Ask a Life Coach

How Do I Cope With Criticism On My Family Vacation?

Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 08:31.

Hi Jenn,
I'm going away with my family for a couple of weeks coming up this summer-I want to make the most of this time together, since I don't see them all that often. However, every time we get together, it degenerates into a fuming shouting match. It starts with little criticisms, devolves to bickering, passive aggressive stand-offs, and eventually screaming fights. My problem? My family's well-intentioned 'constructive criticisms' of my life choices. I know they don't mean to be hurtful, but eventually the 'helpful' asides about my career, my appearance, and my love life, and the 'loving' jibes about my less-than-stellar qualities, start to drive me insane. How can I stick up for myself without losing my cool, and how can I express to my family that while I love them and value their advice and input, the way they go about it makes me feel devalued, small, and extremely frustrated?
-End of My Rope

I hear you! Great question. Hanging with the fam can bring up all sorts of feelings, and for many it can be our weakest link, yet always an opportunity to grow, learn more about ourselves and practice our boundaries.

First off, you are going to have to set boundaries and prepare yourself for certain situations that may arise.

When things start to get heated, make a plan of action. What can you do to take care of yourself in the moment should your family criticize you? You might want to take a time out - go for a walk, take some breaths or do something that will help you to collect yourself and pause before you react. This can be difficult in the heat of the moment especially if you've been responding the same way for a long period of time. It's time to break the pattern. Begin to notice how you react and how you respond and be patient with yourself in the process. It's a learned response and un-learning the way you respond takes time and patience.

Get behind yourself. The better you feel about your decisions and where you are at in your life, the more difficult it is for your family to plug into you. Our outer world reflects our inner world...so if your family is getting a reaction out of you then you are not accepting or believing in these parts of yourself. Find the good and the gift in the things you are being criticized for. Practice loving and accepting these parts of yourself. If they criticize your career, your appearance or particular qualities - use some positive self-talk with yourself. Talk to yourself like you would to a child that has been hurt. Be reassuring, loving and accepting to you in the way you want them to treat you.

No one can make us feel anything or any way. It is how we choose to feel. Here is a formula you can use to express and take responsibility for your feelings. When you .... (criticize me), I feel .... (angry, hurt, sensitive), and as a result I (consequence). You fill in the blanks. When you respond from a place of "I" and how you feel, you take ownership of your feelings and no longer blame the other person for how you feel. Taking responsibility for your feelings allows you to feel empowered and sets you free from being a victim.

Most of all, be gentle, and tread lightly with yourself. If bickering, shouting matches or stand-offs do occur...do not use it as an opportunity to make yourself wrong or beat yourself up. Use it as a way to create awareness around patterns and feelings and creatively come up with new ways to communicate and interact. Creating new outcomes require new ways of being. The first step is observation. The second step is altering the behaviour by testing out different ways of being that leave you feeling empowered. And the most important step of all is being gentle and easy with yourself in the learning process.

Have fun and sending you lots of hugs,

Jenn

Feeling Good Is An Inside Job

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 07/13/2010 - 07:39.

I’m sitting at LAX en route back from a business trip waiting to board my plane. On the way to the airport I heard an ad on the radio that inspired me to write this. It went something like this - Come to our Plastic Surgery Centre - get a tummy tuck, liposuction or a breast enhancement and then you will finally be able to feel good about yourself this summer... book your appointment today.

Immediately, I felt charged and wanted to bring the plastic surgery centre down - how could they be giving women these types of messages that they will only feel good once operated on? I thought about it a little longer and realized I can’t change the surgery centre or the advertisement, and they do have their place in our world, but what I can do is use it as an opportunity to write about the importance of feeling good about ourselves from the inside. Feeling good about ourselves doesn’t begin once we’ve got the tummy tuck, the new car, the new jeans, the new ring or the liposuction. Feeling good about ourselves starts now: ringless, rolls, lips, old car and all.

No matter how many tummy tucks we have, pounds we lose, or purses we buy the void is never filled. We may feel good about ourselves for a short time and then the void sets in again and its time to lose more pounds or buy a new purse or new boobs. I am not saying that we should be overweight or dressed in scrubs or say ‘no’ to plastic surgery ... what I am saying is that we must start feeling good about ourselves NOW, regardless of how we look or what we have. Accepting and loving where we are at. Feeling good about ourselves pre-surgery, pre-lost poundage or pre-employment. Nothing outside ourselves can make us feel better about ourselves unless we feel good about ourselves from the inside first.

This run around the hamster wheel, chasing things outside ourselves to feel better about ourselves, will continue until we stop in our tracks, ask ourselves what void we are trying to fill, what is it we really need and how can we give ourselves the love and adoration we are craving.

Today, stop in your tracks, notice where you feel your are falling short, what you are hating or making wrong about yourself and then ask this part of you, how can I love and accept you more? Watch things open up for you and love explode all around you the minute you choose to accept and love every inch of you - wide hips, rolly stomach and all.

What's Your Soul Saying?

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 06/07/2010 - 09:27.

Do you ever allow yourself to get quiet enough to hear the voice of your soul?

Recently, I was asked to write out my soul's desire. Right away, I began to write what was at the top of my head without going inside and connecting with a deeper part of myself. Initially, I did not take the time to really listen to what my soul had to say, I just jumped to my own quick conclusion. It was truly amazing when I compared the voice of my initial busy mind to that of my soul. As soon as I heard the voice of my soul ... I was flooded by peace and comfort and the answers were right in front of me.

Have you ever had someone finish your sentence, or have you ever finished someone else's sentence without truly listening, just to shut them up or to move on with the conversation? Do you assume someone is going to say something before they have time to speak it? If you answered yes, you are not alone. Has someone ever put words in your mouth and told you how they think you feel, when in fact, they were completely off track and all you really wanted was to be heard or listened to? Well ... this is often how we treat our soul. It desperately wants to be heard, yet the busyness of our minds and our lives overrides the voice of our soul and we don't allow ourselves the time or space to really listen.

Are you someone who lives on overdrive or autopilot? Do you take the time to connect with your soul and really listen and hear its voice? Some of us are constantly moving so quickly, or are so busy, or are maybe even afraid to hear what our soul is trying to tell us that we never really learn to connect and hear the voice of our soul. Whatever the reason may be, think about what it is costing you to ignore the voice of your soul. What would be available to you if you decided to hear and listen to your soul's voice?

Today, I encourage you to take a few minutes, allow yourself to get quiet and ask your soul how it feels and what it needs. How you can satisfy it? If your soul wants to feel peace, perhaps you might want to take a bath or do some journaling or take a walk in nature. If your soul wants to have fun, perhaps you might want to watch a comedy or call a funny friend or do something that makes you smile.

Only you can hear the voice of your own soul ... give yourself a big gift and take some time to nurture, love and connect with it this week!

Exploring Friends with Benefits

Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 04/06/2010 - 09:05.

Hi Jenn!
I've been in a relationship for 6 months and it didn't work out. We've since broken up, and started a "friends with benefits" relationship. What parameters should I set up with him for this to continue to be workable?
Sara

Dear Sara,
First of all, congratulations for recognizing that you may need to set some new parameters for your “newly defined” relationship to work. It is so important to take the time to think about what you need and want from this relationship and the potential consequences this can have on you and your “friend.”

I'm hearing a few different things from you: 1) Your relationship clearly didn't work as a traditional couple, and 2) You seem to have enough remaining "chemical" feelings about each other that you both want to maintain a strictly sexual relationship. The concept of "friends with benefits" seems like a good compromise based on your mixed feelings, but on the other hand, it can be a very tenuous "thin ice" type of arrangement. It will be extremely helpful to bring awareness to the situation, communicate and explore both your feelings openly and examine intentions in order to protect and take care of yourself.

Here are some things to think about when setting new parameters for your relationship:

First of all, have you been honest with yourself and completely processed all of the feelings that you have left lingering after your "breakup"? Do you feel any anger, resentment, or bitterness towards him? Does he feel any of these things about you? How did your breakup make you feel? Do you feel sad or regretful about your relationship? Do the reasons that things didn't "work out" in the first place still surface when you are together? Does the way he treats you now feel good to you? How about the way you treat him? What are you motives and intentions? These are all things you might want to explore before engaging in a “friends with benefits relationship”.

Secondly, how do you feel in your newly defined relationship together? Does it make you happy? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you left feeling empty in any way? What types of things do you discuss now when you are together? After you have sex together, how do you feel? Do you want to spend more time with him, or are you in a hurry to get away from each other? Do the two of you feel the same way about these things? How would you feel if he started dating someone else? It's important for you to get in touch with what it is exactly that you are getting out of this new arrangement and what exactly it is costing you emotionally.

Lastly, what does “workable” mean to you? Does workable simply mean "no drama"? Does it mean "just OK"? Do you mean that it is just something to keep you occupied until something else comes along? Are you open to that? Is this preventing you from opening yourself up to other, healthier situations? It will be critical to making this arrangement work for you that you understand exactly what you are trying to get out of it in the short term and beyond and if it is worth it to you.

It is really difficult for me to suggest parameters for your situation without fully understanding the entire context, your feelings, goals, appetite for risk/potential heartache, etc. I do suggest however, that the two of you clearly communicate your feelings, goals, limits, intentions and what-if scenarios to each other. It's obviously important to do from the beginning, but equally important to keep updating each other as feelings and situations may change. The more you communicate and are honest with one another and prepare yourself (and him) in advance for any fallout, the more likely you will be able to handle a crash landing. Emotions can get highly charged even in a purely sexual relationship, whether that is your original intention or not.

Thank you for your letter and for sharing your openness and willingness to approach this in a responsible and conscious way. Hope this helps and wishing you lots of love and joy in all of your relationships.

Sending you lots of love,
Jenn

RELATED: Friends with Benefits

Big Mouth, Big Trouble

Submitted by haley on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 10:59.

Dear Jennifer,
I have a big mouth. Sometimes I say things without thinking about the consequences of my words. They just come out of my mouth.
Sometimes my words hurt people even though I didn't mean to. I speak the truth, but people don't seem to be able to handle it. I think I might lack tact. It's just hard to know when to say something and when not to say it.
Because of this, people don't seem to trust me at work. They seem to be scared of what I will say, do, or if I will keep their secrets or not. Last time a co-worker left in my department, I was the last one to know and it really hurt me. She told my supervisor I was a sweet girl and all, but didn't want to tell me. I learned it from someone else.
I tried thinking before speaking, but I just don't know what is right to say and what isn't.
Should I just shut up and have boring conversations just to avoid hurting anyone else?
-Big Mouth Girl

Dear Big Mouth Girl,

First off, congrats on the awareness... you are aware of something that is going on. Once we are aware, we are able to take the next step. We can’t heal parts of ourselves until we can see them clearly. I am hearing a few different things here: 1) Developing tact 2) When to Speak Truth 3) What to Say or Not To say.

Here are some ways that will help you develop your communication style in a way that feels right to you.

Step back and take a breath before you speak. Ask yourself if what you are going to say is helpful or harmful and whether or not you are speaking your truth. Becoming conscious of our words and how they leave us and others feeling is a very important part of the process. Sometimes things come out of our mouths so automatically that we don’t even realize what we are saying. Begin to observe yourself and the way you communicate. Notice how you feel after different interactions and things you say. Once you are aware of how these behaviours leave you feeling and you are more conscious of the words you are speaking, you can consciously choose another way or say what you want to say in a way that will leave you feeling more empowered and confident. Our communication style is ever evolving and growing and we often learn by trial and error.

Secondly, begin to notice what your intention is for what you are saying. Is this Big Mouth Stuff about gossiping or is it about being direct and honest and speaking your truth? If it is about gossiping, now that you are aware of it, you are able to choose a different behaviour. I used to gossip a lot, it filled my need for connecting with people - it gave me instant gratification. Then I would go home and beat myself up about it because it didn’t feel good and certainly wasn’t in alignment with my integrity. Once I stopped beating myself up and recognized the behaviour, how it made me feel and what need I was meeting by doing it, I began to change it slowly and found other ways of connecting with people and meeting my needs.

There is no right or wrong way to say something. The consequences help us determine what feels right to us. The best way to know is to ask yourself if you are speaking your truth. I remember a teacher said to me once, you can’t attach yourself to how people are going to react - that is their business and no matter how hard you try and word something in the “perfect” way people are still going to take it the way they will because of their own life experience and how they interpret and give meaning to things. If what you are saying is your truth and coming from your heart you can never go wrong.

One last thing ... The Big Mouth part of you is one of your gifts. Likely you are direct, honest and to the point which can be extremely refreshing in this day and age where many of us are taught to sugar coat our words. However, there does need to be a balance. Don’t make this part of you wrong. Look at its gifts and begin by learning to harness it’s power. It appears to be acting out - what attention is this Big Mouth part of you seeking? Connect with it and ask it and begin togive it this attention it needs in a healthy way.

Thanks for your honesty and for speaking from you heart in this letter.

Sending you lots of love,
Jenn

Too Much of a Good Thing

Submitted by haley on Tue, 02/09/2010 - 09:59.

Dear Jenn,

I've recently gotten myself wrapped up in a fantastic relationship with a fantastic guy. He's everything I could ever want, except he wants to hang out all the time. Even when I just want to hang out with my friends, he always tags along. I love having him around, but I feel like my relationship with my friends is growing distant. He doesn't have many friends in the city and I don't know how to let him know that I need a break, without making it sound like a "break." And how do I get my friends back?
Thanks so much!
-Dazed and Confused

The beginnings of relationships can be super exciting and many of us initially immerse ourselves in them and then bang ... the brake goes on, reality sets in and our needs need to be re-evaluated. What you are experiencing is normal. It sounds like you need a bit of a boundary adjustment.

First off, it’s time to define a new normal and set some boundaries with him. How much time do you want to spend with him? How much is too much? How much time do you need with your friends? How much time do you need doing “you” things and having “you” time? Get clear on what your needs are and how much time is too much. You may have to adjust this a few times until you find what feels right for both of you.

Be honest and communicate with him. Tell him how you are feeling and what you need for this relationship to work. You want to continue with him and in order for it to work for you, you need some more space and you need time to spend with your friends sans him. If you continue to bring him out with your friends, he won’t have the motivation to meet new ones and you will just feel more and more resentful.

We teach people how to treat us. It is so important to communicate because he might not know what you need and it is impossible for him to meet your needs if he doesn’t know what they are. Speaking our truth and expressing our needs can feel scary or uncomfortable because we do not know how the other person will react and it sounds like you don’t want to lose him, however, it is imperative to communicate if you want the relationship to work. Honesty and speaking from your heart is the best policy.

Where your friends are concerned, be honest and tell them how you are feeling and how you have realized that you want to spend more time with them without your guy. You might even want to tell them how much they mean to you and how you value their friendship.

It’s great that you are noticing how you are feeling so that you can make some adjustments. The more you take care of yourself and allow for your needs to be met, the more you will be able to be there for him, your friends and yourself and in turn, the time you do spend with him, your friends and on your own will feel much better for all concerned.

Thirty, Single and Unsatisfied

Submitted by taylor on Mon, 01/18/2010 - 17:19.

Dear Jenn,

-Out Of Sorts

Dear Out of Sorts,

The first thing I want you to do is put your hand over your heart and take 3 slow deep breaths.

BREATHE....... BREATHE........ BREATHE.

Before you can think clearly or listen to your heart, you must allow yourself to center and be grounded in your body.

Thank you for sharing yourself in this letter as I am sure that it speaks to many others out there! Feeling stuck, desperate and frustrated are normal feelings and we all experience them. It is what we do with them and how we learn from them that matters!

OK - so you’ve just turned 30 and it seems you are about to embark on a new transition, a new chapter in your life. A time when we begin to let go of the old, in order for the new to come in. This is a time to re-evaluate what is important to you and what is not and to re-direct your attention where you want it to be. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I too have times of similar feelings, wondering what the hell am I doing, where is my life going, feeling stuck and confused. What I have learned is that these times are excellent opportunities for us to take a step back, give ourselves some love, re-evaluate our lives, give ourselves some love, connect with what is important to us, give ourselves some love and then begin to take steps toward an inspiring future and of course give ourselves some more love.

Although, beating ourselves up and worrying about the future is a learned and automatic response that we may feel is helpful, it is actually is what keeps us stuck. These feelings are not comfortable and most of us try and push them away because we aren’t taught the benefit of feeling our uncomfortable feelings. However, if you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and move through the feelings without pushing them away, I can assure you from my own experience that these feelings bear a beautiful gift.

Here’s what I suggest:

Allow yourself to experience what you are feeling, acknowledge what is coming up for you and express the feelings as you have done so by writing to me. Perhaps, do some journaling around this, listening to music, go for a walk in nature and allow yourself to feel and express the feelings in a healthy way. Once the feelings and thoughts have been expressed, you are able to reframe and look at the situation through a new, more centered set of eyes.

Now let’s work with your thoughts. I hear that you are frustrated and you don’t want to go on like this, however, making yourself wrong and beating yourself up is not going to help you. Begin by looking at the good in your life right now. You may feel some resistance to this idea, allow yourself to feel the resistance, acknowledge it and breathe and move through it. Then ask yourself, what is the gift of being single and 30? What does it allow you to do? What is right about your job? What do you like about it? How can you bring more fun and joy to it? When we look for what is wrong in our lives and beat the crap out of ourselves, we perpetuate pain and misery and it makes it very difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. When we look for what is right and how we can add more joy to it, our mood lifts immediately and we open ourselves to new opportunities.

Re-read what you have written and then notice how these thoughts make you feel. Are there any better feeling thoughts you can choose to think? For example, I just turned 30 and I'm noticing that it might be a good time to re-evaluate where I am at. Some of the things I have been doing, aren’t working for me anymore and I'd like to try some new ways of being. I am not sure how to attract a relationship but I am willing to learn and take steps to create one. I am beginning to see that being in a relationship is really important to me so I am starting to take steps in that direction. Notice how a shift in our thoughts and the way we look at things can make us feel better and more at ease almost instantly.

Now comes the fun part... envisioning your ideal life!

What type of work do you feel passionate about? What brings you the most joy? What does your day look like? What are your daily tasks? What is one step you can take towards bringing more satisfaction to your work? This could be as simple as changing your attitude toward your current position, smiling at your desk, sending a resume, taking a special interest course, spending a few minutes fantasizing about your dream job. When you change your focus, opportunities you never knew existed will start to arise.

OK - now the boyfriend situation. Begin by feeling yourself in a relationship. What type of guy are you with? What qualities does he have? How does he make you feel? How does it feel to be around him? What does your ideal life look like together? What does it feel like to be in this ideal relationship? What thoughts, behaviours would you need to give up in order to attract your ideal partner? What is one action you can take this week that will bring you towards attracting a relationship? It doesn’t have to be a huge action, you could write about your ideal partner, stick an affirmation on your mirror (I am attracting my ideal partner), you could make a vision board of your ideal match, you could join an internet dating site, take up a new hobby, tell someone that you are looking for a serious relationship, etc. Take a small action that will steer you in the direction toward meeting your partner.

Then let’s look at your lifestyle. What would you like to be doing on weekends? Who would you like to be spending your time with? How would you like to feel? What is one action you can take in regards to your social circles that will move you towards what you desire for a social life?

And most importantly give yourself some LOVE, have some patience! Take care of you. Do something that fulfills your soul. Treat yourself to something wonderful!

-Jenn

The Vision 2010 - A New Years Ritual: Part 2 of 2

Submitted by taylor on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 11:44.

After completing the exercises from New Years Ritual Part 1 of 2, I realized how important it is to take inventory and review the year past. When we see the present clearly, let go of what no longer serves us, take with us what does, acknowledge and assimilate our learning, we have more room within ourselves to manifest that which we truly desire.

And now I give you Part 2.

What you will need:

-2-3 magazines

-a quiet space

-scissors

-glue

-an 8x10 piece of paper or bristol board to glue your pics and words on

-a journal or some paper to write on

-a pen or pencil

First, give yourself the space and time to do this in the most sacred way, where you will be quiet enough to hear your most inner desires. You might want to light a candle, play some soft music or burn some incense. Set up your space in a way that feels nurturing and good to you.

Step 1:

Begin to imagine it is Dec 30, 2010 and you have had the most extraordinary year of your life. What did the year look like, how did you feel, what did you do, what didn’t you do? Allow yourself to open up, to dream and to hear your spirit. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Give yourself at least 5 minutes to envision and then take out your paper or your journal and begin writing what this most extraordinary year looked like and how you were able to obtain it. Write down all the insights you gained, all the milestones you achieved, all the feelings you felt. As you are writing be sure to write as if all this has already happened and keep your words in the past tense. Do not use “I hope”, “I intend” or “I will”.

Step 2:

Using your magazines, cut out:

1) Words that will reflect your most extraordinary 2010 (can be an affirmation, a quote, words that have strong meaning for you)

2) A picture that represents how you nourished and took care of your body in 2010

3) A picture that represents how you nourished and took care of your spirit/soul in 2010

4) A picture that represents what you thought and believed about yourself, your abilities and the world throughout 2010 to make it so spectacular

5) A picture that represents how you showed up in the world

6) A picture that represents how you connected and were of service to others

7) A picture that represents how you feel on December 30, 2010

TIPS for the exercise:

-Ask yourself if this is really your vision or is it what you feel like you or your life “should” look like? Are you visioning using the beliefs and framework of your parents, teachers, friends, culture etc? or is this truly what you want for you?

-Don’t hold anything back – let your imagination run wild. When impossibilities, I cant’s, I should’s, I shouldn’ts, I could have’s, I would have’s or any other disempowering thoughts come in, acknowledge them and give yourself permission to let them go for this exercise

-Dream the unthinkable, vision without limits

Give your soul this gift, the gift to explore your deepest desires and most of all have fun in the process!

May 2010 be your most extraordinary year yet!

With lots of love,

Jenn xo

www.jenniferschramm.com

Reflecting on 2009 - A New Years Ritual: Part 1 of 2

Submitted by taylor on Mon, 12/21/2009 - 13:30.

This is a great time of the year to spend some quiet time reflecting over the past year. Before deciding how you would like to proceed and make the most of 2010, it is imperative to take a moment and reflect on 2009, taking into account all that stands out in your mind and all the amazing life learnings; the things that have worked and the things that haven’t. By reflecting on your year, remembering all your valuable learnings and the new wealth of knowledge gained, you are able to bring this wisdom with you and forge ahead into 2010 with gusto, passion and clarity. It is a time to review your internal settings and modify them to a setting that moves you forward into an inspired, empowered future.

Here are some questions that you can use to help you dig deeper into your own personal reflection for 2009:

What was your highlight(s) in 2009?

List 3 words to describe 2009.

These questions will give you an opportunity to take away valuable learnings from 2009 that will support you into an incredible 2010.

Please stand by for New Years Ritual Part 2: setting your intentions for 2010.

With love and appreciation,
Jennifer

RELATED: New Years resolutions

'Tis the Season: Tips for Managing The Holidays

Submitted by taylor on Tue, 12/08/2009 - 15:04.

The holiday season is here and is notorious for evoking a wide range of strong feelings in many of us. Some look forward to the holidays and others can’t wait for them to be over. For some people the holidays are full of cheer and celebration, love, giving and receiving, connectedness and joy. For others the holidays bring about stress, loneliness, struggle, sadness, isolation, disappointment and overwhelm. Whatever it is you may be feeling - your feelings are normal and real and need be acknowledged. Here are some tips to help you take care of yourself and manage during the holiday season.

Question your beliefs/thoughts/expectations around the holidays.
What do you think the holidays “should” look like? And where did you get the idea that the holidays “should” look a certain way? Do your beliefs and thoughts come from your parents, friends, the media, teachers? Are your thoughts and beliefs around the holiday season harmful and stressful or are they fulfilling and empowering? Acknowledge the limitations that have been created by some of your beliefs and ask yourself if there are more empowering beliefs and thoughts you can choose to think around the holidays.

Be honest about your feelings.
The holidays can bring about many different feelings and it is okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Find ways to express your feelings in healthy ways, for example, sharing your feelings with family and friends, journaling, taking to a professional, writing poetry, painting, listening to music, physical activity etc. When we give ourselves permission to acknowledge and feel our feelings we are able to move through them, hear their messages and clease and release ourselves of the past.

Check in with yourself
What do you need during the holidays to take care of yourself, prevent exhaustion, disappointment and burnout? What can I change, give up or do differently? What can I do to make this holiday season more enjoyable?

Spend time with others, but also give yourself time to be alone. If you are tired and want to leave a party early, listen to your body and take care of yourself. Make time for your own needs, whether it’s going for a run, taking a bubble bath, listening to music, writing in your journal or whatever is relaxing and soul nourishing for you.

Say “NO” to parties and gatherings that do not leave you feeling fulfilled.
If you are dreading going to an event, then give yourself permission to sit it out for whatever reason it may be. Taking care of you is a valid enough reason. Surround yourself and be with people whose company you enjoy. Rethink the “shoulds” and “oughts”. Don’t choose to make others happy by making yourself unhappy.

Do not spend beyond your means.
There is nothing worse than the stress of huge credit card bills in January. If finances are an issue this year, discuss gift exchange in advance and set comfortable expectations, perhaps, offer a gift of your time or help this year. Say no to gift exchanges that are beyond your means and that do not feel good. When we are giving within our means and from the heart, it makes the exchange all that more fulfilling.

Ask for help.
If you are planning a dinner, ask others to bring a dish, or get family members to pitch in. Ask for help with shopping, decorating, cooking etc., you do not have to do it alone.

Reach out to someone during the holidays.
Is there someone who could use your help? Donate to your favourite charity, spend time volunteering in a soup kitchen or wrapping gifts for children, make someone a gift, invite someone who is alone to join your family dinner. Do something that will help another, something straight from your heart and that feels good to you.

Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays! Find something to enjoy in each event or activity. Remember when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.

Happy Holidays!!!