I am a perpetually single gal. I have found myself, for much of my life, alone and without a partner. On top of that, I am a serial first dater; I never seem to make it to the second date. Either I lose interest or am lost interest in.

At 25, this can be a real challenge for my self-esteem. And by now, after first-dating hundreds of guys and girls, you would expect me to know what I want. But it turns out, I really don’t.

I was catching up with a friend just the other night and she told me something someone has never told me before. 

She said to me, sitting across the table in a dimly lit Starbucks, “try to enjoy being single.”

I have been dating since the age of twelve and at the age of twenty-five, more than ten years into this dating journey, someone has finally shared with me this piece of crucial advice.

What a revelation. I have no idea how to do that. I am constantly caught up with finding a new date, a new crush, new lay, a new person to send me cute texts, and a new person to miss. I am always seeking some sort of excitement outside of myself that will keep me distracted or busy for a few weeks until it fizzles out.

Since this convo with my friend, I have been meditating, and even making lists, on how I could possibly do this. How I could possibly try to enjoy being single. My friend had a whole list of suggestions, taking note that not having someone to call or report to is always liberating.

I would agree, to an extent… but there has to be more than that.

Much of my life, I have equated being alone with loneliness. And now, having had time to look back on all the relationships I have been in, I realize that some of my loneliest times, my loneliest moments, have been while I was with someone.

For the next little while, I will be trying singlehood and enjoying it. I can’t wait to tell people “no, I’m not dating” happily, when they ask me if I’m seeing anyone.

Should you wish to try enjoying singleness, here are some of my suggestions for enjoying your time that is truly your time…

1.     Choose to actively not date: This includes deactivating your OkCupid account for a while. Let people know you are seeking friendships and friendships only when you’re asked out on a date.

2.     Make friends your priority: Commit to them with coffee dates, dinner dates, phone catch-ups, new adventures, road trips and the like. Even an email here and there is nice. I am sure you will come to appreciate your friends more than you ever thought possible. Giving them your time, energy and love will be a truly rewarding experience.

3.     Self-love: Physical, mental, emotional. Go to that yoga class you are always putting off. Go for a run just because you have the time. Read that book that’s been sitting on your shelf for a while. Watch your favourite Disney movie when you have a night in. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful. Get to know your body, love your stretch-marks, caress your tummy that jiggles and your butt that dimples. Masturbate with your favourite toys. Take a long candle-lit bubble bath.

4.    Take yourself out: you deserve it, no? Treat yourself to a movie, romantic and sappy or something hilarious. Take yourself for dinner. Grab that book and go sit in a coffee shop and enjoy the alone time with you, a delicious latte, and your new favourite read… just because, again, you have the time.

5.    Meditate: For me, not dating is also a practice of trying to hang out in the here-and-now and enjoying it at the same time. Meditation is a practice that helps me to do that. If I have all this time anyway, spending ten minutes of my day trying something new like meditation can’t hurt. It clears my mind and let’s me start my day with good, calm and happy intentions.

6.    Express yourself: Try new hobbies or creative ways to express yourself. Been wanting to learn guitar for a while? Find lessons. Write a poem, or a novel. Buy a paintbrush and some water colours. Go to poetry-slams. Get involved in the multitude of ways you can express what you feel deep down inside, and get in touch with your innermost heart.

While I am certain that there will be pangs of loneliness once I commence this journey of enjoying singleness I am committing myself to, I am convinced that these moments will not compare the pain of loving someone with whom you feel alone and alien in their presence. I am convicted to enjoy myself and my time on my own and let myself enjoy each moment that comes, because these moments truly are mine.