After Show, a 30 minute talk show on MTV Canada devoted to reviewing play by play’s and body language intricacies of the show just watched. During last nights THE HILLS AFTER SHOW, the hosts make a plea for this random ‘Canada Whore’ to call in.

It is not shocking that she does, as it would only make sense that she’s watching, because EVERYONE is watching. Following the on air AFTER SHOW, my friends and I have an AFTER AFTER SHOW in the living room discussing what was discussed on the AFTER SHOW and re-evaluating the episode that had just been evaluated. Talk about overkill.

This scrutiny and obsession with a television series that is essentially about drinking lattes, eating sushi, flipping hair and rolling eyes at bad boyfriends is CRAZY…no really…it’s FUCKING INSANE. It is fitting that there is a scriptwriter strike right now – and they should be panicked considering that one of the highest rated television shows contains the dullest and most repetitive dialogue to ever hit the screen.

Surprisingly, I’ve only recently become a HILLS junkie. I say junkie because I will go to bed at night whispering “do you mind if I watch the Hills?”, and then stay up for 2 hours squinting at my lap top watching back to back episodes from season one and two.

Yes we are all obsessed with voyeurism, and this troop of sun kissed beauties is easy to look at – but what I want to know is when did boring individuals become so interesting? How many times can we watch Spencer be a complete prick and still be interested? How many times can Lauren roll her eyes and we still watch? Why is steaming clothing in a Teen Vogue closet so incredibly appealing and really..how long are we going to wait for Audrina Partridge to utter a full sentence?

I only wish that I was still in Communication Studies so that I could participate in a heated lecture about this pop culture sensation. I’m quite sure someone would start yelling, someone crying and a few walk outs would occur based on pure frustration. One professor would debate that it’s extremely important for us to study, while the other would boil over with anger at the state of entertainment in this day and age.  

Ryerson, UofT, YORK???  I’m looking at you to arrange a serious After Show with a panel of heavy hitter pop culture theorists like Neil Postman, Noam Chomsky, our beloved George Stroumboulopoulos,  Jessica Simpson’s Dad and of course our fave MTV Canada hosts, Jessi and Dan.

Anyhow, concerned that my life was as vacuous and self centred as this click of dreamy chicks, I began to log conversations I had this past week, to check and make sure they weren’t all like this:

“Yeah…you know what I mean? Like, I just want him to want me. You know? OMG – no – I know, you know? YAY – let’s have fun tonight – PARTY!!”

Thankfully, I quickly realized that my vocabulary and interests haven’t been affected just yet, but I actually see it happening.

Here’s how conversations have moved for me and my friends in the past week:

1. ROM BOMB… the rise and fall of the AIDS pandemic, our fear of terrorism, whether we like the Michel Chin Crystal and what in god’s name are they teaching at OCAD?

2. RIM JOBS… the sexual dynamic of couples, personal hygiene, the likes and dislikes before one orgasms – and then this will fall into something completely odd like apple picking in Sweden

3. THE LEGENDARY HORSESHOE TAVERN… 60 years of rock in Toronto , the time I sliced my legs up at a show, remember when, remember when, The Rolling Stones, Paper Bag Records…

4. FEMINISIM & POST FEMINISM… what’s the difference and how does the new generation of young adult women fit in

5. HEALTH AND VEGETABLES… and why it’s seems so difficult to eat healthy, when it really shouldn’t be.

6. JEWISH TRADITIONS… family, friends, celebration, love…Hanukkah dinners and relationships with grandmothers

7. ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY CARS… The dreaded DVP, Zip car, license suspensions, RIDE program

8. THE PHENOMENA OF BRATZ – the dolls… what are kids playing with today? Barbie’s weren’t nearly as bitchy. What ever happened to Simon who drew chalk drawings?

9. DOG TRAINING ISSUES… why do I have no strength to properly handle a 10 lb dog, what on earth will happen if I have children?

10. SNOW SHOVELLING ETIQUETTE… neighbourhood assholes, overqualified cab drivers, Homer Simpson and the rise of cocaine use in Toronto .

…so where are all of these conversations on THE HILLS? Do they not happen? Or do the producers ensure that only three themes are discussed until we are both completely involved and unanimously repulsed –

Has Paris Hilton single handedly created a world where money, being thin, stupid and completely insular is what we strive to be? Or was it 9/11 that was too overwhelming to understand – so we all gave up and became latte sipping numbskulls? I get the escape aspect, but why do I want to escape to the world of the most boring and insular people around? Do we aspire for our lives to be like them, is that why we care so much? What’s going to happen to the tweens being raised on this?

Am I overanalyzing things or is this something that validates concern. It’s driving me insane, please help. Send me your thoughts on “WHY ARE WE SO ADDICTED TO THIS SHOW?” – I’m very curious.

OMG I HEART YOU!
Jen

Didn’t get your fix? Watch last night’s episode of THE HILLS on www.mtv.ca

NEW ADDITION TO SITE!!

I’m very happy to introduce our new SEXCETERA section on site, first three bangin’ features include:

Love, Sex and Scandal – a sassy Q&A for all your bedroom and beyond questions, problems and fantasies!

Lez is More: The Trivial Life of the Modern Day Lesbian

Homo Arigato…Mr. Roboto – The Gay Boy’s scene in Toronto for the hip and horny

…and this is just the beginning of this sexy new section

FUCK YEAH!

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