5 Year Anniversary

What does marriage mean?

When a couple decides to get married, is it to validate their love for one another? A mark of adulthood? Or perhaps to put their parents at ease? Simply a box on the list to check off as, yep DONE THAT?

And what really happens a few years after a marriage? Do we feel more calm and secure? Or positively claustrophobic?

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS.

In June of 2003, same sex marriage was made legal in Ontario. Now five years later we are at a point where qualitative research can be done to better understand what impact this legalization has had on same-sex couples. And the Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at University of Toronto (http://www.uc.utoronto.ca/content/view/284/1809/) is doing just that by investigating whether there are differences between how lesbian / gay couples and heterosexual couples feel about their marriages.

Having gotten married just over a year ago, I remember the barrage of conversations, e-mails, phone calls:
What dress are you wearing? Are you having a religious ceremony? Who’s walking you down the aisle? Are you having bridesmaids – will I be one? Yeesh. I’m assuming that queer or straight you get hammered with the same dizzying conversations, have the same anxiety attacks of families meshing together and getting drunk and feisty and whether your sex life will remain nice and smutty. So what’s different?

I think we all know that marriage these days has very different connotations than even ten years ago. It used to be that a man and a woman get married, they have a child – maybe a nice golden retriever, mortgage a house, have a weekly bridge night or tennis match and everything was picture perfect, squared away nicely into a sedating and peaceful bliss. YEAH FUCKING RIGHT. We all know this doesn’t happen. Divorce, affairs, step sisters, malicious aunts, common law and neighbour swapping – whatever. My point being is that there is no ‘normal’ anymore. Families are more differentiated now than ever.

I spoke with Robbie Morgan, RA on the project, about the study and she explained that their efforts are to further understand how, “…marriage being made legal in Canada is affecting Queer daily life. How does this access change things?”

What are peoples' perceptions now that we have had legal same sex marriage for a few years? Do we perceive the family structure to be dissolving or reinvigorating? Does marriage make same sex couples feel more accepted as normal? Is promiscuity more comfortable in a marriage or frowned upon?

In order to find answers to these questions, the research team is interviewing individuals from 120 couple pools. Lesbian, homosexual and heterosexual couples are all involved in the study and are asked a series of questions that range from how weddings are being practiced; do they incorporate traditions? Culture based questions and questions surrounding individual feelings of identity and acceptance.

Hype surrounds issues on the cusp of change, and when new laws are passed, these issues often get tossed to the back of our mind and filed as old news. However, it is important to document the affects of change, as they happen, to properly understand the results of major societal shifts. In the sixties there was the women’s movement, the hippie movement for peace and love and civil rights. At times, I wish I was twenty during this exciting chapter of history, but one often overlooks the leaps and bounds of sociological issues that are occurring right in front of them. There is no lack of monumental transitions right now, so stop being so damn apathetic and bored and open your eyes to our lively times.

If you are interested in taking part in this study please e-mail jenmcneely@shedoesthecity.com, and I will put you in touch with UofT.
To be eligible, you must have been married for at least one year.