Riding on the subway, dread head douche bag caught my eye. Smirking I thought ‘wow, do I ever hate white guys with ratty dreads.’ So disgusting, what’s stuck in his hair? Chewing gum? A dead bird? Lost Q-tip? Gross. Then my eyes gazed over to porcupine head and I thought ‘Yeah…why do guys gel their hair so excessively that it could draw blood with the slightest touch?’

Normally, AXE ads are aimed at men and promise flocks of models swooning at their side, uncontrollably drawn to their magnificent scent. But I think these ads are directed at us realizing that men need help. Do they want us to go buy the stuff and secretly place it in the bathroom? Hmm.

It seemed serendipitous that the very next day I received a knock at the door and a man handed me a bucket full of AXE goods. Being a girl who likes to smell like strawberries and vanilla over spicy soccer man, I tossed it on the shelf and forgot about it.

A few days later , while sipping my coffee and fiddling on Facebook, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to have sex as the bathroom door swung open and my man exited wet and wearing just a towel.

“WHAT IS THAT FANTASTIC SMELL??”

He handed me the bottle. Looks like he had found my AXE supply and had doused himself in revitalizing AXE PHOENIX shower gel.

I said, “THAT SMELLS FUCKING TERRIFIC!” I was thinking…’you are a Phoenix and I want to do you gladiator styles’.

I could have nuzzled in his armpit all day.

So now when people are coming over, I tell him to go have a shower and leave the door open. I never bought into that ad campaign, but suddenly I’ve become that somewhat pathetic AXE girl and realize that if all guys showered in this, then there would be an animalistic outbreak of hormones on the subway.

I’m not paid to endorse products… wish I was… but am telling you – out of the need to share this secret – if you get him wearing AXE in his hair and lathering in it – you will be pleasantly surprised.

It’s a similar phenomenon to Kibbles and Bits. If he’s washing with this stuff, then you will come running and pounce like a hungry kitten. Rarrrrrr!