1. Body Blitz Spa Date
$100 Waters for two plus $410 Body Bake and Beyond for two, 471 Adelaide St W
The perfect place for Oprah and her bff Gayle to come up north and go all-out pampering themselves, at this amazing female-only urban spa in downtown Toronto. Full body mud treatments for both plus a day at the waters circuit, and a chance to mingle with their bodyguards and assistants.  

2. Singing Lessons in Chicago  
$90 per 1 hour lesson.
Insider tip: Oprah can’t sing. Watch her and Gayle try “No When To Hold ‘Em” as they drive to Yosemite National Park on a recent camping episode and you will see what I mean.

3. False Eyelashes
$30
Another valuable tip from the inside: Oprah has very short eyelashes, and she wears gigantic falsies every day. 

4. Obama Dildo 
Only $34.95!  
If Oprah had a dildo, I feel like it would have something to do with the first black President of the United States of America. 

5. Jackson 5 Memorabilia 
$10-200.
Maybe you would get a scream out of her if you gave her one of these! 

6. Dog Butt Floss
 $15.00 
I’m sure she would get a kick out of pulling her floss each morning and night out of a plastic dog’s behind. 

7. An Academy Award 
$500, not technically for sale
Oprah was nominated for an Oscar in 1985 for her role as Sofia in The Colour Purple but she didn’t win. This is to show her she’ll always be gold to me! 

8. World’s Most Expensive Bong 
2500 British Pounds
Yo Oprah, let’s chill. 

Stocking made by Becca Lemire