Ask a Life Coach

Big Mouth, Big Trouble

Submitted by haley on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 10:59.

Dear Jennifer,
I have a big mouth. Sometimes I say things without thinking about the consequences of my words. They just come out of my mouth.
Sometimes my words hurt people even though I didn't mean to. I speak the truth, but people don't seem to be able to handle it. I think I might lack tact. It's just hard to know when to say something and when not to say it.
Because of this, people don't seem to trust me at work. They seem to be scared of what I will say, do, or if I will keep their secrets or not. Last time a co-worker left in my department, I was the last one to know and it really hurt me. She told my supervisor I was a sweet girl and all, but didn't want to tell me. I learned it from someone else.
I tried thinking before speaking, but I just don't know what is right to say and what isn't.
Should I just shut up and have boring conversations just to avoid hurting anyone else?
-Big Mouth Girl

Dear Big Mouth Girl,

First off, congrats on the awareness... you are aware of something that is going on. Once we are aware, we are able to take the next step. We can’t heal parts of ourselves until we can see them clearly. I am hearing a few different things here: 1) Developing tact 2) When to Speak Truth 3) What to Say or Not To say.

Here are some ways that will help you develop your communication style in a way that feels right to you.

Step back and take a breath before you speak. Ask yourself if what you are going to say is helpful or harmful and whether or not you are speaking your truth. Becoming conscious of our words and how they leave us and others feeling is a very important part of the process. Sometimes things come out of our mouths so automatically that we don’t even realize what we are saying. Begin to observe yourself and the way you communicate. Notice how you feel after different interactions and things you say. Once you are aware of how these behaviours leave you feeling and you are more conscious of the words you are speaking, you can consciously choose another way or say what you want to say in a way that will leave you feeling more empowered and confident. Our communication style is ever evolving and growing and we often learn by trial and error.

Secondly, begin to notice what your intention is for what you are saying. Is this Big Mouth Stuff about gossiping or is it about being direct and honest and speaking your truth? If it is about gossiping, now that you are aware of it, you are able to choose a different behaviour. I used to gossip a lot, it filled my need for connecting with people - it gave me instant gratification. Then I would go home and beat myself up about it because it didn’t feel good and certainly wasn’t in alignment with my integrity. Once I stopped beating myself up and recognized the behaviour, how it made me feel and what need I was meeting by doing it, I began to change it slowly and found other ways of connecting with people and meeting my needs.

There is no right or wrong way to say something. The consequences help us determine what feels right to us. The best way to know is to ask yourself if you are speaking your truth. I remember a teacher said to me once, you can’t attach yourself to how people are going to react - that is their business and no matter how hard you try and word something in the “perfect” way people are still going to take it the way they will because of their own life experience and how they interpret and give meaning to things. If what you are saying is your truth and coming from your heart you can never go wrong.

One last thing ... The Big Mouth part of you is one of your gifts. Likely you are direct, honest and to the point which can be extremely refreshing in this day and age where many of us are taught to sugar coat our words. However, there does need to be a balance. Don’t make this part of you wrong. Look at its gifts and begin by learning to harness it’s power. It appears to be acting out - what attention is this Big Mouth part of you seeking? Connect with it and ask it and begin togive it this attention it needs in a healthy way.

Thanks for your honesty and for speaking from you heart in this letter.

Sending you lots of love,
Jenn

Too Much of a Good Thing

Submitted by haley on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 09:59.

Dear Jenn,

I've recently gotten myself wrapped up in a fantastic relationship with a fantastic guy. He's everything I could ever want, except he wants to hang out all the time. Even when I just want to hang out with my friends, he always tags along. I love having him around, but I feel like my relationship with my friends is growing distant. He doesn't have many friends in the city and I don't know how to let him know that I need a break, without making it sound like a "break." And how do I get my friends back?
Thanks so much!
-Dazed and Confused

The beginnings of relationships can be super exciting and many of us initially immerse ourselves in them and then bang ... the brake goes on, reality sets in and our needs need to be re-evaluated. What you are experiencing is normal. It sounds like you need a bit of a boundary adjustment.

First off, it’s time to define a new normal and set some boundaries with him. How much time do you want to spend with him? How much is too much? How much time do you need with your friends? How much time do you need doing “you” things and having “you” time? Get clear on what your needs are and how much time is too much. You may have to adjust this a few times until you find what feels right for both of you.

Be honest and communicate with him. Tell him how you are feeling and what you need for this relationship to work. You want to continue with him and in order for it to work for you, you need some more space and you need time to spend with your friends sans him. If you continue to bring him out with your friends, he won’t have the motivation to meet new ones and you will just feel more and more resentful.

We teach people how to treat us. It is so important to communicate because he might not know what you need and it is impossible for him to meet your needs if he doesn’t know what they are. Speaking our truth and expressing our needs can feel scary or uncomfortable because we do not know how the other person will react and it sounds like you don’t want to lose him, however, it is imperative to communicate if you want the relationship to work. Honesty and speaking from your heart is the best policy.

Where your friends are concerned, be honest and tell them how you are feeling and how you have realized that you want to spend more time with them without your guy. You might even want to tell them how much they mean to you and how you value their friendship.

It’s great that you are noticing how you are feeling so that you can make some adjustments. The more you take care of yourself and allow for your needs to be met, the more you will be able to be there for him, your friends and yourself and in turn, the time you do spend with him, your friends and on your own will feel much better for all concerned.

Thirty, Single and Unsatisfied

Submitted by taylor on Mon, 01/18/2010 - 17:19.

Dear Jenn,

-Out Of Sorts

Dear Out of Sorts,

The first thing I want you to do is put your hand over your heart and take 3 slow deep breaths.

BREATHE....... BREATHE........ BREATHE.

Before you can think clearly or listen to your heart, you must allow yourself to center and be grounded in your body.

Thank you for sharing yourself in this letter as I am sure that it speaks to many others out there! Feeling stuck, desperate and frustrated are normal feelings and we all experience them. It is what we do with them and how we learn from them that matters!

OK - so you’ve just turned 30 and it seems you are about to embark on a new transition, a new chapter in your life. A time when we begin to let go of the old, in order for the new to come in. This is a time to re-evaluate what is important to you and what is not and to re-direct your attention where you want it to be. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I too have times of similar feelings, wondering what the hell am I doing, where is my life going, feeling stuck and confused. What I have learned is that these times are excellent opportunities for us to take a step back, give ourselves some love, re-evaluate our lives, give ourselves some love, connect with what is important to us, give ourselves some love and then begin to take steps toward an inspiring future and of course give ourselves some more love.

Although, beating ourselves up and worrying about the future is a learned and automatic response that we may feel is helpful, it is actually is what keeps us stuck. These feelings are not comfortable and most of us try and push them away because we aren’t taught the benefit of feeling our uncomfortable feelings. However, if you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and move through the feelings without pushing them away, I can assure you from my own experience that these feelings bear a beautiful gift.

Here’s what I suggest:

Allow yourself to experience what you are feeling, acknowledge what is coming up for you and express the feelings as you have done so by writing to me. Perhaps, do some journaling around this, listening to music, go for a walk in nature and allow yourself to feel and express the feelings in a healthy way. Once the feelings and thoughts have been expressed, you are able to reframe and look at the situation through a new, more centered set of eyes.

Now let’s work with your thoughts. I hear that you are frustrated and you don’t want to go on like this, however, making yourself wrong and beating yourself up is not going to help you. Begin by looking at the good in your life right now. You may feel some resistance to this idea, allow yourself to feel the resistance, acknowledge it and breathe and move through it. Then ask yourself, what is the gift of being single and 30? What does it allow you to do? What is right about your job? What do you like about it? How can you bring more fun and joy to it? When we look for what is wrong in our lives and beat the crap out of ourselves, we perpetuate pain and misery and it makes it very difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. When we look for what is right and how we can add more joy to it, our mood lifts immediately and we open ourselves to new opportunities.

Re-read what you have written and then notice how these thoughts make you feel. Are there any better feeling thoughts you can choose to think? For example, I just turned 30 and I'm noticing that it might be a good time to re-evaluate where I am at. Some of the things I have been doing, aren’t working for me anymore and I'd like to try some new ways of being. I am not sure how to attract a relationship but I am willing to learn and take steps to create one. I am beginning to see that being in a relationship is really important to me so I am starting to take steps in that direction. Notice how a shift in our thoughts and the way we look at things can make us feel better and more at ease almost instantly.

Now comes the fun part... envisioning your ideal life!

What type of work do you feel passionate about? What brings you the most joy? What does your day look like? What are your daily tasks? What is one step you can take towards bringing more satisfaction to your work? This could be as simple as changing your attitude toward your current position, smiling at your desk, sending a resume, taking a special interest course, spending a few minutes fantasizing about your dream job. When you change your focus, opportunities you never knew existed will start to arise.

OK - now the boyfriend situation. Begin by feeling yourself in a relationship. What type of guy are you with? What qualities does he have? How does he make you feel? How does it feel to be around him? What does your ideal life look like together? What does it feel like to be in this ideal relationship? What thoughts, behaviours would you need to give up in order to attract your ideal partner? What is one action you can take this week that will bring you towards attracting a relationship? It doesn’t have to be a huge action, you could write about your ideal partner, stick an affirmation on your mirror (I am attracting my ideal partner), you could make a vision board of your ideal match, you could join an internet dating site, take up a new hobby, tell someone that you are looking for a serious relationship, etc. Take a small action that will steer you in the direction toward meeting your partner.

Then let’s look at your lifestyle. What would you like to be doing on weekends? Who would you like to be spending your time with? How would you like to feel? What is one action you can take in regards to your social circles that will move you towards what you desire for a social life?

And most importantly give yourself some LOVE, have some patience! Take care of you. Do something that fulfills your soul. Treat yourself to something wonderful!

-Jenn

The Vision 2010 - A New Years Ritual: Part 2 of 2

Submitted by taylor on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 11:44.

After completing the exercises from New Years Ritual Part 1 of 2, I realized how important it is to take inventory and review the year past. When we see the present clearly, let go of what no longer serves us, take with us what does, acknowledge and assimilate our learning, we have more room within ourselves to manifest that which we truly desire.

And now I give you Part 2.

What you will need:

-2-3 magazines

-a quiet space

-scissors

-glue

-an 8x10 piece of paper or bristol board to glue your pics and words on

-a journal or some paper to write on

-a pen or pencil

First, give yourself the space and time to do this in the most sacred way, where you will be quiet enough to hear your most inner desires. You might want to light a candle, play some soft music or burn some incense. Set up your space in a way that feels nurturing and good to you.

Step 1:

Begin to imagine it is Dec 30, 2010 and you have had the most extraordinary year of your life. What did the year look like, how did you feel, what did you do, what didn’t you do? Allow yourself to open up, to dream and to hear your spirit. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Give yourself at least 5 minutes to envision and then take out your paper or your journal and begin writing what this most extraordinary year looked like and how you were able to obtain it. Write down all the insights you gained, all the milestones you achieved, all the feelings you felt. As you are writing be sure to write as if all this has already happened and keep your words in the past tense. Do not use “I hope”, “I intend” or “I will”.

Step 2:

Using your magazines, cut out:

1) Words that will reflect your most extraordinary 2010 (can be an affirmation, a quote, words that have strong meaning for you)

2) A picture that represents how you nourished and took care of your body in 2010

3) A picture that represents how you nourished and took care of your spirit/soul in 2010

4) A picture that represents what you thought and believed about yourself, your abilities and the world throughout 2010 to make it so spectacular

5) A picture that represents how you showed up in the world

6) A picture that represents how you connected and were of service to others

7) A picture that represents how you feel on December 30, 2010

TIPS for the exercise:

-Ask yourself if this is really your vision or is it what you feel like you or your life “should” look like? Are you visioning using the beliefs and framework of your parents, teachers, friends, culture etc? or is this truly what you want for you?

-Don’t hold anything back – let your imagination run wild. When impossibilities, I cant’s, I should’s, I shouldn’ts, I could have’s, I would have’s or any other disempowering thoughts come in, acknowledge them and give yourself permission to let them go for this exercise

-Dream the unthinkable, vision without limits

Give your soul this gift, the gift to explore your deepest desires and most of all have fun in the process!

May 2010 be your most extraordinary year yet!

With lots of love,

Jenn xo

www.jenniferschramm.com

Reflecting on 2009 - A New Years Ritual: Part 1 of 2

Submitted by taylor on Mon, 12/21/2009 - 13:30.

This is a great time of the year to spend some quiet time reflecting over the past year. Before deciding how you would like to proceed and make the most of 2010, it is imperative to take a moment and reflect on 2009, taking into account all that stands out in your mind and all the amazing life learnings; the things that have worked and the things that haven’t. By reflecting on your year, remembering all your valuable learnings and the new wealth of knowledge gained, you are able to bring this wisdom with you and forge ahead into 2010 with gusto, passion and clarity. It is a time to review your internal settings and modify them to a setting that moves you forward into an inspired, empowered future.

Here are some questions that you can use to help you dig deeper into your own personal reflection for 2009:

What was your highlight(s) in 2009?

List 3 words to describe 2009.

These questions will give you an opportunity to take away valuable learnings from 2009 that will support you into an incredible 2010.

Please stand by for New Years Ritual Part 2: setting your intentions for 2010.

With love and appreciation,
Jennifer

RELATED: New Years resolutions

'Tis the Season: Tips for Managing The Holidays

Submitted by taylor on Tue, 12/08/2009 - 15:04.

The holiday season is here and is notorious for evoking a wide range of strong feelings in many of us. Some look forward to the holidays and others can’t wait for them to be over. For some people the holidays are full of cheer and celebration, love, giving and receiving, connectedness and joy. For others the holidays bring about stress, loneliness, struggle, sadness, isolation, disappointment and overwhelm. Whatever it is you may be feeling - your feelings are normal and real and need be acknowledged. Here are some tips to help you take care of yourself and manage during the holiday season.

Question your beliefs/thoughts/expectations around the holidays.
What do you think the holidays “should” look like? And where did you get the idea that the holidays “should” look a certain way? Do your beliefs and thoughts come from your parents, friends, the media, teachers? Are your thoughts and beliefs around the holiday season harmful and stressful or are they fulfilling and empowering? Acknowledge the limitations that have been created by some of your beliefs and ask yourself if there are more empowering beliefs and thoughts you can choose to think around the holidays.

Be honest about your feelings.
The holidays can bring about many different feelings and it is okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Find ways to express your feelings in healthy ways, for example, sharing your feelings with family and friends, journaling, taking to a professional, writing poetry, painting, listening to music, physical activity etc. When we give ourselves permission to acknowledge and feel our feelings we are able to move through them, hear their messages and clease and release ourselves of the past.

Check in with yourself
What do you need during the holidays to take care of yourself, prevent exhaustion, disappointment and burnout? What can I change, give up or do differently? What can I do to make this holiday season more enjoyable?

Spend time with others, but also give yourself time to be alone. If you are tired and want to leave a party early, listen to your body and take care of yourself. Make time for your own needs, whether it’s going for a run, taking a bubble bath, listening to music, writing in your journal or whatever is relaxing and soul nourishing for you.

Say “NO” to parties and gatherings that do not leave you feeling fulfilled.
If you are dreading going to an event, then give yourself permission to sit it out for whatever reason it may be. Taking care of you is a valid enough reason. Surround yourself and be with people whose company you enjoy. Rethink the “shoulds” and “oughts”. Don’t choose to make others happy by making yourself unhappy.

Do not spend beyond your means.
There is nothing worse than the stress of huge credit card bills in January. If finances are an issue this year, discuss gift exchange in advance and set comfortable expectations, perhaps, offer a gift of your time or help this year. Say no to gift exchanges that are beyond your means and that do not feel good. When we are giving within our means and from the heart, it makes the exchange all that more fulfilling.

Ask for help.
If you are planning a dinner, ask others to bring a dish, or get family members to pitch in. Ask for help with shopping, decorating, cooking etc., you do not have to do it alone.

Reach out to someone during the holidays.
Is there someone who could use your help? Donate to your favourite charity, spend time volunteering in a soup kitchen or wrapping gifts for children, make someone a gift, invite someone who is alone to join your family dinner. Do something that will help another, something straight from your heart and that feels good to you.

Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays! Find something to enjoy in each event or activity. Remember when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.

Happy Holidays!!!

How to Balance Responsibility and Fun

Submitted by taylor on Thu, 11/19/2009 - 14:46.

Dear Jennifer,

-Overwhelmed and Underslept

Dear Overwhelmed and Underslept,

I hear what you are saying, time management and planning has been a huge asset to you and has helped you to achieve some great things in the past few years. It can be uncomfortable to let go of certain behaviours when they have served you in so many ways. Doing the same thing repeatedly each day becomes a pattern, a safe feeling, you feel more in control and it’s predictable. It can be uncomfortable to step into unknown territory.

Just as you made the transition from high school to university to graduate studies - a new transition begins and as a result you begin to make changes. Transitions are often uncomfortable and you may experience many feelings, attitudes, and behaviours - these are normal responses to the stress created by the changes. School has been consistent for you and now that you are transitioning into a whole new chapter of your life, this can cause much anxiety, fear and a wide range of feelings to arise.

Here are some tips that can help you take control back and create more of what you want:

First off, acknowledge yourself for recognizing that you want more balance and fun in your life and for reaching out for support. Awareness is key. If you can’t see it or feel it, you can’t heal it. When you are aware of your patterns, you are already along your way. You are clear with your behaviours and know what you want to bring into your life. Now it’s about taking small steps and being gentle and patient with yourself in the process.

Monitor Your Self Talk - watch what you are telling yourself

Our self-talk is the way we interpret the world and give meaning to events and ourselves. What we are saying to ourselves has a profound influence on our feelings about ourselves, our moods, our behaviours, and our roles as girlfriend/student/employee/friend etc. The meaning we chose to give and the thoughts we choose to think reflect the way that we feel. If we continue to think worrying thoughts, we will continue to feel anxious and fearful, and if we choose to think hopeful, empowering thoughts, then we will feel more balanced and grounded.

What types of messages are you sending yourself: Are they critical? Are they self-deprecating or put-downs? Are they encouraging? Are they realistic? Are they self-defeating?

It is helpful to reframe your thoughts and look for a more positive way of viewing the situation. For example: If you say, ”I'm scared that graduation's going to send me into a complete existential panic, since I'm already stressed about my lack of job or housing plan”, take a breath and reframe. Here is an example: I have more than 6 months to find a job and housing. I am going to start taking small steps to get there. It will all work itself out. I might have some overwhelming feelings during graduation and I will help myself get through the feelings and it will all be okay.

You might also want to identify times when your negative self-talk is false or overly harsh. For instance, instead of saying: “I’ll never get through this", or "I am going to panic,” remind yourself that there are things you can do to manage the transition and that starting with small steps can really help. Remind yourself of past events when you coped even better than you expected, perhaps when you started school. Remind yourself of the wisdom you’ve gained over the years.

Watch your thoughts and how they affect the way you feel. Our thoughts create our feelings which, in turn create our behaviours and actions.

Notice that you are feeling stressed and dive in anyway

This is a time of trial and error: finding a new balance, learning what now works and what doesn’t. When you have been living on a tight schedule for a long time, it can feel very uncomfortable to do something different. Honour your feelings and plunge in anyways. By taking risks and doing different things, you will begin to see where your new equilibrium needs to be. Play around with it - find a happy medium. Don’t be afraid to take risks or make mistakes. In order to find that new balance, you must try a new way of being and trust that everything will fall into place.

Praise yourself

Often we focus on what we need to do, what we’re not doing, etc. Spend time praising yourself for taking each step. Praise yourself for writing this letter to me. Also, note that when making changes to your current routine, things that appear to be so simple like meeting up with friends or going to the gym can seem very daunting as you have been accustomed to what is. Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and take tiny steps. Know that you are transitioning and it is all part of the process and acknowledge yourself for making the effort and taking the steps.

Ask For Support - Reach Out To Others

Reach out to your friends, teachers, your boyfriend and ask for support. Perhaps, your boyfriend can help you in the housing search, and friends and teachers can help you brainstorm possible job opportunities. You might even want to ask one of your friends to hold you accountable and join you in doing one fun thing a week.

In conclusion, be gentle, kind and patient with yourself. Take care of your needs and acknowledge yourself for each step you take. Watch your thoughts and how they affect the way you feel. Have an open mind, be willing to embrace new and creative ideas and trust that you will create a new equilibrium all in perfect sequence.

Love Across the Ocean

Submitted by taylor on Thu, 10/22/2009 - 07:33.

Dear Jennifer,

I feel like I’ll never be as happy with anyone else as I was with him. Help me! What should I do?

-Longing Heart

Dear Longing Heart,

Thank you for your heartfelt question and for sharing your feelings around your deep connection with this guy. It appears that you are in a difficult spot right now being so in love, yet so for away.

Only you can answer what the best course of action is for you - there is no clear cut answer. I can't tell you what you "should" do - what I might do is different than what would be right for you. I can, however, give you a few things to think about and reflect on.

There are many ways you can look at this and many different choices you can make. It is about finding one that feels good to you.

Here is what I see:
The guy across the ocean (GATH) made a big impact on your life and it sounds like his imprint is fastened deeply within your heart. You can’t be completely committed to your current relationship when your heart belongs to GATH. It sounds like you are feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place and wanting to make some kind of change before you drive yourself mad.

First off, don’t jump ahead of yourself. Before you think about moving overseas and your mind wanders into the future, bring yourself back to Toronto and the present time. Our minds have a natural tendency to wander into the past or the future and rarely stay in the here and now. Much of our pain and suffering is caused when we are off in the future or living in the past. Really, all we have is this moment right now.

You might want to begin by questioning your present situation. Are you ready or willing to leave your current relationship? Does GATH know how you feel? Do you know how he feels? Have you discussed your feelings for one another and possible options?

What about your current boyfriend? Are you prepared to sacrifice your current relationship to explore the possibility of a relationship with GATH? Think about the impact on your current relationship and whether or not you can be happy with your Toronto boyfriend if you are vested in someone else.

If you and GATH decide you're ready to take the next step, it doesn’t have to be a huge step like moving overseas immediately. Have you considered meeting up somewhere, going to visit him or having him come to visit you? See if the physical attraction is still there. Plan a meeting and spend some time together before you even think about moving anywhere. You never know what could come about from your meeting - the possibilities are endless.

On the other hand, if you decide that you do not want to pursue your relationship with GATH, you might want to ask yourself if continuing communication with him is helpful to you or not. It can be unhelpful to continue communication with an ex when so many feelings are involved and you want to move on from the relationship.

Follow your heart and let it lead you. Trust that everything will unfold perfectly no matter what the outcome.

-Jennifer

RULES TO LIVE BY

Submitted by taylor on Thu, 09/24/2009 - 10:03.

Each one of us lives our life in a different way. Each one of us finds pleasure and joy in different ways. We are all unique. We have different passions, experiences, gifts, talents, challenges and obstacles. We all see, hear and view things through a different lens depending on our own set of life experiences. But even though we are all unique, the 5 principles that I am going to introduce to you in this article are universal and can be applied to each and every one of our lives. From my experience working with many different clients, I have found that these 5 simple life-changing rules can increase your level of happiness instantaneously. By following these principles you will feel more freedom, attract more of what you want, appreciate what you have, increase your confidence, feel more alive, peaceful, abundant, energetic and connected.

Look for What’s Right
Many of us automatically look for what is wrong in any given situation or relationship. Some of us tend to focus on our obstacles and problems rather than focusing on what is right in our lives. We are accustomed to finding fault with our bodies, our careers, our relationships, our government, our parents, our children, our friends.... Whatever you focus on, you will find. If you focus on what is wrong, you will find more fault. If you focus on what is right, you will find more joy. Start looking at the blessings instead of the miseries and notice how the world around you changes right before your eyes. When you look at what is right, you will attract more of what you want.

Take Risks
To move forward, achieve our goals and feel alive we need to take risks. This means stepping into the unknown--trying something different and out of the ordinary and doing things that scare you. You can’t feel the deliciousness of life or bring about change if you continue to do the same things over and over again. Taking risks help us to propel forward, feel our vitality and recognize our abilities and our dreams. Move outside your comfort zone, TAKE A RISK and be all that you can be! Feel the fear and do it anyway. You will notice more energy, increased confidence and pure excitement to be alive.

Express and Feel Gratitude
How many times do you say the words “thank you” in a day? How often do you thank your mattress for allowing you to have a good night sleep, or your refrigerator for keeping your food cold, or your car for getting you from place to place? How about your legs for all the thousands of miles they have carried you? How about your eyes for allowing you to see and read this article? We often take for granted the many gifts and miracles we are blessed with in each moment of our lives. Express gratitude and watch the world open up to you. You will notice increased joy, abundance, happiness and acceptance.

Live With Integrity - Speak Your Truth
Have you ever made a choice and then felt guilty or shameful about it afterwards? If you answered “yes”, perhaps you need an integrity check. When we are aligned with our integrity, what we think, what we say and what we do match. Integrity means being honest with ourselves. For example, if you say you want a long term relationship and you continue having one night flings, you are out of your integrity because you are saying you want one thing but your actions are committed to another. If a friend asks you if you like her dress and you say “yes”, even though you think it looks horrible, you are misaligned with your integrity. You are not speaking your truth. Each choice, thought and action has an effect on how we think, feel and view ourselves. When our behaviour, actions and choices are aligned with our commitments and our truth, we stand in our integrity. When your integrity is in alignment you will feel more positive and confident about yourself. You will have more freedom and energy and feel more happiness and peace.

Trust
Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance. Trust in a power greater than yourself and believe that what ever is happening in your life is happening in perfect sequence and for your highest good. Trust your own inner guidance system and your intuition. Know that everything is available to you. Trust that everything is unfolding perfectly. We try so hard to control everything in our lives that we forget the profound power of having faith and letting go. When you begin to trust that things will work out for your best interest, you will experience a deeper sense of peace and well-being.

This week, I invite you to take a risk and implement at least one these principles for one week and see how the world around you shifts and your level of happiness increases. By applying and living these 5 principles; looking for what’s right, taking risks, being grateful, living in integrity and trusting the process you can be assured a life of full of more happiness, joy and abundance!

Stress-tember: Defining A New Normal

Submitted by haley on Mon, 08/31/2009 - 15:04.

Dear Jennifer,

-Panicked

Dear Panicked,

Sounds like you might even feel a bit like that tornado that hit Toronto a few weeks ago! So much going on in such a short period of time. Lots of transitions, opportunities and changes... Here are 10 tips that will help you breeze through your transition and create more calm in your life. You can manage your stress by managing your environment, your thoughts, your body, your feelings and the way you respond to things.

First and foremost... Take a Breath. When feeling stressed out and overwhelmed our breathing often becomes shallow. Notice your breathing. Breathing brings you back to the present and creates space for you to re-group and ground yourself in order to see things more clearly.

Prioritize. Take it one step at a time. Divide it up - look at what needs to get done immediately and break it down step by step from most important to least important.

Minimize Stressors. Are there any situations, tasks, people that cause you stress who you can let go of for the time being, at least until you move through this? Talking to mom, say. If talking to your mom causes you stress during this time then agree not to talk to her until you are settled.

Realize your limits. Learn how to say “no” to new responsibilities and commitments that you don’t want to take on right now or are not sure you can fulfill. There is nothing worse than adding more to your already overwhelming pile.

Communicate with those around you. Talk to your boyfriend, your roomates, your friends and family. Express your feelings and thoughts. Say what you need to say, set boundaries, say no when you want to say no and express what you need from them at this time. Don’t try to cope alone or keep your feelings to yourself.

Take care of your body. Be sure you take the time to take care of your body. Get plenty of rest, eat nutritious meals and exercise. Your body needs your care and attention. The more you take of your body, the more it will take care of you.

Relaxation Techniques are great for preventing and managing stress. Take time to relax and unwind. You can practice visualization techniques by focusing on peaceful images, progressive relaxation by tensing and relaxing your muscles and even taking a moment to watch your breathing. Teaching yourself to relax is a great way to find a place of calm during stressful times.

Develop a Postive Attitude. The way you look at things has a big impact on your stress levels. Put things into perspective, go with the flow and look at the bright side. The more you resist the change, the more difficult and painful it will be. Imagine what it would be like if you went against the waves of the ocean vs. riding the waves. The difference is getting pounded vs. a smooth ride to shore.

View your situation by looking at what is right about it. Look at all the amazing things that are happening right now. Look for all that is good in the sea of upheaval.

Ask For Help - Reach Out. Don’t be afraid reach out to others for help. People may have answers or information that will help you or they may even pitch in a helping hand.

If you are feeling like you can’t keep your head above water anymore, take advantage of your schools' counselling services to help you cope and manage. There are also counsellors, life coaches and groups in your areas that will be able to assist you and help you through this.

And very importantly, acknowledge yourself for all the steps you take big and small.

Finally, know that this transition will pass you by and come to an end. You will define a new normal and things will simmer down. Be sure to keep this in mind when you feel like you are on a wild ride. Repeat to yourself: This too shall pass.